The real reason the Third Reich fell
Written: Aug 06 '02 (Updated Aug 06 '02)
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Product Rating:
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Pros: Recyclable aluminum cans, convenient colors make target practice easy
Cons: Some people think that this is a great beer
The Bottom Line: This is a drink for those wanting something wet but not willing to pay for two liters of water.
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| LaFeet's Full Review: Meister Brau |
If Joann Gutenberg had drank this beer in the 1400’s we would never have gotten the printing press. I imagine he would have killed himself by trying to remove the foul bitterness from his tongue.
In my continuing saga of bad beer reviews, I find myself recalling my father’s short lived infatuation with Meister Brau. We were to go out into the Gulf of Mexico for a bit of deep sea fishing. Everyone was to participate in a ritual of “woofing” a shot and then chasing it with a beer. With only a few dollars left in his pocket, Dad chose to grab a case of Meister Brau instead of writing a check for some other brew.
We had just caught our first mackerel when Dad suggested a ritual was in need of being performed. He led the way with the shot, and then took a huge drink from the beer……only to spew the beer over the side, as well as the rest of his breakfast. I was a bit too young for the “legal” drinking of beer during those days, so I had to wait and try Meister Brau at a later date. Besides, the remaining cans were used for target practice (with the fluid still inside) the following day.
Meister Brau has an aura surrounding the can that should provide you some sense of doom. The small hairs on the back of my neck stand at attention whenever I get within thirty feet of a can. Thank goodness you don’t see kegs of this stuff.
The can and the name are VERY MISLEADING, somewhat like Freddie Kruger stating that you can trust him. The false sense of hope lies in the projected perception that this beer has a German heritage. Ok, I guess all beers have a German heritage, sort of saying that all people are related to Eve.
In times past there was a Geman holding a stein on the can. Now there are two steins, again a misleading ploy. The Happy gentleman on the can is probably Michael from the “Halloween” movies with lederhosen and a feathered cap on. The white can background suggest the German Purity Standards that are imposed on their finely crafted brews. Trick me once, shame on you. Trick me twice, shame on me!
The can has an easy opening pop top, and I have found this as the best feature of this product. Opening the beer releases a stifling waft of smells. Even at 40 degrees, this beer smells like it was left out in the heat all day. It’s really difficult describing how this beer smells without being crude, rude and downright obscene. The smell is very much like the downwind odors that are carried away from the water treatment plant that has been backed up for a while. Just the memory of that smell causes a squeamish sensation in my body. This is the beer that Bud used as a base for their “skunky” beer campaign.
The taste is even harder to describe, safely. As many of you know, there is a close relationship between smell and taste. The majority of your taste sensations are generated by you olfactory system. So, think back……those of you that have had a bad case of athlete’s foot. Recall how that fungus generated a foul smell…. well, that is what Meister Brau tastes like. Akin to drinking champagne from a woman’s slipper. Specifically, a woman that has not washed her feet since the sixties. Yech !!!! As a kid I managed to obtain and mix some sake and apple cider. That is about how bad this taste, and yes, I puked!
There is no body of sensation associated with this drink that even suggest that it is a beer. It does produce a white, frothy head. But the head ides almost as fast as it forms. The color is a pale yellow with almost a burnt orange hint to it. This beer is not even nice to look at.
I would like to point out some endearing qualities of this brew, such as hop scents or grain and malt flavors. But this can of fluid has none of those characteristics.
I can not imagine any foods that this would taste good with. Perhaps some rat poison or ammonia nitrate. But nothing that I would ask a dying man to consume.
Recommended:
No
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Epinions.com ID:
LaFeet
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Member: Paule Patterson
Location: Cushing, Ok
Reviews written: 314
Trusted by: 36 members
About Me:
Retired Submariner, ex Air-Force Brat, current radiation protection tech, hiding in urban Oklahoma
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