nathsmom's Full Review: Marianne Williamson - A Return to Love: Reflection...
Like one of "The Canadians" in The Hurricane says to Lezrah, "Sometimes we don't pick the books we read, the book picks us". I think that's true in my case, because really, the first "miracle" was that I actually read it at all.
I am not what you'd call a "New-Agey" kind of person. (Thought the Celestine Prophesy was "neat", but so badly written that it drove me to distraction). I have a low tolerance for flakiness coupled with an uncanny ability to completely miss the point. I generally avoid anything with "love" in the title because I'm afraid that in reading it, I am going to somehow end up feeling guilty about something. I like being sardonic and irreverent and I'm afraid that any sort of appeal to love will make me lose my sense of humor; loving, after all, is a very serious matter, reserved for solemn people like Popes and martyrs , the long suffering and the assorted downtrodden. You can't really be laughing with the bitchiest of your gay friends as he so masterfully shreds whatever sorry TV personality happens to be in the news, it's just not holy. In fact, there may be several violations in that one act alone--I haven't really been keeping up. So I hope you can believe that it really was with great trepidation that I began reading A Return to Love.
The truth is, there is no way I could possibly do this book justice, it is probably the most influential and important book (stop rolling your eyes!) I have ever read, (and I have actually read several books. All the way though. In some cases, even the introduction. Don't mess with me.). So the best I can offer you is an enticement and hope that I can at least pique your interest in the subject.
Anger, Resentment, Judgment, Forgiveness in One Awkward Transition
The idea that we need to put ourselves first and get our own needs met is so much a part of the fabric of North American culture, that to suggest otherwise is near heresy. No, it's worse than heresy--it's nonsensical. The entire concept of putting someone else first (although that is not the point of the book) seems wrong, like a bad idea, like asking your neighbor to cater the most important event of your life, your neighbor, (with questionable hygiene practices--and you know--because you've been at her house), who hauls her ghastly macaroni salad to every event you attend. The macaroni salad so hideous in taste and appearance that the mere sight of it causes waves of nausea to rise in you of the kind that you haven't felt seen since your last ill-fated decision to eat a 7-11 burrito. A macaroni salad that could only have sprung, fury-like, from the minds of the evil geniuses of the Kraft test kitchens of the 1970s, and you harbour a secret suspicion that you neighbor may have been one of them , and in fact, may be the person responsible for the Kraft Miniature Marshmallow Parfait, (a simple concoction of alternating layers of Kraft peach jam and Kraft miniature marshmallows). You'd be an idiot to have her cater your do, wouldn't you? You would, as surely as you'd be an idiot to believe that loving and forgiving some ingrate who's done you wrong, some unspeakably stupid and thoughtless oaf, a veritable human Shrine of Lout-dom who doesn't have the decency to even ask for your forgiveness, would do anything other than make you some sort of idiot martyr who is not putting his or her own needs first. Duh! this is so obvious. That's how we do it in our world, and we like it like that
We don't generally go in for non-judgment in our society. We like to adopt standards to which everyone must conform. It's quite a simple concept: If you don't meet our standards, you're worthy of our contempt. We are proud to be moral snobs. We have standards. I'm a liberal minded person, so I don't have a problem with say, homosexuality, for example, but I am not too keen on bigotry. Bigots are worthy of my judgment, are they not?
In most instances, we are not too big on forgiveness either; we don't like to forgive our parents for example, or our ex-spouses or old boyfriends, school teachers, any kind of person we see as having influence. It's just not the sort of thing that's done. No, we prefer to keep our anger and resentment, and bury it. This is our buried emotional baggage that, consciously or unconsciously, we tote with us into every new relationship. That old boyfriend who unceremoniously dumped me 17 years ago is walking around perfectly happy today--he's not carrying the bag, I am. And that just makes me madder!
We like to keep laundry lists of violations, that we can recall at will. The longer the list, the more difficult it is for us to rationalize an absolution: I might consider forgiving you, if you first subjugate yourself. Throw yourself down on the alter of my judgment and listen and feel ashamed as I recite the many wrongs you have committed against me. On December 4, 1993, did you not intentionally and deliberately, use my hairbrush, when I had strictly forbade use of same and had reprimanded you on it during several prior offenses? Then, a mere two days later, did you not intentionally "forget" to tell me that you would be home late after your friend's bachelor party, arriving home a full three hours after your expected arrival time? You sir, are passive aggressive. Admit it! If I grant forgiveness, take note, it's conditional.
Obviously I am being silly, everyone has real emotional pain and we have all suffered something, some so much more than others, but the point is all these many years later, who's really suffering? Who is really carrying the weight of the burden? Is it the person who did you wrong? Or is it you? Would you like another rhetorical question?
New and Improved Me (Sappy, personal part)
Reading this book (and consequently changing my perspective) has changed every single relationship I have with the people in my life. It's made me forgive past transgressions and made me a happier person overall. Not only do they receive the benefit of my forgiveness, I receive the benefit of carrying a lighter load. If you believe in God, then this book can help you to see, that despite any insensitive actions and harsh words, despite every single unmet needs violation, every single person on this earth is one of God's perfect creations, and for that alone is worthy of your forgiveness and your love. It's not about laws or criminals and just leaving people free to commit crime. It's a personal, private kind of forgiveness that has nothing to do with swanning back into someone's life and making a humungous deal about "FORGIVING". You do it privately and quietly, and you can drop one more bag.
The miracleis that loving people changes you, and that, miraculously, changes them. It changes the way you think of and treat people, makes you happier with yourself and with others. It lightens the load. Adds a little sugar to your life. Makes you a better parent, spouse, son or daughter and a better friend.
I first read this book about six years ago and it so affected me that I gave copies to many people I know, because it's that good (in paperback, all right, I am not a Saint). I reread it now and then, mostly when I feel myself fallin' off the Love Wagon. I urge you to hop on board--there is plenty of room left back here in the bitchy section.
The Straight Dope
The title pretty much sums it up. A Return to Love: Reflections of the Principles in a Course in Miracles.
Author Marianne Williamson simplifies the (often hard to decipher) texts of A Course in Miracles, which (as I understand it) is a (hold on to your hat) transcription of messages from Jesus, "dictated" to a Jewish university professor. This is not really discussed in the book, presumably because of the fear that many people will find it a little too freaky (I know I did). The book has been dismissed as trite (totally unfair and missing the point!), as pop spirituality and questionable theology. Despite her very laudable efforts at inclusion, this is still primarily Christian-based theology. Some people have even said it's "the work of the devil". Sheeh. The central tenet is that "There is only love. Everything else is an illusion" (OK, so it is a little freaky). But just read it anyway. For the angst-filled skeptics among you, I say this book is completely compatible with existential thinking. It is all about choosing your emotions and charting your destiny, and very much about taking responsibility for your actions.
This book is easy to read. Williamson has an approachable style in which she relates the principles of A Course in Miracles to her own life, citing many examples of how a mere shift in one's viewpoint can alter everything. She explains the paradox that the only way to "fight the power" is to "love the power". Like Rubin Carter says "Hate got me in here and love is gonna bust me out". Oh, and by the way, if you haven't seen the movie, love actually did bust him out. Oh, hope I haven't ruined it by giving away the ending!
I measure a book's value in how long it stays with me and how profound an impact it has on my life and really, any book that really makes me question the status quo or ask questions about what I believe and why I believe it is a good thing in my view. It is a worthwhile read for that alone.
Chapter OneThe Darkness"The journey into darkness has been long and cruel, and you have gone deep into it." What happened to my generation is that we ...More at HotBookSale
An internationally acclaimed author and philosopher, Marianne Williamson reveals how we each can become a miracle worker by accepting the God within u...More at Buy.com Marketplaces
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