"Douglas had a great party to which he invited Jim Henson… As Jim was leaving, he presented Douglas with a very large smoked salmon. Douglas just stared at it. Finally Jim said, 'Say it, Douglas.' Getting it at last, Douglas said, 'So long, and thanks for all the fish.'" (One of the all-too-infrequent moments of brilliance from "Hitchhiker: A Biography of Douglas Adams" by M.J. Simpson, page 226)

Douglas Adams was known for the social conscience and loopy wit he brought to such books as "The Meaning of Liff", "Last Chance to See", and "Starship Titanic" (also a videogame, which nearly rivaled its nautical namesake for sheer quantity of failure). He was better known for the existentialist-cum-time-travel-cum-loopy-wit-fest detective series, which featured confused (and confusing) protagonist Dirk Gently ("Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency" and "The Long Dark Tea-Time of the Soul").

But Douglas Adams is best known for the loopy wit he displayed in the increasingly-misnamed "Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy" Trilogy, which, even if you don't include the posthumously-published "Salmon of Doubt" (and you shouldn't), wound up including five titles ("The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy", "The Restaurant at the End of the Universe", "Life, the Universe, and Everything", "So Long, and Thanks For All the Fish", and "Mostly Harmless").

When Adams died on May 11, 2001, suffering a heart attack while exercising at a Los Angeles-area gym, the odds that a representative from the human race would find the answer to life, the universe, and everything became even greater. Adams' remarkable insight and, dare I say it, loopy wit were a treasure adored by his millions of fans the world over.

Seeing as he has not the insight nor the wit to discover any deeper meanings himself, author M.J. Simpson, in the first of what will probably be many Douglas Adams biographies, tries to understand the man himself. Simpson, touted as "the world's leading authority on the life and career of Douglas Adams" (by the it-has-to-be-credible blurb gracing the back of this book, no less), comes close to unwrapping the enigma that is Adams. But he is more successful in delivering a 338-page laundry list of uncontextualized facts and figures, which don't really come close to bringing the life of Adams into clearer focus.

Things start out well, though. A quick peek at the table of contents will show that the book is divided up into 42 chapters. It's a nice little in-joke, and a shorthand way for Simpson to display an understanding of his subject to the subject's loyal fans. But once one reads through the book a bit, they'll notice that there's generally no real rhyme or reason why any one chapter ends and any other chapter begins, thus sapping some of the joke's power. It becomes merely an aesthetic manipulation, rather than an organic result of the book's content.

Simpson does score major points with his thoroughness. He actually is somewhat of a renowned archivist, who has dug deep into his files for interesting and amusing Adams anecdotes, heretofore unseen by most people. Most amusingly is a self-written mini-bio, taken from a programme for a theatrical revue Adams wrote and starred in during the period post-graduation and pre-"Hitchhiker's". Note the ironic-modesty and trademark verbal imagery that would mark Adams later works: "…always a generous person, [Adams] rarely carries money in case he gives it away. Favourite sport: flicking elephants onto their back and watching them struggle." But many of these little tidbits Simpson has uncovered are really only of interest to die-hard "Hitchhiker" fans, and often assume a healthy prior knowledge of Adams' work (if you didn't get the "42" joke from above, steer clear of this book). Non-"Hitchhiker" fans will be left out in the cold (although I can't imagine why non-"Hitchhiker" fans would be reading a biography of Douglas Adams; that'd be like a vegan showing up for dinner at Sizzler… there's nothing there for them).

No bio would be complete without a tour through the subject's life-conflicts. Simpson has a few to choose from here. And though none is inherently dramatic, he keeps coming back to them in such a way that it appears a story is taking shape. He gets a lot of mileage out of the notion that Adams was a chronic procrastinator and self-doubter, to the point where his habit of missing deadlines was legendary. "I love deadlines," Adams is often quoted as saying. "I love the whooshing noise they make as they go by." There's no indication of the tortured artist in that quote, but he does appear throughout the rest of the book. Simpson never gets past the pop-psych level, when it comes to understanding this facet of Adams' personality. He just relates endless tales of deadlines missed, and quips offered to explain said tardiness. The closest he ever comes to understanding this part of Adams' personality is when he notes, "he found writing utter hell on his own, and immense fun and very easy when working with other people. But… he always wanted to work on his own. Go figure, as they say." That's not an especially solid conclusion, especially when dealing with a character trait that important.

Other conflicts, which pop up and down throughout the book like a game of Wack-a-Mole, are Adams' inability to get a "Hitchhiker" live-action movie made with Hollywood's co-operation, and the oddball business dealings that usually follow whenever anyone rises to fame as quickly as Adams did. These themes dominate most of the latter half of Adams' life, and while Simpson is having a grand old time relating anecdote after anecdote, he very rarely has any valuable insights. Is Adams to blame? Hollywood? The jackals who've come out of the woodwork (to mix a metaphor)? None of the above? All of the above? Simpson is unwilling, for some reason, to lay blame at anyone's feet. "Go figure", as he is wont to say.

There are some aspects of the book that I did enjoy, however. Mostly, they come from a surprising source: Simpson himself. While 90% of the time his prose is dry and dull and soporific, Simpson, in the remaining 10%, flashes brief but welcome moments of subtle wit. Often they come as editorial comments, after a quote from an Adams friend. John Lloyd, a frequent Adams collaborator (he actually helped write one-third of episode 5 and half of episode 6 of the original "Hitchhiker" radio series; also, Lloyd gets the "honour" writing this bio's foreword), recounts one such project he nearly shared with Adams:

"'We were asked by Rae Knight who worked for Beryl Vertue who worked for Robert Stigwood to do a treatment for Mark Forstater who had acquired the film rights to The Guinness Book of World Records,' remembers Lloyd with commendable accuracy."

It's those last five words that got me. For some reason, the thought of Simpson, alone with his typewriter, offering up straight-faced but tongue-in-cheek commentary on the memory of John Lloyd is infinitely amusing. Another example, this little story from the 1979 World Science Fiction Convention, in which the "Hitchhiker's" radio series was up for Best Dramatic Presentation, an award won by the first "Superman" movie:

"Christopher Reeve, who accepted the Hugo Award on behalf of the Superman team, [was] accompanied by a few hisses from the Hitchhiker's fans. He joked, 'I'd like to say to the producers of Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy - it was fixed.' An admirable reaction."

Maybe this doesn't come across to you, but I find Simpson's reactions to these quotes exceedingly charming. Maybe because it's the only example of charm he's shown throughout the entire book.

The greatest crime Simpson commits, though, is admitting, on more than one occasion, that he never truly got a handle on Adams' character. "Therein lies the problem with researching Douglas Adams' life," he notes early on. "He was a great raconteur and had an ever-expanding repertoire of stories which he told in hundreds of interviews around the world. But as a successful writer, and more pointedly as a frustrated writer-performer, he couldn't help embellishing the stories, honing them at each successive interview, as a stand-up comedian will hone a routine. A word here, a date there, all to make the story pithier, sharper, funnier." Now, I understand that no single person can be fully understood, even by their closest friends. But this admission of guilt colours Simpson as an inferior biographer, someone more than capable of keeping the information safe, but not able to extract meaning from it.

Further torpedoing his reputation is this statement, from the Further Reading section that brings up the rear of the book: "Where possible, I have avoided in this book duplicating anecdotes from [Neil Gaiman's] Don't Panic. A concise examination of Douglas' career is my own The Pocket Essential Hitchhiker's Guide." After trudging through 300+ pages of Simpson's unfulfilling prose, now he tells us that what we've just read is not nearly the complete story!?! And, to get the rest of the tale, he includes a plug for another of his own books! I was incredulous when I read that.

Adams, as a boy, grew up idolizing the Beatles and Monty Python. As an adult he became acquainted with Paul McCartney, Ringo Starr, and George Harrison, and found himself a friend and collaborator with John Cleese, Graham Chapman, and Terry Jones. There's even one story where his friendship with the members of Pink Floyd helped him get on stage with the band, to play guitar for one song during a stadium show. It's a tough sell saying that a man blessed with such good fortune (by the way, "Hitchhiker's" made him exceedingly rich as well) should also be remembered with a quality biography. But those are the wares I'm putting on the market. Douglas Adams, a writer who brought much joy to me and many others, deserves better than M.J. Simpson's "Hitchhiker". Gosh, even the book's humdrum title lacks imagination and insight!

Recommended: No