That wasn't a layover, that was a hostage situation!
Written: Jul 18 '08 (Updated Jul 20 '08)
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Product Rating:
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Pros: I did eventually get to leave
Cons: Dirty, smelly, long lines, rude employees, bad signage, expensive and limited food choices
The Bottom Line: Well, if you're flying Continental you probably don't have a choice. Just bring hand sanitizer and extra food.
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| lucidlemur's Full Review: Newark International Airport |
I was sitting here planning a trip from Oregon to Massachusetts, and sighed when I saw that the lowest fare was on Continental. That meant my layover would be in Newark, which is Continental's hub. Then a thought occurred to me and I sat up straight: I could review the Newark Airport on Epinions!
The trip
After our wedding, my husband and I went back east to visit his family. Unfortunately, the only flight that worked out had a layover in Newark. I just looked back at our itinerary and saw that the layover was from 5:46 to 9:30 AM. Four hours? It seemed more like four days! (Maybe I'm combining it in my mind with the layover on the return trip; this was almost a year ago, after all.)
Now, I'm not a frequent flier, but I'm quite familiar with Portland, Logan, Bradley, all three DC airports, and at least four more in California. Those are the ones I fly into and out of. I don't even remember any of the ones I've had layovers in. Except Newark.
Now approaching Newark
The flight in arrived on time, which means it was dark when we got off the plane. We had to go to a different terminal, and there was no sign to show us how to get to it. After asking the Continental staff (no airport employees in sight) we made our way to a small, dismal room with a big-haired gum-popping airline employee who responded to our inquiries with, "Yeah, sit down," and a vague point at some seats. Eventually enough people arrived that they herded us all down some revolting concrete stairs and into a bus to drive us across the tarmac. We got off the bus, went up another flight of disgusting stairs (I wonder what you do if you're in a wheelchair?) and popped out into a terminal.
Adventures in airport security
Rather dazed at this point, we noticed the sign for our gate number and walked toward it. Suddenly, however, we were outside the terminal and in the main airport lobby. We would have to go through security again! Now, we're both reasonably intelligent people, so you might ask how this possibly happened. After we got back into our terminal, I looked at the signs again and saw that there were actually two lanes of travel going in the same direction. The terminal sign only applied to one of them, and there was no signage on the other. Granted, there was some construction going on, so I'm sure they've fixed this by now, but in September 2007 it was as if they were trying to trick people.
Of course, at this point we had over three hours to kill, so I wasn't worried about the time it would take to get through security -- until I saw the lines. I am not exaggerating, they were the longest lines I have ever seen anywhere. I was seriously worried that we wouldn't make our flight. It was a strange experience, being among that many stressed-out shoeless people. A dark haze of anger and foot funk hung above the crowd.
Of course, it only took about a half hour to get to the front of the line (only!). But then we hit the security gates. I don't remember exactly what the problem was, but I think either my ID or my plane ticket had both my married and former name on it, and this was totally unacceptable. Of course, I had all sorts of alternate ID, but no, there was an identification mismatch! Sort of! So I had to go through special screening and get puffs of air blown on me in a machine operated by perhaps the rudest man I have ever met. Then my bags had to get searched. This was done by perhaps the rudest woman I have ever met. If they had announced any sort of further search (you know what I mean) I think I would have decided to drive the rest of the way rather than deal with these people in that capacity.
"Lasciate ogne speranza, voi ch'intrate"
"Abandon all hope, ye who enter here" -- should have been above the gate of the terminal we had to wait in. (I just looked it up -- it was Terminal A. Try not to use it.) As soon as we got there I looked around and regretted our hurry to get past security. It was tiny! There were three gates, and a commensurate number of places to eat, exactly none of which were open. I travel cheap, so I've slept in airports (take the last bus of the night, catch the cheap flight -- there's usually a time lag). So I know there's almost always a store open somewhere, at least by 6 AM. Actually, one shop (I think it may have been a Budweiser brew pub, or maybe it was right next to it) did open a little after six. We had packed food, but underestimated how much we'd need, so we wanted some breakfast. At this deli place we saw one of those stale-looking sandwiches that you see at convenience stores. It was roast beef (I don't know why I remember that) wrapped in saran wrap, and was on the small side. I looked down at the price: $8.95! It would have been overpriced at $0.99! Even better was the vending machine that dispensed a small-to-medium bowl of milk and cereal for $4.95. Seriously?
Now, I don't know what the Newark Airport does with their 900% profit margins, but they sure don't use the money to clean the bathrooms. Or the carpets. Or the seats, windows, linoleum floors, stairways or buses. Nor do they apply it toward drinking fountain repair.
Never have I wanted to get on a plane so badly as during the following two hours of gnawing hunger, somewhat alleviated by the odors that would occasionally drift up from the carpet. Usually I would have no problem taking a nap in an airport, but I didn't even want to touch the armrest of the chair I was on. I would go to the bathroom and wash my hands, and leave feeling dirtier than before. I'm not terribly germophobic, but the whole place was visibly grimy. Add in the guy in the wife-beater having a loud phone conversation and the girl in the platform flip-flops popping her gum (is it a New Jersey thing?) and you get the picture.
Of course, we did eventually catch our flight out. It was only about a half-hour late, which made the wait four-and-a-half hours too long for me.
The return trip
This one was actually not as bad. Of course, I'm not sure if it possibly could have been! This layover was nominally from 8:30 to 9:30, although the outbound plane was about an hour late. The dumb thing was, we flew in as before, but this time there was no choice but to go through security. No dirty stairway and bus across the tarmac option. So we took this silly "air-train" thing, which I swear was something I rode in at Disneyland when I was eight. The experience was eerily familiar. It's this little elevated train that seems way too elaborate for just taking people from one airport terminal to another. I'd rather walk!
Then we had to go through another long line at security, and sit among outrageously expensive food. Come to think of it, that sounds like Disneyland too. But I've read that Disneyland is fantastically clean. Plus, it's supposed to be fun. Which would make the Newark Airport some sort of Bizarro-Disney, where "fun" and "clean" got turned backward. I'm pretty sure you could find a mouse in the airport, too, though!
Recommended:
No
Best Time to Travel Here: Never
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Epinions.com ID:
lucidlemur
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Member: Mic
Location: Pacific Northwest
Reviews written: 55
Trusted by: 3 members
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School has started!
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