Mommy's always clacking away at the keyboard, playing 'pinions when I want to play Reader Rabbit. "Let me just rate this, sweetie," she'll say, and a Sesame Street later, she's still at it. Being an inquisitive kind of guy, I've decided to find out once and for all what's so much fun about this 'pinions game. So, I finally got the grown-ups into bed (no small task, let me tell you! Sometimes I think they'll stay up all night!) and now that I've got a little peace and quiet, let me tell you what I think about my Duplos.

Duplos and Me--We Go Way Back:

I've been playing with Duplos ever since I was a little kid. (I hit the big oh-three about two weeks ago.) When I was really small, I'd just suck on 'em, or bang a couple of Duplos together. Sometimes I'd play "stupid" with Mom and Dad--you know, that highchair game where the grownup brings you a few toys and you pitch them off the tray to see how many times the "stupid" will bring 'em back to you? Great game, and lots of fun with Duplos, especially if you have a tile floor like we do.

When I got bigger (18 months or so), I discovered the joys of dumping. I'd wait 'til my sister had finished playing Duplo, and after she and Mommy got them back in the bucket, I'd cruise by, and "CRASH!" Really noisy. Really fun. I don't like putting them into the bucket as much as I like to dump them, but Mommy says a man's gotta do what a man's gotta do. It ain't Sartre, but I guess she's got a point nonetheless.

These days, I like to spend my Duplo-time making towers. I just stack as many as I can, sometimes by color, sometimes at random. It all depends on my mood, you see. When I'm feeling basically happy-go-lucky and free-spirited, then it's anybody's guess what color will come next. Another time, if I'm feeling more methodical, I'll make a blue tower, then a green one…you get the idea. Mom likes to sneak in mini-lessons when she thinks I'm not looking. "Which tower is taller?' she'll ask, "Can you put the green one on top of the red stack?" or, "Now let's put three blues on top of that yellow tower." I humor her as much as I can. She's just doing her job, I guess.

My sister likes to play Duplo, too. She's five and goes to Kindergarten, where apparently they teach Advanced Duplo Concepts and Design. She likes to build actual stuff: houses, people, animals, bookshelves…at least, she says that's what they are. I'm three. What do I know?

How My Duplos Stack Up: What I Like & What I Don't...

First, the good news. These rank among my all-time favorite toys. Here's why:

They're good and noisy: There's nothing like the dulcet clatter of a bucket o' Duplos on a tile floor. They sound pretty great when you chuck them individually, too. 'Nuff said.

They're tough: Mommy says "indestructible." She's right, but I like "tough" better. You can leave your Duplos in the backyard for weeks, and the colors won't fade. You can leave 'em on the floor and let your Dad step on them in the middle of the night, and they won't break. (I learned lots of new words this way, but this 'pinion thingy won't let me tell you what they are. Try this at home and see what your Daddy says.)

There are just TONS of them! I can build a really gigantic Duplo tower, and still have oodles of surplus bricks with which to pelt my brother and sister. Very handy.

"Is that a Duplo in your pocket?" Duplos are portable and easily concealed. This comes in handy when I want to bring something to play with in the car and Mommy says I can't. One in each pocket, (front and back!), a couple in the baby's diaper, and I'm free to assemble a mini-tower in the privacy of my own carseat. They're great for longer car trips when Mommy lets me bring a bunch, too.

A few little bugs to work out:

They hurt! "Pick on somebody your own size," my eye! You need to get this straight right now: If you're going to hit somebody with these puppies, make sure that your intended victim is either:

a ) Big enough that they'll get in trouble for hitting you back, or

b) too little to figure out how to respond in kind.

Also, try not to step on a Duplo, especially if you're barefoot. Remember those funny words your Dad taught you when he stepped on a Duplo? This is NOT the time to try them out. Trust me on this one.

The Flush Factor is Low: I speak from experience. In spite of this product's many other sterling attributes, I am consistently disappointed in its sheer lack of flush-ability. However, my research has yielded some valuable information. David (our plumber) taught me all about the "snake", and he showed me how to take the potty right out of the floor! (It was easier after the first time.) David's awfully nice.

There are just TONS of them! This makes clean-up a real chore. If, however, you have a knack for redirecting your parents' behavior, you could be in business. Try the old "I hafta make…" routine first, and see how receptive your folks are.


The Bottom Line:

Duplos are a great toy for just about any kid. If you have a baby, go ahead and buy him a box of Duplos. He'll grow into them, or at least he'll suck on them. Got a bigger kid, like me? Well, if you haven't already gotten him some Duplos, go ahead and do it already. Got a really big kid, like my sister? It's OK, she'll like Duplos too. Even my parents play with them sometimes, so you can share them with your kid. You can also buy Duplos for presents, if your kids are going to a birthday party, or if you're visiting your grandkids, or something. (This is a great present, because Target and Toys R Us will take them back without a receipt. Just tell 'em it was a gift!)

I can see why Mommy's hooked. This 'pinions stuff is neat, but if I'm going to catch Letterman, I need to wrap this up. Nighty-night, everybody.




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