The People vs. The State of Wheatgrass
Written: Apr 01 '00 (Updated Apr 03 '00)
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Product Rating:
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Pros: did I mention Corned Beef Hash?; poor service; memory of Helen
Cons: next door to Starbucks; inside isn't quite cramped enough
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| lee's Full Review: Herb's Fine Foods |
I love eating breakfast in a Diner. Being from New Jersey I happen to be somewhat of a Diner aficionado, or whatever. I'm not talking about the generic kind you find in your typical Rust Belt truck stop exit off I-80, but a real place where you can get some eggs, read the paper, drink your coffee, and get bossed around by the servers. So, here are my criterion for evaluating Diners and where Herb's fits into the picture.
Service:
Some people value having their butt kissed while they eat, but not me. I'd rather do my thing, have them do their thing and get on with the morning. Don't get me wrong, I like a server to be friendly, but not if they're just doing it for me, you know? If they're sincerely just nice people well, then great, added bonus. To me this is one of the most tangible factors when evaluating a Diner. If the service is bad, then you know the food is good.
This is pretty much the case at Herb's now that Helen* (this is a pseudonym so that she may remain anonymous, pure) has given up her job to pursue a career in urban planning (see below for more Helen). But it's actually a good thing because now the service is uniformly bad. You know what that means? The food just got that much better.
The past 3 times I've been there the server has gotten my order wrong. Fact. And when I tell her, she shoots me a look as if to say, "Didn't you see me just came from the kitchen?". I shoot one back, "Whatever, just bring the corned beef hash!" There's no hard feelings, really. It's just honest non-verbal communication (she's stuck behind a sweaty counter on a beautiful day and I'm starving with a slight hang over). As she walks away shaking her head, that's when my mouth starts to water.
Food:
Herb's serves straight up greasy Diner food and they do it well. The menus are laminated sheets of paper with hand written pricing, and by the looks of them they haven't been replaced since the joint opened in 1948. Don't come here looking for crepes, fritattas, fresh squeezed blood orange juice, or any of that other fancy cr** that they serve all over the city these days. You come to Herb's for eggs and other stuff that go well with them, namely Corned Beef Hash and Home Fries (only, in Herb's they call them Hash Browns-colloquial speech, you know). Oh yea, you get to choose between Rye, Wheat, or Sour Dough toast. If you want an English Muffin you gotta ask for it and it's an extra .10. I usually go for it. Round it out with a coffee and large grapefruit juice and you're all set.
They serve a decent omelette too. When I feel like something different I'll usually go with the Denver. I hear the Eggs Benedict isn't bad, but I never touch the stuff. Pancakes are good. If you're feeling daring, give the Portuguese Wine Sausage and Eggs a shot. I did once and wasn't disappointed. They also serve lunch, with burgers and grilled cheese being safe bets.
Corned Beef Hash:
I'd like to take this opportunity to raise awareness about an endangered breakfast food (raising awareness is big in Cali. now, if we could only pass good laws). Corned beef hash, affectionately known as "Hash" back East (also, potatoes are Home Fries), is falling out of favor these days and something needs to be done about it. I can count the number of places that serve Hash in this city on my hands and not many of them do it well. Herb's and Kate's (Lower Haight) are at the top of my list. There may be others, but these two places have cornered the market that is my appetite. Herb's does it like my beloved Excellent Diner did back in Westfield, NJ (was closed 3 years ago due to rent hikes. it sold to some German entertainment company who resurrected it in Hamburg as some monument to 1950's Americana. whatever.). The temperature of the Hash: crisp on the outside, tender on the inside. Mmmm, so good....Oh yeah, awareness. I fear that people are just too scared to eat it due to its high fat content. So what if you gain a few pounds? When will you people wake up and realize that soft is sexy? Fact. Please do your part to salvage this small yet integral part of our American culinary heritage by ordering it at your next brunch. I promise you won't regret it.
Interior/Decor/Floorplan:
Booths of rose colored vinyl flank formica tabletops of white & pink patchwork which line the right and left walls, while a U shaped counter and stools bisect the room perpendicular to the street. This centerpiece is butted by a cashier stand (front) and kitchen (rear). There is one booth near the front windows (prime spot) that can accommodate large parties. The rest seat 2-4, unless you are a late riser in which case you might get a booth all to yourself. Don't expect that to happen unless you're there after 2:15pm, and don't expect them not to ask you to get up and move if a larger party comes in. The stool spots aren't bad, but there isn't much room between the stool and the bottom of the counter. If you got big legs you might want to wait for a booth.
The one problem I have with the floorplan is that it isn't quite cramped enough. The best Diners force the people waiting for a table to at least inconvenience a couple booth parties. The way Herb's is set up it is way too easy for the line to just slip out the door.
I have to say that despite all the beautification that has taken place in and around Noe Valley in recent times, Herb's (as well as many other local establishments) has stuck to its guns. It is a San Francisco landmark that continues to poorly serve straight up great Diner food despite increasing demand for wheatgrass, fancy breakfast stuff, and ingratiating servants. It is conveniently located right next to Starbucks and the juxtaposition is just perfect. Things really do become clear when you hold them up to the light.
All in all Herb's isn't quite the Summit Diner (Summit, NJ-so good you can't believe it), but it is good enough to give this kid from Jerz what he needs in the way of a good brunch.
If you come on Saturdays, sometime between 11:30am - 2pm, I might just let you try my Hash.
**Helen was a beautiful soul who was actually the best server I have ever had the pleasure of placing an order with. I looked forward to every weekend brunch largely due to the opportunity to dine in her presence (and the Hash, of course). It's a seat yourself place and there was always a little suspense involved before you knew whether you were sitting in her section or not. It made your day if you were. You accepted the extra long wait for coffee refills if not.
Recommended:
Yes
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Epinions.com ID:
lee
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Member: Lee Topar
Location: San Francisco, CA
Reviews written: 8
Trusted by: 39 members
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