Nothing says "Merry Christmas" like an album of bouncy pop/punk songs from the likes of Relient K.

Well, not that I would know. I'm not exactly a connoisseur of Christmas music, after all. Maybe it has something to do with my two years of retail experience, during which the most painful month was December. Hearing "The Chipmunk Song" as well as several butchered versions of "O Holy Night", plus a bevy of tunes about people coming home to passionate lovers in snowy places, for eight hours nonstop would be enough to drive any cynical college student crazy. I've always loved Christmas, and I love a lot of the carols. I just hate most recorded versions of 'em. This is why my collection of Christmas music is so sparse. Even when artists I like release them, they're generally wall-to-wall cheese. Usually the artist mellows out or goes off in some cliché jazz direction that I can't get into. Maybe they take the high road and write a few original tunes, but either way, there's generally more sentimental schlock than spiritual food. I'm not knocking any of those "secular" holiday songs - it's just that I can't relate to 'em. I've never had a big family, I'm only now celebrating my first Christmas with someone who would be around to kiss me beneath the mistletoe, and all of my Christmases thus far have been grey ones, not white ones. Heck, Jesus wasn't even born in the winter, so why are we celebrating His birth during the suckiest time of the year? I'd rather skip all of this winter wonderland stuff and sing about something that matters to me.

On top of this, I'm also not a connoisseur of pop/punk. In fact, most bands in said genre could drop off the face of the planet and I wouldn't bat an eyelash. So why would I get all excited about a pop/punk band putting out a Christmas album? Simply put, there's something about Relient K that always keeps me coming back for more. They've got a penchant for lyrics that are witty and zany one minute, and that turn around and offer unexpected moments of reverence the next minute. It's rare that a Christian rock band can achieve both. So who better to pull off an album dedicated to a season of fun, warm fuzzies, and deep spiritual meaning? Well, lots of bands, actually. Jars of Clay could probably knock one out of the park if their record label ever let them do a Christmas album. But Relient K's attempt doesn't make for a bad consolation prize.

Bearing the unwieldy title of Deck the Halls, Bruise Your Hand, the young band's latest disc sits on the uncomfortable boundary between EP and LP, at 10 songs with an average running time of 2:30. That actually turns out to be a blessing, since so many of the carols can be a bit repetitive, and pop/punk bands tend to play these things faster than most folks would. It's a mixed bag of gifts, but each one is fun to unwrap and play with in its own way. You've got your full-force rock attacks on some favorite carols, plus a well-timed contemplative break, plus a few originals that really hit the spot (if you ignore the fact that two of those originals were released on a previous Christmas compilation). If it were being sold on its own as a full album, that might be a sketchy prospect, but having it as an attached gift with the final-cover reissue of Two Lefts Don't Make a Right... But Three Do wasn't a bad move, in my opinion. Buy the album for the Christmas disc, and if you already bought the album the first time around, you can keep the cover art you like best and give the other copy to a friend. And that's one less person to shop for. (I'm trying to help the rest of you procrastinators here.)

Angels We Have Heard on High
The album gets off to a rip-roaring start with exactly the kind of cover of this well-known carol that you'd expect from a young pop/punk band. Of course, Relient K generally tries to have at least one unpredictable element in everything they do, and in this case that means some wonderfully layered backing vocals that weave in and out during the infamous long "o" in "Gloria". All four of the guys in this band can sing, and it's rare when they get to fully show off how good they sound together when singing different parts, so it's nice to get a glimpse of it here. Aside from that - it's a fairly standard opener - they skip the chorus and go through the last two verses back to back, so the whole thing is only about two minutes long.

Deck the Halls
The title track has never been one of my favorite carols (and what were they thinking when they came up with that album title - that's a worse pun than the ones I usually make?), but Relient K keeps it fun by not playing it entirely straight. Guitarist Matt Hoopes builds the song around a repeating riff that plays with the "Fa la la la la" melody of the song while taking it through an unexpected chord progression. Aside from that, the song does its thing in just over a minute and then gets out of the way, fading into an interesting synth outro that might be intended as a half-joking tribute to Manheim Steamroller.

12 Days of Christmas
What's a partridge? And what's a pear tree?
Well, I don't know, so please don't ask me
But I can bet those are terrible gifts to get...
As far as the fun songs go, this one might be the album's masterstroke. While "12 Days of Christmas" was a fun song while I was a kid, because any song about numbers put a smile on my face (I was a math geek, I know), you'd think that a recorded version of this song would get old somewhere around day seven. Relient K manages to rip through it in record time, and in the process, they make sure to add a little something unexpected at various points, just to catch the listener off guard (including commenting on how dumb these gifts are). It's not so much funny as it is amusing, but nevertheless I have to keep myself from snorting and snickering too loudly in my cubicle when I listen to this one at work. It's almost as much of a guilty pleasure as their cover of "The Pirates Who Don't Do Anything".

Silent Night/Away in a Manger
The band slows things down here, using mostly piano and programmed rhythm, as Matt Thiessen lowers the "snotty" level in his voice long enough to sing a sensitive medley of two of my favorite slower carols. (Because, as you know, medleys are a requirement on all Christmas albums) He only does a few verses of "Silent Night" before shifting into "Away in a Manger", which sounds like he's attempting it in too low of a key, but the rolling piano makes for an excellent segue into the next song.

I Celebrate the Day
Here is where You're finding me
In the exact same place as New Year's Eve
And from a lack of my persistency
We're less than half as close as I want to be...
This is the first Relient K original on the album, and if Christian radio stations aren't playing, then man, they should be. It's a simple, honest, and moving reflection on mankind's tendency to continually miss the point of Christmas, mixed with a bit of musing on whether our Savior knew his purpose from the moment He took His first breath as a human baby. (Reminds me a bit of Rich Mullins' classic "Boy Like Me/Man Like You".) The song builds gently, with the percussion adding momentum and yet not being too obtrusive - in many ways it reminds me of their older song "Less Is More". Definitely one of the best original Christmas songs I've heard in a while.

We Wish You a Merry Christmas
I have mixed feelings about RK's take on this song. They managed to stray a bit from the mind-numbing repetition of the carol by adding a few lyrical bridges of their own, so when it starts off, it sounds like one of their more aggressive punk numbers, sneering vocals and all. But they're mostly singing about how they'll drive all night through the snow to come to your town and bring good tidings. I'm kind of bummed that they skipped the "figgy pudding" verse, but oh well. The guitar outro is kind of cool, even if the track ends up feeling like random snippets moreso than a coherent song.

Santa Claus Is Thumbing to Town
Unless something drastic happens fast
Say hello to the ghost of Christmas past...
This menacing little number first made its debut on Happy Christmas, Vol. 3, a compilation put out by BEC Recordings two years ago. I'm sure fans are happy to have it on an RK album - it's another bad pun on a classic Christmas tune, depicting havoc being wreaked at the old North Pole, and Santa being forced to hitchhike his way around the world on Christmas Eve. I have to admit, I never thought I'd hear the word "puking" in a Christmas song. I guess you could file this one in the same "looney bin" category as Weird Al Yankovic's "The Night Santa Went Crazy", though this one does lose a bit of its humorous punch due to the sheer speed at which Matt spits out the words. But you gotta love the way "Jingle Bells" gets worked into the mischievous guitar riff.

Handel's Messiah (The Hallelujah Chorus)
OK, we've heard pop/punk covers of pop songs done to death... so how about a pop/punk cover of a classical tune? Relient K gives us a teaser here, once again employing their layered vocals and blowing through the classic "Hallelujah Chorus" in a matter of one minute. I kind of wish they'd gone on through more of it - but you know what they say about dead musicians turning over in their grave. It's amusing, even if it is a bit pointless and irreverent.

I Hate Christmas Parties
I can't figure it out
Is this what Christmas is all about?
'Cause it's a broken heart that you're giving me...
The inclusion of this song is a bit baffling to me, since it's technically credited to Matt Thiessen and his side project, The Earthquakes. (Not knowing who's in this alleged side band, I have to wonder if it's the same guys and the whole thing is a joke.) It also appeared on Happy Christmas, Vol. 3. Like "I Celebrate the Day", it's a sensitive piano ballad, but instead of waxing spiritual this time, Matt is in full-on bitterness mode. You see, getting dumped around Christmas time is no fun, and I guess that's what happened to him back then. (He's dating Katy Hudson, a.k.a. Katheryn Perry now, so I don't see what he has to whine about any more.) His little pity party makes you want to alternately chuckle and shed a tear for the poor guy, as the piano does its best to tug at the heartstrings by shifting from major to minor key at unexpected intervals. It's a bit depressing for a Christmas tune, but having spent a number of Christmases without that "special someone", I can appreciate it. (One thing that throws me off about this song, hearing it again after two years, is that the piano chords during that bridge are eerily similar to Jars of Clay's song "Only Alive".)

Auld Lang Syne
May all acquaintance be forgot indeed. As if to shrug off the pain of yesteryear, the band closes out the album with a surprising acapella rendition of the perennial New Year's tune. They do it in classic barbershop style, with bass player Brian Pittman doing a cheesy voice-over just to give the audience a personal Christmas greeting on behalf of the band. Admittedly, that little spoof makes the song more of a novelty than anything else, but it's still pretty amazing to listen to the harmony these guys can pull off (as previously witnessed in the interlude "Lion Wilson" from The Anatomy of the Tongue in Cheek). They float through some rather difficult key changes like it's nobody's business.

A Relient K disc wouldn't be the same without a hidden track - unfortunately, all we get here is an outtake verse from "12 Days of Christmas". If it was actually funny, I wouldn't have ruined the surprise for you, but sorry, nothing of note this time around.

I don't mind so much that this collection is a short one, or that it's such a mixed bag, since it's basically just a fun bonus for the fans, and they probably didn't have a long time to work on it. I can tell it'll be a fun record to put on during those semi-cold and fully stressful December days in the years to come, which is good, because with Rebecca St. James' Christmas starting to sound outdated, the Happy Christmas, Vol. 1 compilation revealing itself to be less "hit" and more "miss" as my tastes change, and Jars of Clay's Drummer Boy EP only having two Christmas songs to offer, I've been in need of new Christmas music that doesn't irritate me. If you find yourself in the same boat, and you're not opposed to Relient K's goofy style, you might want to snag this little stocking stuffer sooner rather than later.

ALBUM WORTH:
Angels We Have Heard on High $1
Deck the Halls $.50
12 Days of Christmas $1.50
Silent Night/Away in a Manger $1
I Celebrate the Day $1.50
We Wish You a Merry Christmas $.50
Santa Claus is Thumbing to Town $.50
Handel's Messiah (The Hallelujah Chorus) $.50
I Hate Christmas Parties $1.50
Auld Lang Syne $1
TOTAL: $8.50

Band Members:
Matt Thiessen: Lead vocals, guitar, piano
Matt Hoopes: Guitar, BGV's
Dave Douglas: Drums, BGV's
Brian Pittman: Bass

Website: http://www.relientk.com

Great Music to Play While: Driving to the department store to return the gay apparel your parents gave you for Christmas.


Recommended: Yes