Playing Doctor has never been this fun or controversial - just ask Midge and Alan - although with the deal they may have potentially cut with Dr. Barbie, neither one may be at liberty to speak.

You know in the past week I have noticed one missing link in the Happy Family chain - one player who has purposely tried to distance herself from the controversy. One key player who has tried to slip under the radar and maintain her place on the shelf as the others were pulled and tossed – seemingly smiling the whole time as if to say, “I’m not with them, it has all just been an unfortunate packaging mistake.” In other words, “I’m not with stupid!”

So, just who is this criminal mastermind - the one able to work others like puppets while she silently pushes her own agenda - who is the ultimate survivor in this whole scandal - simple it's Mattel's Happy Family Baby Doctor - she's one part Dr., one part geneticist, and two parts evil - she's like the Dr. Moreau of the doll world.

You know for years I have counted Barbie down and out – I always figured her dumb to be a doctor or a rocket scientist. After all, we’re talking about a woman whose sole goals in life until about the mid-80s were to get a tan, party it up and get her owners to buy her as many accessories as possible.

Now I know it was all just an act – that in fact she is the “brains” behind the plan to get plastic dolls to procreate so that Mattel will never run out of new dolls or products to sell. She had to find a way to keep her good name alive and on the tip of every young girls tongue.

I give this girl credit, despite the odds she was able to get her undergraduate degree from Captain Crunch U or the back of whatever cereal box it was that Ken left lying on the floor of the Dream Home. She then went on to Tijuana or some tropical island to get her medical training (she did after all have to maintain that deep dark Malibu tan while keeping up with her book learnin’). She then quietly slipped back into the country, hanging up her shingle and starting a small family practice in Malibu.

If you don’t think it’s true, take a look at her box – there are lots of items included, yet I see no pink and purple medical school degree, as this is one fact Dr. Barbie likes to gloss over. The only board certification Barbie has is on a surfboard.

So just who is Baby Doctor Barbie and just how does she fit into this little Happy Familypuzzle? It seems as if she is “best friends” with Midge and Alan. Please, best friends? I don’t know when they started calling it that, but this trio just seems like an episode of Jerry Springer about to get “too hot for TV.”

Seems Midge, Barbie and Alan have been friends forever – in dolls years I think that translates to when they were molded. Barbie is such a good friend of the happy couple that she is featured prominently in the Happy Family photo album (your free gift with purchase). She’s on the cover and in 3 out of the 5 photos in the album – either she is the most narcissistic doll I have ever met or there has to be some other connection. Are any of you that friendly with your “pediatrician”? In fact on the now defunct Barbie.com Happy Family web page Dr. Barbie was introduced as a member of the family – hmm isn’t there a problem with family members treating family members?

This whole Happy Family baby doctor thing has me very confused. From the time I first read about Dr. Barbie to now I still don’t know what kind of doctor she is. According to the box, or all three boxes to be exact, “ . . . Ryan (the son, 3 years old) likes to visit Baby doctor Barbie with me. . . . Today we are going to bring the baby to Dr. Barbie for her first check-up. She is our best friend. And that is how we became one happy and loving family.” HUH? Not on my block you don’t!

At first I thought if the boy likes to go to the doctor with Midge, Barbie must be the OB/GYN. That would make sense, the young teenage mother takes her child to the doctor with her because her baby’s daddy is unreliable and can’t watch his son. However, after purchasing the set I have come to realize that the dear old doctor is suppose to be a pediatrician – whah? The son likes going to the doctor – get this kid and voice box and some motion. Let Jr claw the car seat as you take him out of the van while he screams. “I don’t wanna go, I don’t wanna get a shot.”

And if Barbie is the pediatrician, why does Midge visit her so much when she is pregnant? Is it like one stop shopping? Do they have the worst HMO ever? I certainly don’t think they called her General Practitioner Barbie, and she really isn’t qualified to offer pre-natal care. Maybe I’m just missing how to convert the baby exam table into the pregnancy exam/delivery table. Maybe if I keep fooling with it I’ll find those little plastic stirrups.

If you ask me, I think Dr. Barbie had a lot more to do with helping Midge get pregnant and has a lot less to do with taking care of them after they born – that’s just a front. I mean let’s get honest – in their own words, they couldn’t have been a Happy Family without her.

Think for a moment – you all know about the men in the Barbie world, and I haven’t met one yet who is up to the task of fathering one, let alone two kids. Dr. Barbie also has two other babies in her care (a boy and a girl) with blank birth records waiting to be forged. It also seems as if there is enough room in her medical cabinet to house a small freezer, some pipettes and a turkey baster – with a well timed visit from Starving Student Stu or Depository Dan you could keep pumping out dolls forever and ever and no one would be the wiser. Hey maybe Dr. Barbie got Midge pulled from shelves because she was ready to blow the whistle.

Dr. Barbie comes with a lot of things, although I wish I had the set offered on Amazon.com – that’s a doctor that knows how to party! If you don’t believe me, just go look at the all the pictures. I may just have to get myself another set if I ever see her.

My Baby Doctor Barbie comes stylishly dressed (NOT) in pants, a doctor’s jacket and top – OK, at least it’s not a mini skirt and stilettos but I think there has to be a happy medium between the two. The fabric is just how can I put it nicely, what’s that word I’m looking for – oh, NASTY. It reminds me of the stuff my mom use to wear in the 70s – itchy and feeling like it has half can of starch in it.

The pants are purple and her “doctor’s” coat is a lovely busy pink number with white storks and presents all over it. Please – is she an Easter Egg or a doctor. She’s dressed more like she should be answering the phones, then actually treating the patients - have you ever met a Dr. that doesn’t wear a white coat? Her name is “embroidered” above her left breast (as if anyone else would ever wear that coat). I think it’s there so that during a hectic day she can look down and remember what her name is.

Dr. Barbie’s little secret is that under her coat and white sleeveless shirt she isn’t wearing a bra – I only know this because when you take off her coat and the light hits her, you can see right through the shirt – that’s not exactly professional.

And speaking of a professional way to dress, I much prefer Dr. Barbie on Amazon – that one has on pinkish purple satin pants, a satiny tank top and a white coat with Barbie on it (I guess she figured why put Dr. on it, people would just start laughing). Just slap on a pair of roller skates and she’s ready to go on a date right after work. I guess since she has all those medical school bills she hasn’t been able to update her wardrobe since the 80s. And can somebody please tell me in the 2nd picture is Dr. Barbie dancing or have some type of colon cramp.

My Baby Doctor Barbie is having a serious bad hair day. I think all those years of bleaching have finally caught up with her. The hair has this nasty wax feel to it – like she feel in a tub of ARTec textureshine hair wax and didn’t have time to shampoo it out (oops can you tell I made that mistake before?). Of course she needed that much product to get it to do that Carol Brady meets That Girl flip. And that style was last popular when? I’m actually afraid to let Claire brush her hair for fear that after all these years of bleaching it will break off and I’ll be left with Michael Chiklis Barbie.

As for the face, I’ve said it time and time before - makeup should match the skin tones and not the clothes. Makeup colors should be those found in nature and not on hardboiled eggs in late March or early April. If she would just get colorprinted we could stop having this discussion. I think Barbie’s biggest problem is that she has failed to learn how to take her day look into an evening look so she just says forget it and puts on her club face in the morning.

My Dr. Barbie comes with lots of fun accessories and an air of mystery as well. First off she has these two babies that apparently have no parents. They have blank birth records and all you know is ones a boy and ones a girl. The girl weighs 9lbs 1 oz and the boy weighs 7 lbs 9 oz the girl is 19” and the boy 21”. Hmm upon inspecting them they appear to be the exact same size – me thinks Dr. Barbie doesn’t know how to work a scale or tape measure.

The set is supposed to resemble her “office” yet she has two isolets - something I have never seen in a doctor’s office. The isolets rock or can be attached to the to top of the examining table – that doesn’t seem so sturdy. You can store all the stuff in the exam table (if your child doesn’t loose them first).

Barbie also comes with a medical chart – I go the short end of the stick on this one. My chart has scribbly lines as if Barbie tried to put pen to paper - the chart on Amazon has pictures - like Dr. Barbie can’t write and can only point to, “Mmmm, formula good, juice bad” or maybe the pictures are there to remind her what to look at during an exam.

Doc Barbie also comes with medical instruments – many of which I just can’t seem to place – and one that could possibly double as that baster. Barbie can use the instruments because they come with tiny sticks that fit through holes in her hand. One looks like an ear scope but the other two are up for grabs – I think one is a thermometer – which perhaps goes with tub of Vaseline – has she ever heard to Thermoscan? What’s more frightening is that the thermometer if bigger than the baby – has Mattel ever heard of a thing called scale? If I saw that coming at me I’d get better and fast. The other one looks like a giant spoon – and what procedure is that used for? Again, it is bigger than baby, as is the tongue depressor.

You know, as a mom I truly see no need for this set – as someone who likes to write is it another story. My girls did just fine not having a Doctor Barbie - they played with Immaculate Conception Midge and Arm Candy Alan just fine without ever getting Barbie involved. As well rounded girls they don’t need Mattel to show them that girls can be doctors – please, that’s my job and I think I’ve done a fine job telling them they can be whatever they want to be. If they needed a Doctor they grabbed a white tissue and fashioned a coat for whoever happened to be handy – sometimes it was Ken, other times Barbie and once I believe it was a Smurf.

If Mattel wants to set some good examples for girls why not go the distance and have Nurse Ken or Truck Driver Theresa, or are those realities too scary for the same group of folks who got these dolls pulled from stores?

As for the good Doctor and myself, we can agree to disagree. I don’t happen to think the Happy Family set would be incomplete without her – especially after forking out 40 bucks for the mom and dad. Although the way Mattel inserts her into photos and the story I’m sure your child might feel the set lacked some oomph if you didn’t get her.

As an avid Barbie conspiracy theorist, I think this doll is a much-needed member of my collection – she seems to provide much needed answers as to why Midge was so scandalous and why she got banned – also, with the recent addition of pole dancer Barbie to my collection I think it might be wise to have a doctor on staff - it will save me a lot of bills in the long run.


Recommended: Yes

Amount Paid (US$): 16.99
Type of Toy: Educational
Age Range of Child: 9 Years or Older