Steve Carell ("The 40-Year-Old Virgin") is back as Dan a widower of four years, and while this isn't actually a sequel to his "Virgin" movie, he does exemplify the French saying, plus ça change, plus c'est la même chose—the more things change, the more they remain the same. Opening scene, before the subtitles have even stopped, has him reaching across his bed in the morning to find ... a stack of books. Nobody slept there last night. At least we know he isn't a virgin anymore: he has three daughters whom he dotes on, and while his newspaper column on family advice receives accolades from his New Jersey readers, he struggles raising his own kids—"You're a good father ... but sometimes a bad dad."

His oldest, 17, has a single line theme, repeated every so often, that she got rated high in Driver's Ed. and should be allowed to drive. His second, 13, also has a repetitive theme that she is, too, in love with her Romeo and they know what love is—"Love isn't a feeling. It's a capability." His third is in the fourth grade. Her theme is she made something for him and wants him to see it. These girls tell us exactly who they are. We'll call them Skill, Love, and Talent respectively.

The setting is an annual extended family gathering on the scenic coast of Rhode Island. He can't have his regular bedroom but gets to stay in his special room downstairs as his brother (Dane Cook) is bringing home a girlfriend and unmarrieds have to stay in separate rooms—"I agree with that rule." This has happened before and he takes it in stride. Dan's mom (Dianne Wiest) shoos him out of the house on an errand rather than have him underfoot caring for his daughters. His little trip to the bookstore turns into a smooth pickup of a woman browser Marie (Juliette Binoche). Dan being a columnist has a facility with words and matches up books for her who "wants to be swept up [with] something that is right in its wrongness." Freud would probably say that stack of books he loads her with symbolically represents making room for her in his bed. The stage has been set and it should be interesting.

They end up having tea and muffins together with animated conversation until her cellphone rings to call her away, but he gets her number "to finish our conversation." He rightly guesses that she is "in a relationship." That little expression is the key to understanding the whole movie.

If anybody cares about our English language, he'll be interested to note the suffix -ship turns a tangible into an abstract. A king (tangible) has a kingship (abstract). An ambassador (tangible) has an ambassadorship (abstract). Friends have friendship, etc. When we are talking about one's relations in the flesh—like parents, brothers, cousins, etc.—, they have relationship. However, when boys and girls have relations—abstract—with each other and they call it a relationship, they've added a suffix to change an abstract into an abstraction, a linguistic faux pas. This relation is in the abstract to begin with and doesn't need -ship to make it so ... but hardly anybody cares.

My mom cared enough about my English to make me take it in a city summer school to remedy my defective country English. How I wished I could go swimming all day for fun instead. Here I finally get my wish. This is one movie of protracted fun, the kind of exhausting fun one gets swimming all day. The acting is not a case of one or two strong performances carrying the show, but of everyone's performance fitting in to a tee, just as a fun day of swimming is every moment of fun blended all together. If your mom wants you to stay home from the movies to study English instead, just show her Fowler's article on relation(ship) in Modern English Usage and point out the plot of this movie: an extended family in holiday relationships of the correct kind, with Dan's brother bringing his girlfriend relationship of the incorrect kind, while Dan himself is encouraged to pursue a woman who's in a "relationship" with someone else: "no rock on her left hand; ... all is fair." That's right. This movie qualifies as homework. If your mom asks if you mean there are all these correct family relationships and two incorrect ones to compare them with—Dan's brother with the girl he is bringing, and the girl Dan met with her boyfriend she had to dash off to—tell her she's close, but those latter two are only one. Dan's mystery woman—"For the record I never called you a hottie"—is introduced to Dan (again) as his brother's new girlfriend—"I've had a lot of girlfriends but she's different." She joins the family festivities.
 
Her description of her perfect day, she tells them, involves going to a country with new customs where she doesn't speak the language, and here she has arrived. It's a new family, and she is not using the word relationship in the standard English way. It would strain credulity to have none of the relatives the whole time pick up on an undercurrent between Dan and Marie, so we see Dan's youngest noticing and his oldest confirming it from the perspective of her age—17—, and her assessment reflects the wisdom of all those years, that it's a one-sided deal.

A necessary complication to the plot is when the two brothers double-date, Dan acceding to go with a girl from their past nicknamed Ruthie Pigface Draper. Would there were more women who looked like her (Emily Blunt)—"Hey, beautiful!" In the intervening years she'd become a doctor, a plastic surgeon, specializing in facial reconstruction. Now she's the hottie. Er, excuse me, that's right, she was introduced for her educational value. She personifies the English word relationship. On face value it demanded too much, pigfaced, but it has since undergone reconstructive surgery and is now a respectable word, in a seductive kind of way. It will work for some people seeking their own soulmates.

Note that RUTHIE DRAPER and RELATIONSHIP both have 12 letters. Even without the suggestion of that word game in the movie, I'd try to convert one name to the other. The easiest way is rearranging the letters, but we see that while some letters are held in common, some are not. Let's rearrange the ones that are and highlight the rest to work with later:

RUthie DrapER
reLatIONShip

All that remains is to convert RUDER into LIONS, which shouldn't be that hard. Towards the end of Proverbs 30, there's a list of things that go well, starting with (Prov. 30:30) "A lion which is strongest among beasts, and turneth not away for any." Lions are ruder than all other beasts, which is how RUDER turns into LIONS and thus RUTHIE DRAPER becomes RELATIONSHIP.

Next, I point out that hers is just a supporting role, so we look to the other nearby lists to find the main theme, and we discover: (Prov. 30:18-19) "There be three things which are too wonderful for me, yea, four which I know not: The way of an eagle in the air; the way of a serpent upon a rock; the way of a ship in the midst of the sea; and the way of a man with a maid." These four mysteries all happen in the movie, and the last one is the main theme.

First, "the way of an eagle in the air" was when hapless Dan making his exit from the second story bathroom window, takes a dive into the bushes, falling past the kitchen window, his mom having her back turned being oblivious as she sets the table. That shot is even in the trailer.

Second, "the way of a serpent upon a rock" was when flustered Dan in order to surreptitiously make it to the bathroom for a private conversation with Marie, tried to slither on the floor past his daughter whispering sweet nothings on the phone, and she fled with her phone accusing him of "totally spying on me."

Third, "the way of a ship in the midst of the sea" was when heartsick Dan gave his soliloquy to the kids at the lighthouse about a ship being tossed about on the ocean needing the light so it doesn't go down. That was totally above their young heads. "Did you guys have fun?" "No." "No."

This all prepares us for the fourth, "the way of a man with a maid," which was the central plot of the movie: a total interaction between Dan and Marie occurring in the midst of everyone to which they were oblivious.

The proverb itself is pretty straightforward. A wise man watching the pattern of an eagle in flight has his expectations thwarted when the bird suddenly dives for prey. Dan's movement was a sudden dive into the bushes. The wise man cannot track the movement of the undulating snake on the rock, and Dan's daughter didn't understand his destination when he was crawling on the floor. A ship in the midst of the sea—especially an old-time one—was particularly hard to predict in its motions being moved by several forces at once. Dan nailed it at the lighthouse. And finally, "the way of a man with a maid." A whole houseful of involved people didn't know where that one was going.

I run the danger of waxing mystical here when I say the wisdom behind inspired works is personified in (Prov. 8:1,4,6,10) "Doth not wisdom cry? and understanding put forth her voice? ... Unto you, O men, I call; and my voice is to the sons of man. ... Hear; for I will speak of excellent things; and the opening of my lips shall be right things. ... Receive my instruction and not silver; and knowledge rather than silver and gold." A "relationship" can be going along just fine when one partner drops out like an eagle taking a sudden dive. Try as one might to follow the back and forth cycling of the half-coils of a snake on a rock, he can't tell from that the direction the snake is taking. Similarly, it's not that easy to peg where a guy and girl are going just by looking at parts of their interactions. This accounts for a large part of the humor and drama in this film. And just as a ship at sea is tossed about by various changeable forces, so a guy and a girl moved by the winds of their desires are also pulled sometimes by treacherous family currents. These are all "right things" that the voice of wisdom speaks to us through this movie. And Dan's flippant attitude about his road expenses—"Put it on my tab"—suggests to us that this movie is well worth the price for the education it presents.

John W. Whitehead in his historical overview book Grasping for the Wind tells us that the role paintings once played in depicting religious themes for our contemplation is now taken up by movies. To be sure, we hardly need religion to tell us that what goes on between a man and a woman is somewhat lost on even their intimates, but whether by chance or design, this theme here follows the biblical formula. There is a certain class of moviegoer who only takes in flicks with a religious theme of some sort, so I have taken a moment to point it out here so this person won't be deprived should he desire to take in a comedy.

The gist of Dan's dilemma is that he is a good brother but in one respect a bad bro. A good brother takes pains not to allow himself to fall for his brother's girl, but a bad bro falls for her anyway. To be fair to Dan, however, it seems the whole family unwittingly conspires to set them up.

The funniest (discrete) scene, in a whole sequence of funny scenes, is Dan and Marie's conversation in the bathroom. In desperation he tells her he has decided to concentrate on her flaws—but he hasn't yet figured out "whatever they are." Hollywood has a record of romantic scenes with a naked woman in the bathtub/shower, and Hitchcock turned it into terror, but here it's high comedy. When "the 40-year-old virgin" drapes the cloth over his eyes, it's déjà vu all over again.

The denouement occurs when Dan is invited to accompany his brother on the guitar as he sings a song expressing his feelings for Marie, but then he has trouble with the words so Dan has to help him out. You know, it's one thing for a friend to develop feelings for your girl; it would be quite another for him to express them to her.

We recall Dan playing the role of a bookstore employee, helping Marie with her selections, making a sale, but he is not going to get a commission on the sale because he is not an employee. Similarly, a couple can play the role of a "relationship," but it lacks the binding commitment of a marriage, so either partner can leave on a whim. No cigar.

Dan and his brother have to find a way to reconcile themselves, and what can I say about their solution? It works.

If Dan is going to make progress with Marie, in the end he is going to need Skill, Love, and Talent, and not in the abstract sense that we usually see in movies, but fully embodied in his daughters. And am I being presumptuous to suggest that if he wants a relationship with her, maybe he can take a lesson from the 40-year-old virgin where a wedding ceremony worked wonders?

Listen to his narration of his column near the end for clues about whether he got syndicated, and pay attention to who is dancing with whom in the final scene rolling with the credits.

Recommended:
Yes

Viewing Format: DVD
Video Occasion: Good Date Movie
Suitability For Children: Suitable for Children Age 13 and Older