If you asked me before this weekend who the better director was between Robert Rodriguez and Quentin Tarantino I would have said "QT.. hands down, why you askin' me such a stupid question?". Not that I didn’t groove on Desperado, Once Upon A Time In Mexico and From Dusk Till Dawn but you are entering a whole different league if you compare them with Pulp Fiction, Reservoir Dogs and Kill Bill (one and two, thank ya kindly). However if I had to base my answer on the two halves of Grindhouse then Rodriguez comes up the clear and surprising winner.
You are about to witness the stronger of the two offerings and the main reason why I’ll have to buy the Grindhouse- DeathProof/Planet Terror Box set when it’s released later this year.
Well... that and all the cool special features that are missing from both individual releases.

A Plot, A Sub-plot, Another Subplot, Another Subplot And One Other Subplot:
Abbey (Naveen Andrews), an Afghani biochemical scientist, has created a gas called DC2 that either kills or transforms its afflicted into bubbling, flesh eating zombies. He shows up at his base to supply a group of soldiers who need to inhale a small amount constantly after they had been gassed in Afghanistan. Three of his “specimens” are missing, probably roaming the night and eating brains. After cutting the balls off his inept business partner, he lets the gas loose in the night air instead of handing it over to the menacing Lt. Muldoon (Bruce Willis).

Meanwhile, Cherry Darling (Rose McGowan) decides that it’s time to stop Go-Go dancing. She leaves Skip’s Go-Go-Go for the final time and stops in at barbecue joint The Bone Shack to clean herself up after being run off the road by military trucks. Once there, she meets her old boyfriend El Wray (Freddie Rodriguez) who has a mysterious military past and is the ultimate man’s man. While giving her a lift, El Wray’s truck is totaled in an accident and Zombies take Cherry’s leg as a tasty, lovely snack.

Meanwhile, Dr. William Block (Josh Brolin) and his anesthesiologist wife Dr. Dakota Block (Mary Shelton) wake up and prepare for another night in the emergency ward. William Block doesn’t know it but his wife is preparing to leave him for a lesbian ex-flame Tammy (Fergie from Black Eyed Peas) who is on her way to the Dakota house to pick up the Dakota son (real life son of the director Rebel Rodriguez). When the Dakota’s hit the hospital they start seeing the effects of the DC2 gas including a half empty (or is that half full) Tammy. El Wray and a newly crippled Cherry show up just before all hell breaks loose. Dakota escapes the hospital despite being locked in a supply room by a husband intent on killing her for infidelity and runs to the house of her father, Sheriff Earl McGraw (Michael Parks). McGraw has just finished lovingly taking care of his invalid wife with an ax.

Meanwhile, small town Sheriff Hague (Michael Biehn) and his deputies (Tom Savini and Carlos Galardo) are trying to figure out just what in hell is happening in their little burg. The sheriff has to contend with the rising body count in the hospital as well as his stubborn brother, Bone Shack owner J.T. (Jeff Fahey) who just flat out refuses to share his coveted barbecue sauce recipe no matter how much his brother raises the rent on him. What ever is going on, Sheriff Hague is pretty sure that El Wray (and his elusive past) has something to do with it.

Meanwhile (last one, I promise) Lt. Muldoon’s military of sexual deviant soldiers (Quentin Tarantino and muscle head Greg Kelly) start taking all of the survivors prisoner in hopes of finding a cure for the DC2.
The survivors have picked The Bone Shack for a hideout and from there El Wray, J.T., Sheriff Hague, Dakota, Skip and Cherry, with her alluring array of deadly stumps, must outwit the military and get out of town. Destination? Mexico.

There’s a lot going on here. God know how much more since there was a missing reel of film that answered a few questions and set The Bone Shack on fire.

Those Who Eat The Brains:
Acting
Interestingly, the best acting comes from where you least expect it.
Naveen Andrews, (Lost and The English Patient) as a testicle-collecting scientist more concerned with the highest bidder than with humanity, relishes his role and is clearly enjoying himself. Every bad line that leaves his lips is tasted and savored and makes his character that much more worth watching. His acting chops are fine indeed. I hope he gets a ton more work. Josh Brolin has moments of comedic brilliance and you love hating him and root for more screen time from him. In one of the special features he states that the only moments of filming that weren't fun were the scenes where he had to intimidate Mary Shelton. That’s just a shame. The scene where he is spitting needle caps in her face is riveting and wickedly funny in its deadpan delivery.
Rodriguez cast his Real Estate agent as Skip the dance club owner and I hope we see him again. We have all met this guy with his false macho bravado.
Truly, the most outstanding casting choice is that of William Block’s doctor friend Dr. Felix (played by Rodriguez’s real doctor, Dr. Felix). This is a character that supplies a huge amount of comedy as someone fascinated and excited by the most disgusting medical conditions you can think of. Bubbling skin, rotting penis’ and anal lesions are all medical Trivial Pursuit for this guy. It’s like he gets extra points in life if he guesses the correct answer. A serious laugh out loud moment is a view of a corpse with the entire back of the head missing and brains scooped out while in the back ground we hear Dr. Felix saying “Ooooh…oooh… wait… don’t tell me…” with the excited, pants wetting energy of a five year old.
Stacey Ferguson is flat out hot and incredible eye candy for any guy watching this.
Jeff Fahey makes a natural grizzled, ice eyed, washed up restaurant owner, Tom Savini is always fun to watch and this could be the best thing to happen to Michael Biehn’s acting career since Tombstone or Terminator.
The weak spots in the acting are Bruce Willis (nothing new here for him) Rose McGowan and Freddie Rodriguez, both of whom I found wooden and uninteresting and Quentin Tarantino who is too much of an over actor here. He can write great dialogue but he just can't say it.

Foaming Lieutenants and Dripping Privates:
The Special Effects:
Before the film even starts we are given a preview of a really bad “Revenge” movie called Machete starring hatchet faced actor and Rodriguez main stay Danny Trejo as well as Jeff Fahey and Cheech Marin. It looks truly horrible and I hope they actually do make it, that it isn’t a joke.
Right from the opening title credits the tone is set and the film is dated. Technicolor 70’s rainbow swirls and balloon like script let you know what you’re in for.
The effects are campy and fun all the way along. Cherry’s missing leg and the bubbling zombie skin are probably the two biggest technical hurdles and nothing new to anyone since Forrest Gump’s green screen work. Rodriguez gives the movie a distressed damaged look that Tarantino started out with in DeathProof but then somehow lost. Rodriguez keeps it up through the whole film, going so far as to have frame jumps when ever someone makes a chopping motion. The violence would appear less graphic if not for the seizure-like quality in some of the scenes.
Fifteen “vital” minutes of the film appear to be missing only to have the viewer realize that they were never really needed to begin with. Cutting these fifteen minutes from the film was probably a good idea because even with the graphic exploitation and flesh rotting effects the film still drags a bit in places, however no where near as bad as DeathProof.
The special features include several casting documentaries as well as a Director’s commentary and an additional audio track that includes the original audience reaction. This one is especially fun to have playing while you watch and the chorus of cheers while the Machete preview is on makes you wish you had been in the theatre.
There is a Ten Minute Rodriguez Film School (making of) as well as quite a few trivia tidbits. One of the more interesting is that Rodriguez’s son Rebel has NO IDEA what happens to his character in the movie because Rodriguez filmed multiple takes all the way through.

What’s missing?
Rodriguez has promised that his 10 Minute Cooking School (where he taught us to make Puerco Pibil in Once Upon A Time In Mexico) will be included in the Grindhouse box set. Perhaps he will share with us his recipe for barbecue, although I doubt it since "ain't no Texan's ever gonna give you his BBQ recipe, that's a fact! He'll take it to his grave! He could be bleedin' like a stuck pig and he ain't gonna tell ya! He could be dyin' in your arms and he ain't gonna tell ya!"
I also look forward to a more in depth documentary on the Tarantino/Rodriguez collaboration.
Finally, hopefully, they will also include the mock previews for Don’t, Thanksgiving and Werewolf Women Of The S.S.
If I were able to give half stars I’d probably rate this closer to 3.5 out of 5 but I’ll be generous and round up. Just as well, since the other half of Grindhouse, DeathProof, would have only scored 2.5

This will be a third entry (and my second Zombie film) in to CaptainD’s Good Movie write off.


Recommended:
Yes

Viewing Format: DVD
Video Occasion: Good for a Rainy Day
Suitability For Children: Not suitable for Children of any age