Barbie says, "Giving birth is glamorous!"
Written: Dec 11 '02 (Updated Jan 02 '03)
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Pros: you get a doll and a baby and hours of laughs
Cons: everything - stupid concept and just a dumb idea
The Bottom Line: In Barbie's world giving birth glamorous - wasn't your delivery and recovery just like hers. This is a ridiculous toy and concept.
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| ned1's Full Review: Mattel Happy Family Midge and Baby |
Barbie's been a Nascar Driver, train hostess and McDonald's Drive Thru Worker - why shouldn't she aim higher and become a pregnant teen bride and mother of two? Well at least on the upside, Midge is married. With it's newest release, Happy Family Midge and Baby, Mattel is just a six-pack, a divorce and another baby short of my dream doll - Trailer Trash Barbie.
Yes, just in time for the holiday 2002 season you can have a Barbie that gives birth (or a less than realistic recreation of giving birth that might scar any small child). If you get the whole set - Midge and Baby , Alan and Ryan and Pediatrician Barbie you can have a Barbie homebirth X-mas - start boiling the water now and have the clean towels ready.
Hey wait a minute, we're missing some key players - we either need OB/GYN Ken or Midwife Theresa to complete the set and aid in a safe delivery. Possibly also along for the ride should be Anesthesiologist Steven because if any of you believe Barbie would go Lamaze you're nuts.
Actually we need to back up and start from the beginning - while I say Barbie, the name of the doll is Midge and she is your typical Barbie doll, big boobs, slim waist and almost no hips. What I find comical about the doll - well one of many things, is that she looks younger than Teen Skipper (I made a side by side comparison) and she is about to become the mother of two.
Midge is married to Alan (sold separately), hmm maybe this "Happy" couple isn't so happy. Apparently he has custody of their firstborn Ryan (age three). Perhaps Midge kicked his sorry plastic butt to the curb. Maybe after all intense emotions associated with a shotgun wedding Midge's head cleared, she wised up and dumped the loafer.
In the Happy Family story on the back of the box it talks about their wedding, the birth of Ryan and how Ryan likes to go to the doctor with Midge (shouldn't dad be going as well?). The box mentions nothing of Alan's career or how he supports his wife and two children.
Maybe Alan's sold separately because he's been out carousing too much with his plastic work buddies, visiting Barbie at her place of employment (and spending his earnings one dollar at a time), or not dealing very well with being the teen father or two kids.
Maybe Midge is upset because when she is with child she is so fat that Alan can't hug her (that's true - with belly on his arms won't reach around Midge). Maybe Midge is upset because her teen husband could only afford a simple silver wedding band that looks like her got it out of the quarter machine at the market. If you choose not believe those theories, you may purchase the entire Happy Family for 40 bucks.
So anyways Midge is married and with child - due to the magnetic removable belly - if you’d like to start the story from the beginning you can make your own EPT Barbie - have her holding the stick in the bathroom as she screams "Oh my God, Oh my God, this can't be happening." Too bad you can't change the expression on her face or make her cry. Then if you're lucky enough to have a talking Barbie, like me, you can alter the voice to chip to have her say, "I think that's a plus sign" or "Alan, I missed my period."
Basically Happy Family Midge goes from month one to month nine in all of 15 seconds - as if real pregnancy is that easy. Just place the baby girl (to be named by your child) in the belly, attach the belly via magnets to Midge's stomach and you’re ready for the miracle of birth.
Now, since Mattel has done such an accurate job portraying pregnancy and birth, let me cover all the dolls they failed to put out - and some accessories that should be included. We've already covered the lack of an EPT stick, but let’s just toss out more potential name for that doll - Pregnancy Stick Surprise Barbie.
Morning Sickness Barbie - yep, no toilet included! Wouldn't it be fun to watch her or just imagine her hunched over the john all day - Mattel could include some items that usually set pregnant women off (toothpaste, other people's cooking and elevator rides always set me off). If crafty you could make your own toilet out of the empty box.
Swollen/Sore Boob Barbie - here's one time I don't feel sorry Barbie - knowing that those enormous melons will get bigger and cause intense back pain just makes me smile. To make this more realistic they should have done her like my old Growing Up Skipper Doll - just swing the left arm backwards and watch those boobs get big and sore.
Sagging Boob Barbie After giving birth and possibly nursing you can only imagine what would happen to Barbie. Of course a quick trip to her plastic surgeon will make it all better.
Elephant Ankle Barbie - Yes, where are Midge’s swollen ankles – in fact right up until the minute she gives birth, Midge is wearing wedge jellies with no backs. Didn’t all of you wear three-inch heels right up until the time you gave birth? If she is wearing those shoes then it leads the next doll
Varicose Vein Barbie - please any pregnant woman wearing heels is just asking for them – all Mattel needs to do is enclose a purple, green and black magic marker.
Stretch Mark Barbie - come on you’re telling me that someone with a body as tight as that doesn’t gain all that weight and not get stretch marks? Please I only gained 20 pounds each time and I got them. You can make your own using a glittery type marker. See how hot she looks in a bikini after that.
Step on the Scale and Blood Test Barbie - here’s one I’d like to see, but they don’t include the scale. I’d love to see Midge berated each month as she steps on the scale and is lectured by Nursing Assistant Barbie and then OB/GYN Ken about gaining too much weight and how she needs to cut back on the fudge covered Oreos. Just when she’s done with the scale, you can send her to the chair to get blood drawn again from the one good vein she has.
Acne Barbie - need I say more?
Unexplained Mood Swing Barbie - just give her a recordable voice box and think of all the fun phrases you could add when Barbie goes from happy to b!tch in 5 seconds “I look fat” “Look what you did to me” “Why do you get to go out with your friends when I have to sit home looking like this!”
Braxton-Hicks Barbie - because she’s not smart enough to tell false from real labor. That set could include an extra OB/GYN Ken with a sour look upon his face from being dragged to the hospital for the umpteenth time to monitor Midge’s false labor.
Intern Delivery Barbie - If you, like me, have ever suffered through an OG/GYN intern rotation delivery you’d understand why Midge should suffer the same fate. You can make this set yourself by making stirrups and dressing all your extra Barbie and Ken dolls in white jackets and allowing them to each repeatedly exam Midge and ask her ridiculous questions.
Emsis Basin Barbie For those you who have uttered those famous words while giving birth, “I’m gonna be sick” you’ll appreciate the need for this doll. I still recall the nice nurse during my long and painful 36 hour without medication first delivery (that took me five years to get over) who told me I wasn’t going to puke and that I need to breathe – her shoes found out quickly that I needed an emsis basin.
And last but not least
Preparation-H Barbie (we all know how much Mattel enjoys other product tie-ins). Yep, my Midge didn’t come with Tucks, Preparation-H or even a sitz bath. Seems she delivered without any ill side effects – like that happens, they didn’t even include the plastic donut.
and after giving birth how about
Lactation Barbie aka Got Milk Barbie - nothing says proud mother and returning valued employee more than a doll that lactates during a big business meeting and doesn’t realize it until after she’s taken off her blazer.
So now that we’ve covered all the potential Barbie dolls and money Mattel could make, let’s focus on Midge and what’s wrong with her.
Let’s see, she’s got the figure of a typical Barbie doll and even when you attach the belly she still has a waist, slim hips and slender thighs (and this is her second baby) – that’s a good message to send to girls, pregnancy doesn’t affect your body and you’ll be a size 0 soon after giving birth.
Strip her down and you find she is wearing white bikini panties - where are the jumbo granny maternity panties? She also has no bra on – yep, someone with boobs that big isn’t wearing a steel reinforced maternity/nursing bra. Let’s see what those puppies look like in a few years. Who’s laughing now?
Those jellies – nothing says slip and fall more than a very pregnant woman wearing high heel sandals with no back that are made out of plastic – of course being pregnant is all about looking good.
Like I mentioned before, this has to be one of the youngest looking Barbie dolls we own – not quite a positive message to give to young girls – add a few years to her face. She is a pretty doll with strawberry blonde hair down to her butt (I hope that starts falling out with the shift in hormones). She also has a perfect makeup job so she looks wonderful after giving birth.
So how does Midge get pregnant and give birth. I blame Mattel, if they hadn’t brought back the Barbie VW Microbus (aka the Cheech and Chong mobile) these two teens wouldn’t have the room or opportunity, that Barbie Beetle is way to small for making out and other activities.
To knock Midge up, you simply attach the hard plastic belly with magnets, so here’s your first instructional warning, “This product contains magnets. Do not use around items that are sensitive to or affected by magnetic fields.” The belly is easy enough to attach, they continue her white bikini panties on the bottom of the belly so you know which way is up. It would have been funny on their part to draw the panties on the belly up to the naval, which by the way is still any inny in her 9th month. I don’t’ truly like the fact that the belly detaches because it’s just another piece to get lost.
The baby only fits one way into the belly – no breech birth or baby coming out sunny side up (hence no need to include forceps). My five year old could not get the baby in the belly by herself despite having the instructions right in front of her (which are done with words and pictures) – so this is a potential headache if Midge were to give birth more than once a day.
To “give birth” you lift the belly off Midge and pull out the baby and darn she must have awesome surgeon because there’s no scar! Now I know this doll can’t be realistic in terms of giving birth, but I happen to think given to the wrong child, one too young or one who can’t grasp the concept that real birth isn’t like this, it could be very scary. If Mommy is pregnant like Midge, imagine what the child must think happens when you give birth – even if you explain your belly won’t pop off like that, some kids may freak out and fear for your safety.
Midge would have been a lot more fun if she came with kung fu grip and a voice box. I’d like to see her grab Alan by the shirt collar or neck as she screams “You did this to me” “You’ll NEVER touch me again” “Get it out for the love of God get it out NOW.”
So what else do you get for your $19.99 – besides hours of laughs. You get Midge, belly and baby. A crib that converts to a changing table and is about as easy to assemble as the real one. Plus a selection of baby and child care items that could easily choke a younger sibling and that are not really suitable for the ages 3 and up warning – maybe 6 and up. I know my five year old would lose them all the first day (or no later than the 2nd).
So Nancy, what do you think? Hmmm, as far as I'm concerned, this is just dumb, overpriced and nonsensical – if you want a pregnant Barbie do what we did back in the 70s, stick a tissue up her blouse or shove baby Chrissy up there and pull her out. As a teaching tool this makes no sense, being that birth and pregnancy are so accurately portrayed. I just see no purpose for it other than (drum roll please) the Pass the Pregnant Barbie Write-Off which is now and will be accepting participants up until April of 2003. Read my profile page for details and e-mail me if you want to join the fun.
Thanks to all who stuck with this long Epinion and read the whole thing – your patience with my annoyance with this product is appreciated.
Recommended:
No
Amount Paid (US$): 19.99
Type of Toy: Other
Age Range of Child: 9 Years or Older
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Epinions.com ID:
ned1
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Member: Nancy
Location: in the Barbie aisle
Reviews written: 895
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