{Note: This essay is a write-off entrant into dianapinions' December '07 write-off about things small, found at http://www.epinions.com/content_5141209220.}


The thing about Pepperidge Farm Goldfish Baked Snack Crackers is that you get to fool yourself twice.

First, since they are small, you can tell yourself, "Hey, I can eat a LOT of these little crackers, and since they're so small, I won't pile on the calories." That way you can get fat and not feel so guilty. Actually, a typical helping of these little golden babies is about 55 tiny crackers, and that little total of fifty-five crackers equals "one serving", which equals 150 calories. So suppose you munch three or four servings while you're casually watching "The Colbert Report". Voila! You've just quaffed down 600 calories while you thought you were eating practically air. Eat a whole 58 oz. box and you have just turned yourself into a blimp.

To add insult to caloric injury, these Goldfish are "baked". Today "baking" things like crackers and potato chips is another way we are made to think that we can eat more since we are getting a less damaging product. Actually, baked crackers like this are actually less damaging to one's cardiovascular system and less caloric, but the way most people's minds works is that this only means now you can eat more and you'll be safer.

What about the taste?

Actually, if you love the taste of "real" Goldfish, a taste akin to a "real" Cheezit, these baked goods come off as a bit of a letdown. They have a sort of doughy taste to them, actually. Maybe even cardboardy.

The moral? If you're going to wreck your health by piling on the pounds through eating things like Goldfish and Cheezits, you might as well grab all the cholesterol you can get and get the "real" thing.

Now, for those of you who can actually control yourselves, these are actually not that bad a deal. If you can just eat a few at a time, these are probably a very sensible way to snack, and actually the taste isn't really all that bad. Just not primo, but hey, you're cuttin' down on the carbs- and the calories.

Come to think of it, there is something psychologically appealing about the whole idea of shaping a cracker like a goldfish. I mean, goldfish, as we all know, are tiny little fishies in ponds and things. They're cute. Eating one hardly makes a difference, we rationalize. So you can eat a bunch and not have to worry.

So subliminally, we eat oodles of Goldfish, and then we wonder why we gained 5 pounds last week. Duh. The marketing guys got us again. Maybe when we see a Goldfish cracker, we should really visualize it as a whale.

Anyway, they are not bad, but remember, "Small though they may be, a school of goldfish in your tummy...can make you big as a tree." Or something like that.

Serving Size 55 pieces (30g, 1.1oz))
Calories: 140
Calories from fat: 45
Total Fat: 5g (8% daily value)
Saturated fat: 1g (5% daily value)
Trans fat: 0g
Polyunsaturated fat: 1.5g
Monounsaturated fat: 2.5g
Cholesterol: less than 5mg (1% daily value)
Sodium: 250mg (10% daily value)
Total Carbohydrate: 19g (6% daily value)
Dietary fiber: 2g (7% daily value)
Sugars: less than 1g
Protein: 4g
Vitamin A: 0% daily value
Vitamin C: 0% daily value
Calcium: 4% daily value
Iron: 6% daily value

Three Stars/***

Recommended: No