Chia Pets: A Gift From Above
Written: Jun 11 '01
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Pros: Possesses godlike qualities and hours of awesome amusement
Cons: Sometimes they can be so captivating one thinks they hear them speaking.
The Bottom Line: Caring for this tender, sensitive, creature pulled me out of the solemn depths of American misery and gave me a reason to live.
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| chillin2dylan's Full Review: Chia Pet |
There was a time last December when I was feeling defeated by the savage elements of this cold world; nothing was working out. I was unhappy with my position in life in every respect: health, orginizational ability, motivation, love, and moral conduct were all values that had waned tremendously for me til the point where hope was just a faint, hardly visible, glimmer at the top of an immense cavern, to which I felt duct taped to the bottom eternally. Then, one day, a small statue appeared outside my door. It was a lamb, and I took it in. Someone had already planted the seeds but left a note saying they did not have the ability to care for the Chia Pet any longer and could I please, in the name of all that is right and true in human kindness, please, please, please, take this innocent creature under my wing and shelter it from the brutish realities of this foul American wasteland. And so, reluctantly, I took in a new member of my solitary family. I was forced, for the first time in almost 7 weeks, to open the shade on my window to let sunlight in for the Chia pet, which I called Hans the Lamb. It changed my whole life. Before I had Hans I would spend hours at night in insomniac despair clutching my sheets on the brink of madness, wishing I had some purpose to get up the next morning and move on through my pointless and empty life... But hans saved me... just having another being in the room, being able to care for this orphaned chia pet like he was my own... god, i can't explain the wonders it worked for me. And so, to anyone who feels lonely, unhappy, unsatisfied with their job, depressed, angry at the world, sexually frustrated, itchy, homicidal, suicidal, insane, misunderstood, uncool, wasted, empty, desolate, troubled, confused, or bored.... there is only one solution. Go to K-Mart and discover the best known secret alternative to hours of expensive therapy that tries to convince you that you aren't a loser. Chia Pet- It will change your life forever.
Recommended:
Yes
Amount Paid (US$): 0.00
Type of Toy: Other
Age Range of Child: Whole Family
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Epinions.com ID:
chillin2dylan
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Reviews written: 20
Trusted by: 1 member
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