Late Night Adventures With Meth Head Zombies.
Written: Sep 10 '01
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Product Rating:
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Pros: Well, it works, that's always good.
Cons: Expensive, nasty initial taste, drool factor.
The Bottom Line: If you can get past the drool and taste, you have have the battle won.
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| Freak369's Full Review: Orajel PM |
For the past three days I have been in a living hell. Not the “stress and pressure from day to day events” kind of hell – but throbbing toothache hell. The kind of pain that prevents you from sleeping, eating and drinking anything that isn’t at room temperature. This is the kind of pain that can turn the most easy going, peanut butter and jelly making, mini van driving, scrapbook making, muffin baking soccer mom into a deranged, red eyed maniac that can snap at the drop of a dime.
Having a severe fear of dentists I have been putting off some dental work until I found someone that I felt comfortable with. I mean – this might seem totally idiotic – but I am going to be under sedation with my mouth wide open … I want someone that I can trust not to take that whole “spit and swallow” thing a bit too far. It looks like my somewhat careless attitude towards picking out a dentist has caught up with me – and I am paying a very severe price.
I’ve tried several over the counter medications for pain and up until a few days ago Aleve was pretty much all I needed for minor pains and aches – even the occasional gum pain I would experience. However, after a late night trip to Baskin Robbins for ice cream my world of Lego’s, homemade cookies and video games came crashing down around me. It started off small, like a little dull throb them progressed into a pain so severe it hurt to even open my mouth to talk. Yeah, I talk too much anyway so maybe this was a blessing for those around me.
It wasn’t until last night that the pain became so unbearable that even my trusty BC Powder couldn’t offer me the slightest amount of relief. I called my neighbor Jane and asked her to come over and watch the kids while I ran to the drug store – and once again I am singing the praises of 24-hour locations in Southern California. Sav-On’s. Oh how I love thee.
Now, roaming the aisles at close to 11:00 p.m. can be an adventure if the right people are in the store. There is a Starbucks nearby so when they close their doors the people seem to matriculate to Sav-On’s for some unknown reason – maybe it’s the fluorescent lights – who knows. So there I am – holding my jaw whimpering when I see another person doing the same thing – at first I dismissed it as some kind of weird coincidence then this person started mimicking my every movement. Now, if you have even been in a Sav-On you know how confusing the aisles can be – especially when you are looking for something in a hurry or are in pain. My little friend followed me up the first aid aisle and matched me step for step … this was starting to get on my nerves real quick. I shot him a few dirty looks that he shot right back at me – finally I told him that if he didn’t leave me alone I would pepper spray him. It was then that he pulled out a business card and handed it to me – Mark Dryer, Professional Mime.
To continue the weirdness at hand, the meth heads* were starting to come in one by one for their nightly five fingered crime spree. You see, they steal stuff, hang out in the parking lot then try to sell it to people who pull into the parking lot. If you time it right it looks like a scene from “Night Of The Living Dead” – with the strung out druggies chasing the cars, SUV’s and pick up trucks around screaming “2 liter Pepsi’s for a quarter”. If you ever starved for comedy, I highly suggest that you check out this rather interesting display of human addiction.
So now that I’ve been followed by a mime, hit up by a few panhandlers and told that I need to find God before the end of the world arrives I was at the end of my last nerve. I needed help – and fast. Out of nowhere comes Melody – a post teenage girl with pigtails, glitter on her cheeks and fluorescent green tennis shoes. All that was needed were pink gloves and she could have walked out of a Wham! video. If there was ever a definition of “sensory overload” this girl was it. She took pity on me and walked me over to the aisle that held my possible cure. She went on and on about how her rock star wanna be boyfriend lost part of a tooth in a bar brawl and tried a few of the over the counter tooth pain medications and suggested Orajel PM. Not wanting to read package after package I grabbed the one she was holding, mumbled a thank you and made my way to the check out counter.
The Dental Gods were still working against me. No one was at the counter and after ringing the little bell with feverish impatience’s no one came to ring me up. Tapping my foot, holding my jaw I saw very little humor in the situation. I started picking at the packaging until it looked like a rodent had been feasting n it – I placed my money on the counter and opened the tube. Alas, I was foiled again – you need succors to open the tube. I gathered up my money, Orajel PM packaging and purse / backpack and made my way to the school supply aisle. Scissors, where are the freakin’ scissors??? Finding a pair that would fit my needs, I opened the package, removed the scissors and tried to cut open the top of the tube. It was clearly not my day – or night shall I say – there was a small yet extremely sturdy plastic loop connecting the two parts of the scissors – that would – in theory – require another pair of scissors to remove it.
Suddenly – I heard the bleeping and dinging of the cash register. As quickly as I could move – which was a snails pace at this point in time – I ran to the front end of the store. I managed to catch the girl just as she was walking away. Finally – I can have some type of relief. She rang up my purchase and told em the total - $14.99. Huh? It seems the scissors I picked up were one of the more expensive pairs but were hung on the wrong peg. Whatever – it didn’t matter. I threw down a 20-dollar bill and continued to work on the plastic loop. The cashier noticed my angst and offered her pair of scissors to cut it. This whole thing could have been completely avoided if I had looked up onto the counter and seen the pair of scissors sitting there in the first place – and saved about 7.99 in the process.
So there I stood, in some weird Twin Peaks alternative world …. Muzak blasting over the speakers, blue haired women buying bottles of vodka and adult bladder control undergarments, strung out coffee addicts buying overprices four packs of Starbucks Frappucino, a soccer mom wandering around with a cart full of Halloween candy and me in the center of it all with my freshly opened tube of Orajel PM. Where are John Waters and the dancing pink flamingos when you really need them to complete a moment?
Not caring about the mess I squirted the goo onto my finger and rubbed it into my gums. Within 15 seconds a calm washed over me – something I hadn’t felt for days. However, that feeling of serenity was rudely destroyed by the obscene taste that invaded my mouth. In the time span of thirty seconds I went from deranged mom to gentle giant to slobbering buffoon. I now qualified to roam the parking lot with the other drooling zombies – except one thing would separate me from them – the minty scent of my excess saliva.
What It Does
You have a toothache, you want relief, your dentist can’t see you for a week. You have options – pull the tooth yourself [not recommended], ingest massive amounts of over the counter medications to dull the pain [not recommended unless you want to be on the liver transplant list] or seek out the aid of a oral pain reliever. Since I’ve never had to use one of these before I’m sort of at a loss as how it may compare to other products of it’s nature – however after doing a little research on the matter – post oral sedation that is – I found that most of them have the same active ingredient – Benzocaine 20%. So if you see a generic or store brand item that has Benzocaine 20% listed – chances are this is the same product minus the trademarked name and fancy package.
YUCK! What’s In It?
Don’t be fooled by the terms ‘maximum strength’ and ‘strongest over the counter tooth ache medicine’ – over the past few days I have been doing some homework on these meds and found that 99% of them all have the same active ingredient - Benzocaine 20% so unless it means a lot to you to have the ‘best of the best’ when all it boils down to is a name brand item then go for the most expensive. Be warned though – these tubes are not cheap by any definition of the word. Orajel PM set me back $7.99 a tube. How big is the tube? .25 ounces. That’s ¼ of an ounce folks. But when you are in pain, you’ll pretty much pay any price to get some relief.
I can only imagine what babies think when you use the junior versions of these medicines on them when they are teething.
Time Test
Well, when I said I had a toothache I was sort of lying. I have two teeth that are killing me. One is the top left incisor and the other is the bottom left molar. The top tooth is cracked on the inside portion and is the worse of the two while the bottom tooth is more of a gum pain than an actual tooth pain.
I got almost immediate relief on the bottom tooth / gum pain but the top tooth took about two minutes to cut the pain by about 75%. While it didn’t get rid of all of the pain with on small dab, I did find that I got almost total relief when I took a Q-Tip and applied the goo to the back of the tooth and gum as well as the front. If you try this – try wadding the cotton on the Q-Tip so that you don’t end up with stringy pieces of cotton in your mouth.
I’ve been using this for the past 24 hours and it hasn’t stopped working – my mouth hasn’t gotten used to the numbing effect either – which is a good thing. With some medications your body can get used to it – and some people double up on a dose to try and compensate.
One helpful hint – it’s best to just get it over with and let the medicine work on your entire mouth. When you apply it to the tooth or gum area that is giving you trouble you’ll notice an increase of saliva – as gross as this sounds it does work for the greater good here. Let the saliva pool up in your mouth and swish it around. If you can hold out for a few minutes without spitting or puking – your entire mouth should be on it’s way to being numb.
Orajel PM vs. Other Products
Hands down this was the fastest relief when matched up against any type of oral medication. My trusty BC Powder [also known as Goody Powder] worked great the first day or so then I think my body got used to it or the pain progressed – take your pick.
The Aleve I had grown to love helped a little but didn’t really do much to dull the throbbing and allow me to fall asleep. I did however manage to catch a nap here and there if I propped myself up on several pillows and slept like the Elephant Man. Not a pleasant experience whatsoever.
I can’t say how this works in comparison to other oral pain relievers – but I will say this – I am pretty pleased with the way it works as well as the 2 hour time frame that it lasts, providing you don’t drink liquids or eat anything. That pretty much cancels out the medication and washes it away. If you have to drink something – use a straw and make sure it’s as close to room temperature as you can handle.
Things Not To Do
Well, common sense sometimes takes a vacation when pain takes center stage – at least for me it does. Through trial and error with this most recent round of tooth pain I’ve compiled a small list of things not to do.
Potato Chips A massive no-no. Salt + open / gaping wound = pain.
Ice Water If you can suck it down through a straw – great … if not you better pass on it. Stick with room temperature drinks to avoid screaming pain.
Fruit Pies Uhhh no. Duhhhh.
Hot Soup Ditto, a negative.
Sesame Seed Buns Avoid these, getting a seed stuck in a cracked tooth or inflamed gum-line hurts – a pain than can not be put into words.
As with any medication, use it with caution. Read the package and follow the instructions for application, length of use and accidental overdose instructions. Don’t rip open the package without reading the fine print first – because if you try to read what’s printed on the tube you’ll need a magnifying glass as well as some headache medicine.
My tube of Orajel PM has served me well and it will be something that I continue to use when the occasion arises. For those with dentures you can use this product however the manufactures suggest that you do not reinsert your appliances until the area has healed or the pain has subsided without the use of the gel. For teenagers with braces this can be used when they are tightened or adjusted however I would think that the numbing sensation as well as the drooling might be more of a hindrance than a help in the long run.
So for $7.99 I found a new friend to help me with my dental woes. As I said before, 99% of the oral pain gels have the same active ingredient so I can only assume that they all work as well as others. For me, I’m pretty happy with my minty drool, at least the weirdo’s at the grocery store leave me alone and not a single meth head has approached me to ask me for spare change or if I want to buy a box of paper clips.
Pass the Kleenex, I’m drooling again…
^V^ Freak ^V^
[Thanks for the read too]
* = Meth Heads. Humanoids that are addicted to Crystal Methamphetamine, a very strong and addictive drug that is manufactured in the deserts of Southern California and Arizona.
Recommended:
Yes
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