Machete

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Jessica Alba Naked, Lindsey Lohan Naked in the First Epic Mexploitation Classic: MACHETE

Sep 3, 2010
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Rated a Very Helpful Review
  • User Rating: Excellent

  • Bang For The Buck

Pros:The hot and cold running blood.  Jessica and Lindsey are naked, Danny is not.

Cons:Purest Mexploitation.  You love it or you don't.

The Bottom Line: I invented an new word!  Mexploitation!  Quentin Tarrintino wishes he had made this movie!


Machete (2010) Directed by Ethan Maniquis and  Robert Rodriguez

Padre Benito del Toro: It's not safe for you to be here.
Machete: I'm not looking for "safe".
Padre Benito del Toro: No, I mean it's not safe for *me* for *you* to be here!
 [Padre quickly blesses Machete]
Padre Benito del Toro: I absolve you of all your sins. Now, get the f*** out!

Machete (Danny Trejo) is a one bad@$$ Mexican Federale.  He goes into a nest of bad guys to rescue a girl kidnapped by Torres (Steven Segal) a drug lord.  At first, you assume he is stupid, cause he has brought a knife to a gun fight.  And while it is a darn big knife, well, dang.  But he quickly shows us how he got the name Machete.  But the naked girl he rescues (Mayra Leal) is a real Delilah, stabbing him with the same Machete he used to rescue her.  Torres is upset with Machete for not joining in his little drug cartel, or at least not looking the other way.  Torres leaves him in the building, after setting it on fire with a flame thrower.

Three years later....  Machete is in America, in Austin Texas, where he is working as a day laborer.  He eats at a taco truck run by Luz (Michelle Rodriguez), who is suspected of being the guiding force behind "The Network" an organization dedicated to helping illegal immigrants.  Luz is under close observation by I.C.E agent Sartana (Jessica Alba).  Machete is picked up by Booth (Jeff Fahey) who hires him to shoot  Senator  McLaughlin (Robert Deniro).  The Senator is a radical anti-illegal immigrant candidate, and even though he is behind in the polls, it would appear there are forces taking no chances.

But when Machete is in place, he spots another shooter (Shea Whigham) who shoots Machete in the head, and then shoots the Senator in the leg.  Now Machete is the fall guy.  But it will take more than a bullet to the head to stop Machete, and he is off and running.  He has been used, and betrayed, and someone will pay, because they just f***ed with the wrong Mexican.

Will you enjoy this movie?  Well, here is a litmus test; if you like a movie where the hero disembowels an assassin and uses his intestines as a bungee cord to swing Batman style out the (closed) window, and into the (closed) window on the floor below, then yes, you will love it.  This is one of those, ‘there are two kinds of people in the world' questions.  If you think that sounds sick, disgusting and revolting, then this movie is not for you.  But if you think that sounds sick, disgusting, revolting, and WAY COOL, then you are going to love this.

It is a movie with some meat; the plight of the immigrants crossing the border, exploited by coyotes, then hunted like game by the Vigilantes (led by Von Stillman (Don Johnson)).  Even the Senator joins in on a culling run.  The broken system of "La Immigra" is reviled as is the disdain for illegals from a state that needs illegal labor to run.  It makes some very nice points, especially about where the ultimate control lies.  But honestly most of the politics is lost, drowning in a sea of testosterone and machismo.  Watching a herd of Mexican's riding to war bouncing along in their weaponized cholos; the is pure Exploitation.  Mexploitation.  Heh.

It was truly delightful to see Danny Trejo in a starring role as well.  The scarred, big scary Mexican has been a staple of movies.  He is the first to die, so you know the situation is bad if it can kill him.  (Predators)  Now, he is the leading man, and he leads with his machete!

Also, with all that graphic violence, you have to have some sex, and that is where the nude scenes with Jessica Alba in the shower, and Lindsey Lohan stark naked come in.  (Lindsey is Booth's troubled little girl, April.)  Blessedly, Danny keeps his pants on.

Sex, violence, racial tension, political corruption, vigilantism, law enforcement, and the Roman Catholic Church, all rolled up into a big dang burrito of awesomeness.  Machete!  See it.

Coming soon.  Machete Kills! 


Later, Machete Kills Again!

I'm not joking.


Recommend this product? Yes


Movie Mood: Action Movie
Film Completeness: Looked complete to me.

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