My Daughter Will Know What Oral Sex Is When She's Ten
Written: Oct 04 '06 (Updated Oct 04 '06)
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Pros: frank discussion of puberty, sex, and health; wonderful descriptive illustrations; Bird and Bee
Cons: may be too controversial for some; this book has been banned in some school districts
The Bottom Line: I don't know of a better book that guides adolescents through puberty and sexual awareness and sexual health. It is fun to read and very accessible.
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| jeavinl's Full Review: Robie H. Harris - It's Perfectly Normal: Changing ... |
ALL MY FRIENDS ARE HAVING ORAL SEX; I JUST WANT TO KNOW WHAT IT IS
I was a precocious child. I wanted to know everything. So, naturally, when puberty began to set in (fifth grade) and I saw an old paperback on the top shelf of my parents’ bookcase called Everything You Always Wanted to Know about Sex (a classic sex book originally published in the 1970s), I confiscated it. I didn’t ask permission to read it. I just did. Did I understand most of it? Certainly not. I still remember being most amused by the newfound definition for the word “john.” A friend of mine loaned me a question-and-answer book geared to middle schoolers about sex at around the same time (sixth grade), and both were well-read volumes when my bedroom door was shut.
My mom had nothing to worry about. Dating, kissing, and sex didn’t end up part of my life until college, but I wasn’t about to let on to my friends about how unknowledgeable I was. I wanted to be in on the jokes, not the butt of one. I also wanted to know what all the fuss was about. It seemed so secretive and mysterious. Of course I wanted to know what was happening to my body, whether or not I was normal (something all prepubescent children wonder), and what other people were talking about. I mean, heck, “oral sex” at that time meant talking dirty. So of course all my friends were having “oral sex.”
But I wish I had found a book like It’s Perfectly Normal back then. With its reassuring yet matter-of-fact tone and its cartoonish illustrations, it’s the perfect guidebook for a preteen.
WHY DOES A MOTHER OF A TODDLER HAVE THIS BOOK ON HER SHELF?
Actually, I picked this book up while I was pregnant. It came across my desk when I was working at a book review magazine and it looked amazing. My at-the-time 14-year-old sister was being harassed at school by some boys and I worried that she wasn’t worldly enough to realize what was going on. She has developmental issues that make her seem emotionally more like an eight- or nine-year-old sometimes. My mother is not the most open when it comes to discussing sex or even showing affection, so I was sure my sister was in the dark about a lot of things going on inside her and outside in the world. Yet she was in eighth grade and soon entering high school. She was already menstruating and having crushes on boys. Plus, lots of her classmates were dating and/or more. She even mentioned that one girl in her school had become pregnant. I wondered if she knew what that meant or how it happened. So after a quick perusal, I passed this book along to her, hoping that my mom wouldn’t get overly excited by its presence or my big sisterly gesture. I also hoped that my mom would sit down with her and answer her questions.
THE BASICS
With its large paperback format (8 1/2 by 10 inch build), this guide shouts out workbook, not secretive text that can be stashed in a back pocket or under a pillow. It does not want to be hidden away but read and reread with guidance from a trusted adult. Still, it’s not thick and provides a very manageable read with only 89 pages and numerous short chapters. Both the Table of Contents and Index provide easy access to terms such as DNA, wet dreams, zits, and AIDS.
The guise of the whole book is that two tiny cartoon creatures (Bird and Bee, ala “the birds and the bees”) are discussing a book that one of them (Bird) is reading. Bee, on the other hand, seems appalled yet curious about the text and begrudgingly agrees to take a quick peek at it. The two characters appear on most pages with dialogue balloons. They serve to break up the text and also to add commentary. Bee often says things like “Gross!” and voices the opinions of the uninitiated. For instance, when discussing contraception he asks, “Creams, jellies, and sponges? You don’t think they mean shaving cream or grape jelly or kitchen sink sponges?” While Bird, though still learning, appears to have a more open-minded approach to sex and has some knowledge of the goings on of the body.
Just about every aspect of puberty and sexual health is covered. It begins with discussions of gender and sexual reproduction and puberty (including requisite nude cartoons illustrating the body parts and a full-page, many-paneled, comic-strip-style “Travels of the Egg” as it moves through the Fallopian tubes and is shed from the uterus). It goes on to discuss the biology of baby making (genes and chromosomes), sexual intercourse, pregnancy, and birth. There’s a section on sexual planning that covers birth control methods, abstinence, and abortion and a section on maintaining health through checkups, honest conversation about abuse, and making responsible choices.
The tone is very matter of fact and all of the information is conveyed in a way that kids will understand. There is no glossary, but difficult terms are explained within the text. There are many colorful cartoon illustrations that help to further a preteens’ understanding of the information and break up the text so that it’s easier to read for more visual learners.
PARTS OF THE BOOK
This book is divided into seven main sections, each of which has anywhere from two to seven chapters.
Introduction: Lots of Questions
1. What Is Sex?
2. Our Bodies
3. Puberty
4. Families and Babies
5. Decisions
6. Staying Healthy
SO WHAT’S ALL THE FUSS ABOUT?
This book has won many awards but it’s also been the target of many book challenges and bannings. Parents and clergymen have been outraged that this book is available in public and school libraries and targeted at 10- to 14-year-olds. So what’s so shocking about this book?
As my mother said when she returned it to me (yes, she discouraged my sister from reading it and then gave it back to me), she was flabbergasted by the questions it inspired my sister to ask (for instance, “What’s ‘pulling out’ mean?). In other words, my mother was embarrassed by this book and everything in it. She also mentioned how the church (Catholic one in particular) is vehemently against masturbation and abortion, both of which are candidly discussed in this book. My mom is a baby boomer and though she wore bellbottoms in the 60s and 70s, she is a prude. The sex talk she had with me almost 20 years ago basically consisted of, “Sex hurts. Don’t do it.” I know that wasn’t sufficient for me and I can’t imagine it’s sufficient for my sister.
I have read through most of this book and skimmed through the parts that I didn’t read word for word. I can definitely see where people have issues with It’s Perfectly Normal, but I still think it’s the best guide out there for kids. I do agree that it is best used in conjunction with adult guidance, but not all children have that luxury.
The first thing that jumped out at me about this book are the cartoon illustrations. These watercolor and pencil renderings are of naked, anatomically correct cartoon figures with pubic hair who pose in somewhat explicit ways. It all serves a purpose though. For instance, there’s an illustration of a woman bending over so that her genitalia are visible. This is a diagram that correctly labels the body parts. It’s not porn. Though it may make kids snicker. I have to admit, I snickered at the full frontal of an elderly man with sagging sacs. It’s hard not to.
The second controversial issue I stumbled upon was the frank discussion of masturbation. A two-page chapter discusses this all-too-common behavior that usually gets jumpstarted during puberty. In my mind, the author covers this very cautiously without getting too specific. She does say that hormones are raging during puberty and boys and girls often end up “feeling sexy” when something arouses them (the term “arousal” is not used in this chapter). She acknowledges that there are people who consider it wrong behavior and says that many people (babies, kids, and adults) masturbate and many don’t. She does give masturbation a positive spin by saying that it isn’t harmful and can’t result in pregnancy or STDs. Given the numerous diseases she later discusses, this may look even more promising for kids. There is an illustration of a girl lying in bed with her hand between her legs. She is wearing a sweater and no genitalia are visible. Beneath that is a picture of a boy sitting up in bed with his clenched fist between his legs and there are comic-strip motion lines that insinuate his arms are moving. There are no visible genitalia here either.
The third issue I encountered that may cause some frustration with parents and clergymen is that there are illustrations of families with two mommies or two daddies. There is a chapter about homosexuality (that mainly talks about it from a historical point of view and says that scientists don’t have any clear answers as to why one person is homosexual and another is heterosexual) and there is discussion of different types of families. Anal sex is mentioned but only in a list of other things people do sexually and is defined and later listed as a means of getting STDs.
The fourth item I encountered that some individuals may feel is misplaced in this book for preteens is the chapter about abortion. I don’t have a problem with it. It is a legal practice in the United States and children will hear about it on TV, in newspapers, and (hopefully not) from friends. Even just from an educational standpoint, there are many kids who take part in debate teams in middle school and who may find abortion is a topic covered. The chapter in It’s Perfectly Normal discusses miscarriages as well as pills and doctor/clinic-performed procedures. There aren’t any cute illustrations here other than Bird and Bee saying that they’re not sure what abortion is. The text defines abortion and lists possible reasons a woman might choose one. The main focus of the chapter, though, covers the Supreme Court rulings and state-specific restrictions. It’s not treated as something you casually do as a preventive measure, but discussed in a way that makes children aware of its existence. There is a separate chapter about birth control that mentions the numerous types from run-of-the-mill male condoms and birth control pills to female condoms and IUDs. Abstinence and postponement are explained as viable options for young people and abstinence is mentioned throughout the book as the only sure way to prevent pregnancy and the spread of STDs.
ADDITIONAL THOUGHTS
It's Perfectly Normal has been around for more than 10 years. The anniversary edition I have was "completely updated." I never saw the original edition, but I assume most of the changes revolve around the abortion chapter and the AIDS chapter.
This is such a great book. It provides straightforward answers without getting into too much detail. (I may anticipate my daughter knowing what oral sex is at 10, but I don't want her performing it!) Still, the information isn't clinical. Bird and Bee are adorable little characters who add personality to the book. The tone is conversational yet informative. I like that proper terminology is used throughout so that children don't get confused.
The illustrations are terrific. They're definitely cartoonish, but the nudes are realistic enough to convey that people come in all shapes and sizes. That's a message that holds true throughout the book. It's very inclusive and shows people of different ethnicities as well as different sexual orientations and ages. I love the illustration of an elderly man trying to give his "girl" a kiss on the cheek in the chapter on "Making Love."
But there are two pages of nudes lined up next to each other that did catch me off guard. There are babies, children, a man in a wheelchair, an elderly woman, a rather plump middle-aged woman, a bodybuilder, a shaggy-haired skinny man, etc. Though it threw me at first, I think it's great that all of these varieties of people are portrayed. Too often in books for kids, there's that universal outlined figure with labeled body parts. These pictures are of real people like you and me.
OVERALL
I am of the opinion that knowledge is power. I would rather my child know and understand all the facts than for her to piece them together on her own from the bits she overhears her friends talking about or from TV or from a book meant for adults (like I did). It’s Perfectly Normal treats children with the respect they deserve and gives them honest answers to the questions they have and anticipates the ones they will have. Its large format and matter-of-fact tone begs it to be used as a discussion starter. The illustrations make the information more understandable and more easily accessible to children who aren’t strong readers. I’m going to try to get my mom to bring this book back into her home for my now-16-year-old sister, who is still naive in so many ways. But even if she won’t accept it, I will definitely hold onto it for seven or eight years until my daughter is ready for it. I haven’t seen anything else like this for this audience. Yes, there are plenty of pocket-size Q & A-type books, but this one covers all the bases and does it in a style that is fun to read, educational, and non-judgmental.
It’s Perfectly Normal
Written by Robie H. Harris
Illustrated by Michael Emberley
Published by Candlewick Press, originally in 1994 and republished and updated in 2004
10th Anniversary Edition Paperback ISBN 0-7636-2433-0
This book retails for $10.99 U.S./$15.99 Canada
This review has been brought to you in honor of Banned Books Week. It is a late entry in pestyside’s write-off.
Here is another review I wrote that may be of interest if you’re looking for a teaching guide about banned books. Teaching Banned Books: 12 Guides for Young Readers
Recommended:
Yes
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