Meanwhile kids busy themselves capturing Pokemon, Nintendo lounges in a money-made pool doing this: "MWA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA!"
Written: May 09 '05 (Updated Jan 25 '09)
Product Rating:
Pros: Lots of Pokemon.
Cons: Lots of Pokemon.
The Bottom Line: I recommend that no one ever buy a Pokemon game ever again.
ChromeKiller's Full Review: Pokemon: Leaf Green for Game Boy Advance (GBA)
Pokemon: Every time that I've thought of the name it sickened me. Fads often come and go as the popularity of the franchise starts to repeat itself. Sometimes these franchises drive themselves into the ground quickly; but sometimes, they endure. Companies continue to milk every little aspect as long as slaves to their idiocy will contribute the needed dollars to fund the stream of livelihood. Pokemon is possibly both the longest lasting and stupidest craze that I have ever met. Taking its first steps into the world as a Nintendo Game Boy game, Pokemon soon had its own slot as an anime cartoon on the WB network. Kids and adults alike watched it. They played the games. They bought each of the toys. They saw the films. Pokemon was just a simplistic idea that has come this far only because of one basic concept: Gotta catch 'em all! With hundreds upon thousands of demented little monsters to manifest and a generic team of Pokemon captors bent on imprisoning each and every one of these creatures, Pokemon is a fad that seemingly will never go away as long as Nintendo's able to rehash and further stabilize reasons to base its billions off of the brand. Here's just one of Nintendo's latest in the handheld monopoly: Pokemon LeafGreen.
From a head count, there has been approximately twenty different Pokemon games sitting on American retail shelves up until this point. Twenty might not be a very large number in itself, but when it comes to one single franchise that's certainly no small sum considering the time span that the series has existed in. Nintendo didn't introduce this Game Boy RPG to Americans until 1998. Two years before then in 1996, Pokemon was a Japanese-only monster hunting Game Boy RPG. That is to say the black and white version; not the fancy shmancy colored ones that we've got in the present. When Pokemon did hit Japan, and hit it hard too like a biblical plague, there were but just two versions. Simply, they were called Pokemon Red and Pokemon Green. Essentially, Pokemon LeafGreen is the same game released in Japan. That is, Pokemon LeafGreen is Pokemon Green. The difference is, Pokemon LeafGreen is a Game Boy Advance game, whereas Green was for the aged Game Boy. Useless, unneeded cheap marketing? You betcha!
That's just how some of the Pokemon business got so large, however. If you are (or were) a loyal Pokemon follower, you'd probably recall the first two American Pokemon games under the Red and Blue aliases. You know what those games really were? They were the American Game Boy versions of Japan's Pokemon iterations, or Red and Green. Six years passed by after that, and now with the Game Boy Advance's turn on the go we get yet another revisal of these same games under new aliases: Pokemon FireRed and Pokemon LeafGreen. So, what's the point of retooling and restocking a game that gamers only just played a short amount of years beforehand? There really isn't much of a point when there's hardly been much done to enhance the progenitor to start out with. Nintendo just figures that anyone will buy anything that has Pokemon written on the box. Kids are stupid. Parents don't know the difference. The endless cycle of rehashes will continue so long as there's a way to recycle and reap the rewards.
Always as it has been, always as it will be: Pokemon LeafGreen is your basic and generic turn-based and text-based type RPG series. How the mediocrity of its simple nature rose up the ranks to be one of the gaming world's best-selling franchises of all-time is beyond me. But then again, it's not that Pokemon has really no innovative merits to its name that repeatedly sells the sensation. It's that there are in fact an unlimited number of crazy critters in which to snag that Pokemon is and has been such a smoking title all of this time. Over the years, I've always kept myself in the dark from Pokemon's "supposedly" alluring grab. I literally found it impossible to watch the TV show for more than five seconds. The characters and creatures on the series were so obnoxiously cute that I had to shut it off almost immediately the second that I had the channel tuned into the show. Avoiding the TV series, though, didn't fully exclude me from enduring many painful months of overhearing the overly irksome theme song and wretched content of the show. Having siblings who can't say no to a fad as moronic as Pokemon was a certain nightmare for quite some time. Luckily, they got sick of Pokemon and eventually stopped watching and collecting the junk - including Game Boy Color systems that were exclusively purchased for the purpose of Pokemon games. As much as I loathed the show however, I was told numerous times by others that the game was definitely far better off than the anime series. I can't say that I was never tempted to try to see if what I heard was in fact accurate. This being the first Pokemon game that I've ever experienced, to you who prodded me to give Pokemon a chance, I see how mistaken all of you were.
In Pokemon LeafGreen (or from what I'm aware of, any Pokemon game for that matter), it's the idea that you'll get a chance to obtain every last one of these little rats is what'll run the gears in this labored machine. But no, catching every single last Pokemon is not a requirement - it's an option. You don't even have to nab more than one, even when capturing 'mons is supposedly the juice that's driving this overly dried up engine. Pokemon LeafGreen essentially has no story. That is to say, it's a tale that's hardly worth the effort to see through to the end. Simply, you're some common Pokemon trainer. No more, no less. Beginning the game lets you choose your gender - and if you pick a boy, you'll become an Ash Catchum look-a-like. Name your fake hero whatever the hell you want; it doesn't matter. Mine I called Zork. For a stupid game, I gave myself an identity that I could continue to laugh at. But even better, you get to label the archrival Pokemon trainer that you'll often confront throughout the course of the game (in addition to every single Pokemon that you catch). I named this crappy character Ash after the cartoon's goodie-goodie main protagonist. Since the whole concept of the game is to pick up and train Pokemon for hours on end, it should be known that battling Pokemon can't be achieved without first owning a Pokemon of your own. And so, your first Pokemon is given to you by the goofy Professor Oak, who's also the uncle of your nemesis in the game. Oak lends both you and his nephew one Pokemon each from his collection, telling you to ship off into the vastness of the land to find and fill your Pokedex as full as you can.
Stuffing your bag with these horrendous beings though is where the game actually becomes a densely wearisome time. To catch a Pokemon you'll need to follow a set of rules. First, only wild Pokemon can be contained. This means that Pokemon found in random battles rather than the ones up against trainers. Second, you'll need to buy or find Pokeballs to do exactly that. Money is obtained mainly through the defeat of other Pokemon trainers, who'll naturally line up along the roads or inside of caves that are to and from towns, in addition to other non-city locales, such as the Team Rocket underground fortress that you will infiltrate. But in order to gain money so to stack up on supplies purchased inside town marts (like health refreshments, status alleviators, or the essential Pokeballs), you'll need your own potential army of Pokemon at your every beck and call. This is precisely where the snoozing begins. Not only will you be able to add every new species of Pokemon that you'll stumble upon in the wild, but you'll also be able to contend against the same species of these things over and over again throughout the game's fundamental and aggravatingly slow battle system training sessions.
To get Pokemon nice and strong, you need to level up. Gaining experience is, of course, the side effect of nauseating battles. Wherein normal RPG games you'll be fitted with a party of maybe three or more characters at a time, in Pokemon all you get is one little critter in which to push out into the open. Always are matches one on one, unless of course there's a special arrangement with certain trainers who at times show up in deuces and force you to duel with two different Pokemon against two different Pokemon at a time. But, this is a rare and special type of event, so you won't be seeing much of that. That is why almost always, you're up against one individual Pokemon. What this basically means is... leveling up Pokemon is an extremely slow process. While you're able to acquire experience using multiple Pokemon to defeat a single enemy Pokemon in battle, only one total sum of experience is gained in this moment of defeat. That means that every Pokemon that appeared and lived during a face-off between the opposing Pokemon gets a dividend of the total pie. A smaller chunk isn't as good as the whole figure when it's quicker to try and grab for each Pokemon a bigger piece. So starts the long journey in which you may face to make every single one of your Pokemon equal to your last.
But the thing is, you don't even need every one of your Pokemon in the game to be at a set level. Though, when it comes to RPGs, I'm just one of those people who prefers balance amongst my characters. I hate to think that one of my guys is left trailing behind. Even without that type of obsessive nature, the battle system in itself just isn't very deep or entertaining. Here's how it works: If you're outside, only by stepping in a patch of grass (for example) will spring up a random battle. Later in the game you'll receive a fishing rod to hunt for fish-only-related Pokemon types. Inside caves, they pop up no matter where you stand. You'll even find them while surfing over water, as your trainer gains the ability to do so. When against trainers, you need the trainer to be close enough and to see you to meet them in a match. Well, however the battle ends up starting, just picture the screen with the trainer and/or Pokemon enemy appearing at the top right of the screen. You'll see your generic hero/heroine sliding along at the bottom left of the screen with some panning grass, water, or stone type animations (depending on the environmental area). Now the battle window is set. The enemy's HP bar is at the top left. Your menu and options appear at the bottom of the screen. Either you can fight with up to four moves, choose an item from your bag (which includes the Pokeballs to trap an enemy once it's weak enough), you can select another Pokemon to replace the one you've already enlisted in the heat of battle, or you can simply just run away. Now, let's talk about simplicity. Four moves: that's all that any Pokemon is ever given. Believe me, there is a great deal more, but there's the thing: Pokemon are only permitted to use a combination of four moves at any one point. Each time that an individual Pokemon finishes off another Pokemon in battle, they gain experience that very gradually leads to another level. Every so often at selective stages of a Pokemon's growth, you'll be asked if you want to replace one of the four moves already in their possession for another one. You'll always have to pay attention here to what might be the most essential moves in each Pokemon's arsenal, because you can't ever relearn an ability once it vanishes forever.
Another factor seems like almost every Pokemon in the game (or large majorities of them) share the same types of moves, and that's when the battles also become predictable. Sure there's 143 different caricatures of creatures to collect. Though, all that's saying is that there is 143 directions to stretch out little a very long way. Typical Poke powers you'll see performed often include status effects (i.e., sleep, poison, paralysis, burn, etc.) to standard move sets (quick attack, peck, low kick, life drain, amongst others). It's not that every move is the same. It's just that many of the Pokemon can attain the same attributes as other Pokemon. Yeah, there is a bunch of Pokemon types, but looks don't matter much when a lot of them act identically. There is rock, plant, water, flying, poison, and other types too. Each individual elemental species shares the same weaknesses, so there's a need of studying what Pokemon is capable of what. If you're to seriously play Pokemon, you'll start this habit of memorizing every single Pokemon type that you face and remember their strengths and imperfections. And it's not just that the battles and experience system moves like a grandpa on stilts in a text-based, turn-based system, but the combat is flawed in a way. The whole method for defeating Pokemon in any fighting situation involves chance. Each move made is based off the numbers in the game. Every move has a certain amount of PP points. If you have no more PP left (heh, heh), you can't "flush" the enemy out with that choice of ability anymore. Then you'll have to move to another move. Some moves, though, have embedded in their performance statistics that won't allow for them to be useful as certain other methods. Let's say that one attack has a 55 accuracy reading. This won't work as well as a separate move with a 100 accuracy on its chart.
There's also the chance that the enemy is of a breed that makes some moves hardly effective, or legal at all against their kind. There are several Pokemon enemies just the same that bombard your own Pokemon with ample amounts of status effects-related proceedings. These ailments can consist of an array of elements, from poison to inch away life while simultaneously attacking, to sleep to force a Pokemon into a slumber while simultaneously attacking, or something along the lines of constantly subtracting your Pokemon's accuracy or defensive measures so to drain them of a better chance for success in one or more attributes. The computer essentially takes a lot of cheap shots. That's all it knows how to do. You've got to deal with this predictable consistency all of the time. The battle system revolves around luck, basically. You strike first, or the computer strikes first, then you wait to see what happens. A lot of the time, the game decides that it wants to tirelessly annoy you by creating multiple misses on your account and hits for the opposing fiend, so you'll sit there entering the same maneuver until it finally kicks into action. There is a cheap order of tactics that your Pokemon are able to employ just the same as the enemy. One useful tactic with a particular egg Pokemon, for instance, gives you the opportunity to douse an enemy with sleep, then cleverly drain its life simultaneously with a seed spore that sucks up HP on its own for your Pokemon's personal refreshment, and then in a third position beat it to a pulp with a regular strike. But since the game really gets to the point where you just want to rush past each encounter and just get the damn experience in a hurry, enlisting the most powerful standard offensive move that your Pokemon's got to finish off enemies the quickest way is what ends up occurring a lot throughout the game. Unless you're an extremely patient person, it's a long and highly tedious expedition to level up some Pokemon types regularly with this slow-mo craziness going on.
Retarded fighting is just one of the game's high points. Or in this case, sucky points. Zork (the character of the game, my version of him) is born without legs. Guided with the directional pad, there's no such button that'll increase the steady flow of Zork at first. Zork has to plod his way through towns, through buildings, and through everything until the game finally at one point grants him the power to run. Wowee! Naturally, this slightly faster pace only picks up through outside locales. Why the hell does Zork need running power when he can just dawdle his way through the insides of buildings? I mean, who doesn't love traveling at a snail's pace? Later in the game, Zork will receive a bike. Even further down the line, he can mobilize himself over water. Flying (or in other words, instantly appearing in one town from another distant location) is another option. The reason that I figure why there's no running ability to begin with is to deceive players by building up a sense of "specialness" just to give players something extra to do within the game's confines at a marginal rate. Me, I'd prefer for the evolution process for the most essential additions, such as running to happen much quicker or already be an integrated gameplay aspect. Some of these other properties mentioned is actually part of a whole other system within the game. These are called the HMs (Hidden Machines), which relate to the family of TMs (Technical Machines). About the HMs and TMs, these are actually moves gained instead of learned. By defeating Gym leaders in pursuit of becoming the ultimate Pokemon trainer (Gym leaders are the top Pokemon masters of each town that you'll have to shape your Pokemon up for and ultimately defeat), Zork then gets rewarded with a discernible badge from them. The badge grants a distinct power all its own in some unseen way (like giving Zork the advantage of keeping all Pokemon in his collection content). These badges also represent the ability to activate HMs specifically. HMs are rare types of tricks that by allowing selective Pokemon to learn, enable them to do things like process light inside darkened caves, to cut down trees blocking the routes through outdoor passage ways, to crush rocks blocking paths, and as mentioned before, to fly from town to town in an instant. These moves are harder to delete than the standard ones that Pokemon normally adapt to. Ridding them is kind of pointless anyway, when they become some of the best combat techniques in an arsenal. Not to mention, they're essential for clearing paths of trees, riding on top of water, and stuff like that. TMs are like HMs, only these moves are acquired much more frequently, and can be replaced without a problem. TMs range from all sorts of battle uses, from the power to activate duplicate clones of one Pokemon's self and raise evasiveness, to rock-collapsing and water-pulsing blasts.
Mentioning simplicity and repetitiveness brings to mind Pokemon's lackluster effort behind its visual and sound-based elements. If you wanted to hear the same exact synthesized battle theme a million times in a row and beyond, you've got it in Pokemon LeafGreen. Exploratory tunes? Thinner than sliced bread. No matter what, there just isn't a lot of variety to listen to aside from some campy machine-generated tracks. Amidst some general happier and slower melodies while strolling through the outdoor pathways around and between towns, there is also some speedier up-tempo tracks found in battle. This goes without saying then that audio is without its extra change of shorts. Aside from the numerous moves able to be activated within combat, like rocks tumbling down, water gushing, bubbles bursting, Pokemon snoring, electronic beams zapping, lights flashing and slashing... there is a limited default amount of audio effects not within onsets. Of these is a hilarious bumpy effect whenever Zork slams into an object - be it a wall, a person, or even a bush. The game's sound is designed around all of these old-fashioned byte effects, which may be adequate; however, they're far from being addictive. Pokemon LeafGreen isn't a very exciting game on the eyes either. There is some interesting species of Pokemon in the game. But, these are best seen when in combat using the pale, lifeless battle windows that feature two or more Pokemon in a watercolor-filled, pencil-drawn anime sort of way. Of bird, monkey, rat, bull, fish, plant, rock, dragon, and lots of thingamajig Pokemon too, there are lots of kinds to see but only some of them, as I've said, look appealing (like Pikachu, the yellow, beady-eyed cat). Watch out, though - Pokemon do emerge as ugly when they evolve. They turn into hideous deformities for some reason. Machop, for instance (a blue, Smurf-like little fellow), becomes a muscle-bound hulk with multiple limbs. When not engaged in any kind of attack, Pokemon LeafGreen without its warping, sliding elemental animations is just simplicity at its basest form. Dot-eyed little people shift on keyed paths up and down, left and right, or just wait there in town or outside of it for battle purposes in grass and dirt-covered, water-edged topdown routes. What's cool about the game is watching as the tiny pixelated models of people or Pokemon reflect in small bodies of water or riding a bike over sand will indent on the surface creased tracks. Otherwise, overall, Pokemon LeafGreen is primitive.
Fads in a way are like coins; they always have two sides. Either you're with the red-hot commodity or you're against it. With Pokemon, I've always sat on the back side of the coin, the one that gives and gets less attention than that face of a sparkling quarter. The face side is all about the "heads": the thinking, the looking forward to and being involved in whatever new is coming forth for this wave of Pokemania. The back, or the "tails," is all about being left behind. Those on the back end see the faults in the flavor and want no part of the product's evolution. Even at two ends of the coin spectrum, there's also that boundary in the middle. It's the edge of a coin where spectators sometimes visit and peek over at the end that they've been missing all this time. I've been one to sit on that edge and attempt to take the plunge. I've snuck peeks at the TV series and was freaked out. I've almost purchased the video games. I've been told they would change my mind entirely about the Pokemon phenomenon. Not until now have I actually played the game. At last, I have come to terms with understanding what the heck was so great about being a Pokemon fan. With this knowledge and with this experience, I can officially say with a passion always and forever... I hate Pokemon.
Side Note: I just wanted to point out that it was Epinions who sent me this copy of Pokemon LeafGreen for Christmas. You guys finally got me to play Pokemon. For that, I say thanks again. After all, one of these days I'm going to get stuck on top of a mountain - I just know it. And then when I decide that I wouldn't risk burning any of my good belongings for starting a fire, that's when I unleash my Pokemon LeafGreen game and watch the cartridge burn like it were the green-skinned Wicked Witch of the West. "I'm melting! I'm melting! Ohhhh... what a world!" Then I retort to my whiny game, "I told you someday that I was going to murder you in a drive-by, OR on top of a mountain!"
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