quipowerty's Full Review: Laundry Service by Shakira
Is this the real Shakira, or a clone?
Born in Barrabquilla, Colombia, in 1977, Shakira Isabel Mebarak Ripoll quickly became musically talented as a kid, and was soon winning local music awards. She soon became famous for her talent and her innovative habit of blending rock music and elements of pop and tango into her songs. She was at her best when playing the guitar, or singing while someone played the guitar with her on stage. The music was noted for its Middle Eastern melodies and instruments (her father is a Lebanese-born businessman) and their haunting tone.
Many of her songs, at least her Espanol songs, involve serious social issues such as class inequality, environmental pollution, and the armed conflict eating away at her home country, and what not. Her voice is not super-sweet, in fact it's rather raspy, but it turned out be a major part of her appeal; she was essentially a normal-looking and normal-voiced girl whom many ordinary people could relate to. Hence her sharp eyes and thick, dark hair quickly became an icon all over Latin America and even became well known in the US. In 2001, she also began dating a son of former Argentine President Fernando De la Rua. Or so we think.
In 2000, however, she got her US green card, hoping to go on a concert tour. As soon as she arrived, Shakira was approached by some music execs who said "Hey, let's turn this little woman into the next Britney or Madonna. Let's even try to and get your hair dyed yellow, to match her with the style here. And let's add all kinds of synthesizer stuff. That way, we can turn you into the next hot commercial moneymaker of the week, and you'll be making millions." Rumor even has it that she refused, and someone hired by the execs kidnapped her and made her disappear somewhere. They probably strapped her to a chair in a laboratory, and the scientists performed an operation which brainwashed her and turned her into a half-shirt-wearing sex-kitten who could easily be manipulated into a over-sexualized boy toy. Either that or they made a clone from her tissue, then put her into the brainwashing process. AAARRRGGGHHH!!!!
Anyway, back to the “singing”. There are videos out for three songs on the track, and they all suck (so do the songs). Senora, what has happened to you!!! You're becoming another commercialized- or rather Americanized- cash cow! The blond hair dye, the incoherent English, and bones protruding on your body say it all.
I predict that this ‘album’ will not last long compared to her Spanish albums, it’s just too bubblegum. Nowhere is this more apparent than the three most popular songs and their corresponding music 'videos':
Whenever, Wherever- Shakira's debut song. The beat is catchy, and the Inca panpipes add an authentic element, but the dialogue is uh, segmented. Girl, I hope you don't get trampled by all these horsies. And please don't hug the ground with nothing but a bra while they're galloping by. Of course I do like girls with hot bodies, but folks, this isn't supposed to be a Victoria's Secret commercial.
Underneath Your Clothes- A regular road song. It's quite similar to Debbie Gibson's song whose name I can't remember. Been there done that. The video wasn't that bad, largely because it realistically shows Shakira and her band members out on the road, often bored and sleepy, but the singing is pretty dull. The raspy voice is at its worst here. It may work for Shakira when she is singing en Espanol, but here it doesn't click, and at times actually annoyed me outright.
The Objection- too bland. Take out the incoherent sentences and it's just another tango ensemble, just one with a faster beat. The video for it, however, was VOMIT-INDUCING, one of the worst music videos I've ever seen. There is even a scene where an angry lover punches a gay-looking dimwit in a SUPERMAN costume, but to no effect. COME ON! That muscleman could have those pansies for lunch. The end scene is too putrid to describe here. Avoid at all costs.
All the others- I'm not even gonna describe them because like the previous three I CANNOT UNDERSTAND ANY SENTENCE SHE IS SAYING!!! She cannot sing at all in English, period! And I'm way to agitated too say anything about them either.
What happened the innocent and socially conscious Colombianized Shakira I used to love??? What happened to the hair and its natural deep black hue? What happened to the shapely curves and modest personality? You're not supposed to be stripping; you’re not supposed to be blonde, and you’re not supposed to be rail-thin to the point of starvation. And you’re not supposed to stand half-naked on stage shaking your you-know-what on stage. And please try to sing a little more Spanish to an American audience next time. If not, I won't be surprised if Eminem insults you out hard in his next video. Better yet, someone investigate Shakira's disappearance, find out where she is, bring her back to the real world, and get rid of that ‘clone’.
As for the reader, if you want a girl who both AND talented AND fashionably modest go with piano-player Vanessa Carlton. Even Britney, for all her flaws, is much more attractive (at least she isn't bony), and at least her songs are much more readable.
Bring back the original Colombianized Shakira and pretend this manufactured blond-dyed Americanized clone of hers never existed.
A child prodigy who wrote her first song at age eight, Shakira is a blond-locked Colombian who speaks three languages and loves only in Spanish. She i...More at Buy.com Marketplaces
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