This way to 48oz of Heaven...
Written: Jul 19 '00
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Product Rating:
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Pros: Fantastic cuts of meat
Cons: Pricey
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| Jonathan's Full Review: Morton's of Chicago |
Morton's is a Chain Restaurant. You wouldn't know it at first, but it is. But it's a trendy chain restaurant - the sort of ritzy, smoky establishment that whispers slyly, "I am not a Chain Restaurant..." As if to make up for this fact, the prices at Morton's are outrageous. But charge what they may, it is worth it. Because Morton's has captured the Essence of Meat.
Ambience
Wood paneling, dark, smoky - very heavy. Danish furniture? Methinks not - it would be burned on site. Candles on every table send skittish shadows flickering all about the walls. Charming, really. This is an expensive place, and you'll have your average overweight power broker types pondering weighty issues mightily in their booths. And so to dine.
The Menu
If you were hoping for menu cards, think again. The waiters here perform a delicate interpretive dance on the subject of bloody rare steak. Well, actually they roll out a cart on which are the evening's courses - various cuts of steak (described below), a barely live lobster which appears to be in the final stage of clinical depression, and some token vegetation in case you've brought your pet goat with you. What you will want to focus on here are the cuts of meat. Listen carefully as your waiters talk lovingly of them, take notes if you must. If you intend to order ribs you shall have to notify the waiter at this point so that they may be reserved.
Appetizers on the whole are decent, but the sauteed wild mushrooms are delicious. I also recommend the jumbo shrimp and bluepoint oysters to tease your pallet. Do not make the novice's error of filling yourself at this point - keep your eyes on the prize.
Entrees are fairly standard - double filet mignon in sauce Béarnaise, porterhouses, New York strips, ribeye & cajun ribeyes, sicilian veal, farm raised salmon - class these under "victuals for lesser mortals". What you want to try is the 48oz steak. No your eyes do not deceive you - that would be three pounds of America's finest. 1.36 kilos of marbled sumptuous mouth watering meat. I did espy this cut of beef, and I rather fancy it looked back at me. It was love at first site - we were meant to be, those 48oz and I.
You may order some token vegetation at this point (pets goats and all). A baked potato here, some asparagus in hollandaise sauce there. But take this time to focus on the Arrival of the Meat - make idle chatter so as not to put off your dinner partner entirely. And so to wait.
The Meat
What else to say? Otherworldly. Touch the steak ever so lightly with your steak knife and marvel as a thick slice peels away and falls gently to your plate. Never did you know tenderness such as this. In another age this would be art.
But I pontificate - 48oz do await.
You may float in and out of consciousness as I did, lazily watching the candles burn all the way through their heavy wicks. Wondering if life is worth living after steak such as this. Wondering how life was worth living before steak such as this.
It is worth noting at this point that Morton's is about Meat. That is to say if you start to feel full, jettison the herbs at once and focus on the steak. Give it your full and undivided attention. Should you begin to tire, a sip of merlot will do to stimulate the pallet and stiffen your resolve. Keep at it. As Winston Churchill said, "Never give in, never give in, never, never, never, never." Preliminary evidence suggests that he may not have been talking about meat. In any case the sentiment remains - do not rest until the last ounce is gone. You will thank yourself for your persistence... as soon as you arise from your meat coma two days hence.
The Dessert
There are the usual chocolate affairs here, though I highly suggest the hot Godiva cake. Should you crave something lighter at this point, try the fresh seasonal berries in sabayon sauce. But really, you've passed the Point of No Return - why bother with a lousy bowl of mixed fruit in some unpronounceable goop? Simplify. Everyone can pronounce "New York Cheesecake", and Morton's does not disappoint here either.
The Aftermath
Cancel the after-dinner appointments. Your eyes by this point will be heavy-lidded; vision blurred, speech slurred, and gait rather uneven. This isn't because you've just settled a dinner tab twice the National Debt of Bolivia. It's because your body is wondering what the hell just hit it. But these are earthly, practical concerns. Go home - rejoice in the fact that for a few blissful hours you were one with 48oz of heaven. And so to bed.
Recommended:
Yes
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Epinions.com ID:
Jonathan
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Member: jonathan Kibera
Location: San Francisco, CA, USA
Reviews written: 30
Trusted by: 233 members
About Me:
Former competitive rutabaga farmer (champion).
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