jenb123's Full Review: Michael Baisden - Never Satisfied: How & Why Men C...
This is a Very Sordid Book Review.
The contents will likely be offensive.
You have been warned!
For my submission to the Very Sordid Write-off, I have selected a book that appropriately uses the word sordid in the very second sentence of chapter one. If only the book was half as interesting as, say, the profile page of our own Sordid-1.
The sordid world of infidelity, on the next Jerry Springer...
I admit it, I've watched daytime talk shows where wives and girlfriends learn that they are being cheated on. It is always the same, the man lies and swears that the polygraph test he failed was wrong. Or he tells his wife that she isn't doing enough to please him, so he has to get it elsewhere.
Sometimes the balding, beer-bellied cheater justifies his infidelity by saying that his wife "let herself go" because she's gained a few pounds and doesn't wear high heels and leather miniskirts while caring for their 4 children.
Undoubtedly, the men will high-five each other, as if infidelity was no big deal. The women are then scolded for "allowing" the behavior and told to "just leave" (as producers book her to return for a future show about welfare and homelessness).
I selected Never Satisfied: How & Why Men Cheat by Michael Baisden to learn the sordid truth about male infidelity. In looking at what the "critics" were saying about the book, I was expecting a "book that reveals all sides of the infidelity drama."
The book was being billed as frank, honest and realistic accounts of cheating from the perspectives of the cheater, the cheated and the "other woman." I wanted some insight to understand why marriages and relationships fail. Surely the book would be better than a Jenny Jones show.
Red flag number one...
I should have known that Never Satisfied: How & Why Men Cheat would not be as realistic and honest as I expected when the book features the following quote on the back cover:
"Men are not intelligent when it comes to cheating, but they're wise enough to choose a woman who will put up with it." -Michael Baisden (author)
Though this is not a boring book filled with pointless psycho babble, it certainly does not portray women in a fair or believable way. While Baisden repeatedly shuns cheaters and claims to be a "good man," I failed to see anything new or informative in the book.
To be honest, it seemed as though the cheating men were being portrayed as normal and DRIVEN to cheat. Their mate lets them do it. They were raised that way. It's their nature.
Had this been a book about female infidelity, would women be justified in cheating because the insurance wasn't covering Viagra and for that reason, their husbands forced them to cheat? Maybe their mothers cheated, and therefore they knew no better?
No way! The woman would be called a slut, there would be no book. A magazine article, maybe, but no book. Surely a woman who is cheating is entirely at fault whereas a man has to cheat because of women.
Cover to cover
Though I didn't pick up on the true tone of the book before reading it, it didn't take me long to realize that this was a book of men confessing how they have cheated and gotten away with it. There was no remorse, little mention of the consequences and basically said little more than "men can be dogs, mistresses are skeezers and wives are blind."
Chapter One- Tricks of the Trade is broken down into four sections:
The Hunt
Call Me
The Escape
Night Court
This is where we hear about the other woman as the "seductress" or the always available "booty call" bimbo.
Not all men just lay down with any willing woman, some are choosy. They want loyalty, not a woman who will run the streets. She must be on call and ready to ahem come and go whenever the cheating man wants to get some.
"Respect and consideration for his wife or girlfriend is absolutely necessary if the relationship has any chances at longevity."
Ah yes, sleeping with someone else's husband is the highest form of respect. What an honest and informative book!
We then learn about the other tricks of the trade. The pagers, call forwarding, the slick excuses and graceful escapes.
The cheater, after all, has his needs. His wife or girlfriend is an obstacle that can be overcome easily, though sometimes there is some "night court" held by a warden in curlers (or a sexy pink turban and face mask like our own Sordid-1 himself.)
Chapter Two- Creating a Monster also is divided into four sections:
It Starts At Home
No More Mr. Nice Guy
Nothin' But The Dog In Me
Everything I Miss At Home
Once again we hear about the poor cheater who grew up and followed his father's example. Or had a mother who got around. Or maybe the woman being cheated on watched her mother being cheated on and therefore accepts her own mate's expected escapades.
We DO hear about the poor man who was once a perfect mate until some woman jilted him and hurt him. Naturally he's now earned the right to be a dog.
Maybe the poor slob's wife doesn't have the time to cook, clean, have kids, work and still have a model figure and have sex each night using a trapeze and techniques I can't get past the Epinions content filters.
Boo-freaking-hoo.
Chapter Three- Three to Tango only has three sections:
Vamp, Tramp, Traitor
Pay to Play
Wake Up!
I must admit, I liked some of this chapter if only because the cheating men being "profiled" finally get their just desserts. Of course, the woman is still to blame, but at least the poor judgement of the man finally is mentioned...briefly.
There are a few sympathetic portrayals of the wives and girlfriends who have been cheated on, a few of these women are even shown as strong. But they still allowed the cheating, of course...
The 'Afterword'...
Rest assured, Michael Baisden is no cheater. Nope. Not anymore. The author of Never Satisfied is not a D-O-G. He even says so, that means it has to be true:
"As for me, I have grown weary of the cheating game. It is an emotionally draining and non-productive indulgence which requires constant lying and more lying. Multiple lies creates stress, stress affects clear thinking, and the lack of clear thinking impairs creativity."
Those poor, stressed cheaters. No longer creative and so very tense. Boo-freaking-hoo.
Women, however, get little sympathy. No matter what the circumstances, the wife allowed the cheating. The mistress is the skank,also at fault.
To stop the infidelity cycle, the wife must demand to be treated well. Sure. And how, pray tell, can this be done? Short of pulling a Lorena Bobbit, how does a woman demand the respect the poor weak men can't give them?
Ladies, maybe Baisden is single, he sounds like a great catch...
"I'm sick and tired of living with the guilty feelings of breaking hearts and causing tears to be shed. There comes a time in every man's life when he must stop making empty promises just to take advantage of women. That time for me is now."
Excuse me while I blow chunks.
Okay, I'm done hurling...
...and I just gargled some Listerine. I'm better now.
I will admit that Never Satisfied is not a boring read. There are many sordid details of the sexcapades these men are forced into. Gosh, I hope they aren't too stressed out.
If I were single and accepted this book as a self-help manual, I would be a guest on Jerry Springer in no time. It is far from a book of explanations and is mainly a book of excuses.
These are excuses that we see on TV, read about in trashy romance novels and watch is movies. True, there is no lame attempt to psychoanalyze cheaters, wives and mistresses, not that scientific data on infidelity would save relationships anyway...This is a book of anecdotes. Many, many sordid stories.
Many of the stories take place in Chicago. I happen to live in the area. Though I am a suburbanite, I am married and have no real experience with infidelity, the terminology and situations were hard to relate to.
Many of the cliches and desirable physical attributes being discussed were unfamiliar territory to a white girl from the suburbs.
I'll never have lips like Sade or hair like Toni Braxton. I was clueless about the clubbing, the references to watching BET show "butt slapping, titty-grabbing and dissing of women..." and about how to "put my foot in some collard greens."
Perhaps my ignorance about these things put me at a disadvantage and therefore I couldn't appreciate the book...But I doubt it.
Summing up this sordid selection...
If you are a woman who suspects infidelity, skip this book. Call Cheaters or something, but do NOT attempt to use this book to explain it.
All Never Satisfied can do is make a lame attempt to justify cheating and make the women, both the victims and the mistresses, take the blame.
If you are hoping to gain insight into how men view relationships, you may learn a thing or two, but won't be able to use this knowledge for much more than a night of male-bashing with the girls.
If you want a blow-by-blow account of "booty calls," lust, lies and anger, Never Satisfied delivers. If you want to know something new about how and why men cheat try daytime talk shows. Same situations, but with fun extras like hillbillies who date midget KKK members on crack, regular fist-fights, bleeps and paternity tests.
Wait...some of the book's anecdotes are sounding an awful lot like episodes of Ricki Lake...or was it Maury.
(Just please NO Oprah and Dr. Phil!)
Don't forget to read the other reviews in this Very Sordid W/O, some more sordid than others. Other participants include:
How and why men cheat. Reveals everyone s part in the game: the tolerant wife or girlfriend, the despicable other woman, and of course the conniving c...More at Buy.com Marketplaces
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