Father's Day, 2000. Our whole crew is safely nestled inside our GMC Safari, kids in their respective carseats, Mom and Pop buckled up in the front. We're headed for Quality Time, a Family Outing of grand proportions. Still fairly close to home, we're all in good spirits, and so far,no one has piped up with the inevitable "Are we there yet?" or "I hafta make!" characteristic of most of our trips longer than 3 city blocks. Everybody's happy.

Until the brain surgeon in front of us decides to stop, that is. From 25 to zero in five seconds flat, and we'll never know why. You see, after my husband skillfully avoids plowing into the fine fellow in front of us, the chap behind us comes plowing into our back bumper. Amid the confusion, Fellow #1 takes off.

Meanwhile, we have a shockingly crumpled bumper, and a side panel that seems to have absorbed a significant amount of the accident's impact. Thank G-d, we're all okay, if thoroughly shaken...nothing a few months of intensive chiropractic treatment won't take care of. The guy who hit us, naturally, has no insurance.


But, like a good neighbor, State Farm is there...ready to pay for new carseats, among other things.

So, we're off to Target (that's Tar-jhay, rhymes with "gourmet"), to procure The Carseats I've Always Wanted. See, about a month after we bought our last set of carseats, I got an eyeful of the (ooh-la-la) Eddie Bauer boosters. Very sharp--hunter and tan upholstery, instead of the usual navy velour. (I'm a sucker for green.) Nifty little mesh elastic pockets on either side hold the numerous treasures that carbound kids seem to require. Five point harness, too. Just what we needed. At that point in time, they were nothing but a far-off dream. <sigh> But, now, by the grace of my Uninsured Motorist Claim, they could be ours!

So, I'm driving our newly crushed mini-van to Target, with visions of matching green carseats dancing in my addled head. We pack the kiddos into a "3-seater" shopping cart and head for the carseat aisle.

A light descends from the heavens, embracing the seats in its shimmering aura. I move toward them, noting the "EB" stylishly monogrammed on the headrest of each seat. (My daughter's initials, as well as Eddie's. It must be Fate.) I give the other seats on display a perfunctory glance, then carefully stow the Eddie Bauers in our extra shopping cart, and make for the checkout line so we can go home and install these babies.


Upon installing our fancy new seats, I notice The First Problem. Our old seats, made by Century, had a handy lift-up flap in the upholstery so that you could easily guide the seatbelt through the seat without accidentally amputating your hand at the wrist, or getting the seatbelt all twisted up. Not on the Eddie Bauer. (But these were green, and that's worth a lot in my book.) So, after an hour of installation time <grr>, the seats were installed. I had managed to escape with both wrists fairly intact.


It was time for the moment of truth: The Test Drive. I popped the baby (10 months) into his rear-facing EB infant seat with no problem. When it came time to hook up my 3 and 5 year olds, though, there was something of a catch. You see, I'd been so blinded by the beauty of these seats, that I'd forgotten to check out their more functional aspects.


My primary disappointment is in the harness system. The chest level clip is lots less secure than the Century's. It's tough to explain, really--the Bauer clip is like a paperclip on steroids, while the Century clip has two separate interlocking pieces. The real problem here is that my kids cant't thread the Bauer clip themselves.


The buckle itself made me long for our Century seats. On the Century, the pieces that clip into the buckle are surrounded by a large rubber grip pad, which prevents them from twisting and tangling. It also makes buckling a cinch. But, alas, we've been trying to untwist our Bauer straps and buckles since day one. Furthermore, the straps are constantly in need of adjustment, something we never experienced with the Century. We are not pleased.


What we have here, folks, is a real marketing success on Cosco's part. They rightly assumed that the consumer would be so wowed by the big name and the pretty extras, that they'd buy this carseat before they noticed it was an inferior product. And they'd be too lazy, having already installed it, to bother returning it. Right on the money.


I'd figured, "Eddie Bauer--these must be everything I've come to expect in a carseat, and more." Actually, they're just green. With neat little mesh pockets that impressed me a lot more than they did my kids, who've yet to use them.




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