Plot Details: This opinion reveals major details about the movie's plot.

You know, I try and be the witty and occasionally funny in these summaries and reviews. While deciding whether or not I'm successful is a task for the faithful reader, I know when I'm outmatched. Mystery Science Theater already took on Godzilla vs the Sea Monster some years ago, and they're thousands of times more funny that I'll ever hope to be.

*sigh*

Ah well, solder I shall!

A storm rages somewhere in the south seas, a boat is lost. Desperate to find his brother, Ryota attempts to enter a dance competion iron man dance-off - only to be thwarted with it being underway. He meets two of the contest losers Ichino and Ninda, who take him to a nearby marina to sneak aboard a yhat. They run afoul of the boats "owner" who mysteriously allows them to stay the night. The next morning finds the boat well at sea, with only Ryota knowing how to drive the damn thing.

There's a convenient plot point news broadcast with a Very Important News Item: A bank robber struck the First National Bank last night. It doesn’t take long for the three heroes to figure out that Yashi is the robber.

Moments later the weather started getting rough, tossing the tiny ship. Due to the incompetence of the fearless crew, and the stolen yacht was lost, stolen yacht was lost. The hero's set down on the shore of this uncharted desert island with Ryota and Ichino too. Yashi, without his cash. Ninda and all the rest - here on Monster Isle!

Sorry, sorry - enough with the Gilligan.

Anyway, the uncharted desert island isn’t quite uninhabited. It's the home base to an evil terrorist organization! These Evil Terrorists are secretly building nuclear weapons with slave labor kidnapped from nearby Infant Island. The Castaways see a boatload of slaves arrive, and get to see the Giant Shrimp Monster Ebirah eat some natives who manage to escape in a canoe. You see, Ebirah attacks any ship approaching that doesn’t have the Ebirah Repellant Spray(tm), allowing the terrorists to come and go with impunity.

The Castaways find a native girl (part of the "All the Rest"), try and free some natives, and find Godzilla hibernating in a cave. Of course what's the logical thing to do in these movies? Wake up the giant monster and run like heck. Meanwhile the natives on Infant Island try and wake Mothra up to go rescue her captured people.

And so Godzilla and Ebirah fight (more like play hacky-sack with a boulder), the bad guys set their base self destruct countdown going, Mothra arrives to rescue everyone from the exploding base. The reactor blows up, and Godzilla swims away in shame. The end.

Oh lord, where do I begin with the pain? Godzilla vs the Sea Monster was of the series directed by Jun Fukuda - who would eventually go on to inflict four more films on us (Son of Godzilla, vs. Gigan, vs. Megalon and vs Mechagodzilla - although that last one wasn’t actually all THAT bad). Thanks to dwindling budgets and series fatigue, he would take Godzilla in new directions - less epic city smashing extravaganzas, more action/adventure. So in Godzilla vs the Sea Monster, Godzilla hangs out on a small island, does very little in the way of metropolis leveling rampages, and doesn’t stop a threat to the planet. This allows the (presumably much cheaper) human story to develop. But, as we know from the other dozen or so reviews, very rarely are the Human Talking scenes enough to carry the day.

To make matters worse, Godzilla's opponent is one of the weakest of the monsters in Godzilla's stable. Sure Ebirah is a giant monster and eats natives, but he's still just a big shrimp. There's some other action when The Evil Terrorists try attacking Godzilla (with the expected results), and a giant bird crosses Godzilla's path. But it's all too skimpy - and often too slapstick - to hold my interest long.

The Humans Talking scenes are - well, beyond stupid. The plot is vaporous, the soundtrack is vastly inappropriate (sounding more like beach surf music than a proper score) and the effects are low rent, even for a Godzilla film - frankly the only redeeming thing about the movie is if you're able to get your hands on the Mystery Science Theater version. At least the pill goes down easier that way.

And what about Scarecrow's Brain?

AND THE WINNER IS:
Godzilla over Ebirah in two rounds - but really, it's like watching the Harlem Globetrotters fighting the Washington Generals. Just not as entertaining.

AND NOW YOU KNOW:
Um. . . terrorism bad? Respect the shrimp? Hell if I know!

THE KENNY FACTOR: 100%
No, theyre not kids in short pants - but I dub them honorary Kennies for being at least as annoying!

THE END. . . . ?
Godzilla swims off, and unfortunately Jun Fukuda haunts us for the next couple of years.

THE DVD:
This DVD is part of the 50 Years of Godzilla celebration and looks pretty slick as a result. You can see every anamorphic widescreen frame in agonizing clarity. The soundtrack comes in both flavors: English AND Japanese, with appropriate subtitles. The extras consist of some vaugly relevant trailers to the Godzilla collection, a teaser for Tokyo S.O.S. and a bunch of trailers totally unrelated to Godzilla.

Sadly the MST3K version isn’t out on DVD, and probably never will be.

THE BOTTOM LINE:
Godzilla vs the Sea Monster is a trainwreck of a movie wrapped up with a neat bow and given a slick presentation. It also marks the beginning of the end as far as the Showa series is concerned. No doubt about it, this is a low point of G's career.

This review is part of my "Thirty Days (more or less) of Godzilla" review blitz, where I watch every single Godzilla movie ever made. Check out the rest of the Godzillathon:
* Godzilla: King of the Monsters
* Godzilla Raids Again
* King Kong vs Godzilla
* King Kong Escapes
* Mothra vs Godzilla
* Invasion of Astro Monster
* Godzilla vs the Sea Monster
* Son of Godzilla
* Destroy All Monsters
* Godzilla's Revenge
* Godzilla vs Mechagodzilla
* The Terror of MechaGodzilla
* Godzilla: The Animated Series
* Godzilla vs Biollante
* Godzilla vs King Ghidorah
* Godzilla vs Space Godzilla
* Godzilla vs Destroyah
* The American 1998 Godzilla
* Godzilla 2000
* Godzilla vs Megaguirus
* Godzilla: Final Wars

Recommended: Yes

Viewing Format: DVD
Video Occasion: Fit for Friday Evening
Suitability For Children: Suitable for Children Age 9 - 12