Barbara Coloroso could be my twin. She looks nothing like me so I am not speaking of looking alike here. She is my intellectual twin. I picked up her book " Kids are Worth It" for free using an Amazon.com gift certificate. I read the entire book in one night and found my neck tired in the end from nodding in agreement with basically every word she wrote.
The book " Kids Are Worth It" is a basic parenting book written to tackle what Coloroso deems the 3 types of upbringing children and how to avoid being the two she deems detrimental the Jellyfish parent and the Brickwall parent.
I write this opinion, not only because I agree with the basic principles she talks about but also because I , was raised in a "Brickwall" family and can clearly see what effects such parenting can have on a child. What am I talking about? Please allow me to clarify the 2 types of upbringing avoid in order to raise moral, ethical, and balanced children:
THE BRICKWALL FAMILY
In the Brickwall family what mom( or dad) says goes. Period. The child has no space or right to voice their own opinion on basically anything. The child is brought up with such tight boundaries that they learn to respect their parents out of fear first. The brickwall parent assumes total control of the child, often making very basic decisions for that child as not to give that child *any* independence. The brickwall parent is so good at this that he( or she) can mask their control in front of others. Strangers or even close family friends cannot see through the mask of the Brickwall parent because the child, fearing the consequences, dons the face of a happy child while all the time very unhappy.
THE JELLYFISH FAMILY
The Jellyfish family is almost in stark contrast of the Brickwall family. In the Jellyfish family the parents allow the children to do basically anything, setting no boundaries, and lending very little to the child's moral and ethical upbringing. Every now and then the Jellyfish parent realizes that they haven't done the best job at parenting so they lash out in anger at themselves on their children, sending mixed messages to the child about what she( or he) can or really cannot do. The jellyfish parent indulges the child in anything he/she wants in order to keep peace and harmony in the household all while at the same time the child seeks and wants some boundaries and needs to know from their parents what TRULY is right and wrong.
As you can clearly see, Coloroso and I, believe in an upbringing that is in the middle of these two categories. Yes, children should and will respect their parents and in the end run a parents decisions need to be honored but at the same time children need and should be allowed to have an opinion, speak it, and have it be respected in return.
Coloroso's writing is an easy read. It flows very easily with short chapters and interesting examples and statistics.
I will concede this. My children are still very young and the vast majority of Coloroso's book *is* aimed at a slightly older age range. In my opinion this would be 6 years of age and up. However, I know I agree with and will implement the same parenting plan that Coloroso speaks about because, to me , it's how *I* would have liked to have been treated.
Throughout the book she tackles numerous situations regarding children and appropriate punishment or what, if any, boundaries should be set. She speaks in depth about leaving a child's self esteem INTACT no matter what. If you read any of my other epinions regarding child rearing you will see how strongly I feel about this issue.
I would recommend this book to any mother or mother to be even if the book seems advanced for infants and toddlers there is no such thing as reading a book TOO early.. It is not long, it is available cheaply in paperback, and it is an easy read and makes a lasting impression.
Yes, my mom and dad were " Brickwall" parents but I know I will not be because, like Coloroso, I know what damage that can do to a child.
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