Staceys1's Full Review: Devra Renner, Aviva Pflock, Julie Bort - Mommy Gui...
The book Mommy Guilt by Julie Bort, Aviva Pflock and Devra Renner (ISBN: 0814408702) was recommended to me by a friend. The front cover states: "Learn to Worry Less, Focus on What Matters Most, and Raise Happier Kids." Sounded good to me!
I wanted to like this book. No, I wanted to love this book. I wanted it to show me the path to a more peaceful and better family life. While I liked the book and did get some useful information from it, I am not sure I completely agreed with all that it said and often found myself replying to passages in the book with sentiments of "Yeah, right!" or "Sorry, ladies, but this is real life."
The authors of Mommy Guilt include a social worker, a journalist with expertise in survey research and certified parent education and child-development specialist. Most importantly, they are all mothers of at least two children each so they are experienced with the stresses of mommy-hood and I guess that these three ladies have it all pulled together a lot better than I ever will.
I began this review a few months ago and was not sure that I had given this book a fair shot during my first reading. I decided to give the book a second chance and try to read it at a calmer pace than I had the first time, when I squeezed in a chapter here or a few pages there between work, soccer practices, waiting for my children to be dismissed from school and all of the other things that pulled me in a hundred different directions each day.
I am glad that I did re-read this book, which has about 260 pages. I still do not agree with every single word it contains, but the second reading gave me some ideas that I could adapt for my own family's sanity.
Mommy Guilt is broken down into eighteen chapters, separated into three parts, Introducing Mommy Guilt, The Stuff of Guilt and Building on Your Mommy Guilt-Free Foundation, plus four appendicies. The writing is clear and easy to understand with no complicated terminology used. In preparing this book, the authors surveyed over 1,300 parents and the comments made on those surveys are included in the book.
Throughout the book, seven main principles of the guilt-free life are referenced throughout the book in one form or another:
1. You must be willing to let some things go.
2. Parenting is not a competitive sport.
3. Look toward the future and at the big picture. Don't become overly hung up on the here and now.
4. Learn when and how to live in the moment.
5. Get used to saying yes more often and being able to defend your no.
6. Laugh a lot, especially with your children.
7. Make sure you set aside specific time to have fun as a family.
These all make sense to me, and by implementing at least some of them some of the time, mothers will be able to let go of some of the guilt they carry around.
Each chapter focuses on the guilt that stems from different areas of our lives and the book sets out the reasons behind the guilt and how to begin to let go of it. Within each chapter, in italicized text, are related paragraphs which survey respondents' provided. There are also gray boxes which highlight tips on how to better deal with the issue in that chapter.
Moms (and dads, too!) often feel that they are not doing enough for their children in one or more aspect of their daily lives, and Mommy Guilt helps put those issues into perspective. Whether you are a "Guilty Gourmet" (Chapter 9) or have "School-Yard Guilt" (chapter 12), this book gives ideas on how to deal with it.
For example, if you have had a hectic day and everybody arrives home at dinnertime clamoring for food, which has yet to be prepared, the authors suggest to first implement Principle #4 and live in the moment. Before rushing to begin dinner, spend a few minutes with your children discussing their day, which provides them with the attention they crave. After everyone is calm and relaxed, dinner will be easier to prepare. While I am not able to do this all of the time (due to having to rush out of the house soon thereafter to yet another game or practice), allowing everyone a little bit of "togetherness" time does make for a more peaceful evening. Before reading this book, while everyone was still riled up from the day, I would just rush the children off to do homework while I immediately would begin dinner,causing me guilt that I was only half-heartedly looking at the schoolwork that my children were showing me. This is the type of simple, yet easily implemented guilt-free idea that this book contains.
In Appendix A, you too can take the "Mommy Guilt Survey" and compare your answers to those that were submitted to the authors. Appendix B is entitled "Food Staples To Keep in Your House" and lists different foods which you should always keep on hand either in the cabinet or the refrigerator. Which foods freeze well and easy examples of marinades and glazes are also included, so that you can always be prepared to make a quick meal.
Appendix C is the "Emergency Guilt-Relief Guide" and is a ten-page chart which gives a quick tip for a variety of issues from talking back to a picky eater to sibling fights, and more. The Mommy-Guilt principle employed is listed by number, as well as the chapter in the book which further discusses the issue for further reference. This is followed by Appendix D, which lists "Additional Reading" sources and finally, an index so if you want to look up a specific issue, it is easy to find.
I have read this book through twice, and it contains a tremendous amount of information on many aspects of parenting. Even after my second time through, I am sure I have not retained everything I need from this book, and I have often used Appendix C and the index to get information on a specific issue.
All of the ideas in the Mommy Guilt book will not work for everybody all of the time, however, if the seven principles of the guilt-free life are remembered, there could be happier households all over.
The authors encourage parents to let go of unobtainable--and ill-advised--goals in favor of parenting philosophies that concentrate on the whole famil...More at Buy.com Marketplaces
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