mcheadcase's Full Review: Rock N Roll Jesus [PA] by Kid Rock
I tried to like this album. I really wanted to. But I just couldn't....
Kid Rock is one of those artists that everyone just loves to hate. And even though I'm a longtime fan of the guy, I'd say that they have valid reasons to hate him: he's an egomaniacal dipshit who think he's better than he really is. But even so, that's what makes him so memorable -- nobody talks as much shit as he does. Of course, everybody knows he came out in the early 90s as a hardcore rapper that gradually adapted rock and roll into his style (a la the Beastie Boys), eventually hitting it big in 1999 with his rock/rap opus, "Devil Without a Cause". But after he blew up, he started to stray from his Hip-Hop roots. When he came out with "Cocky" in 2001, he tried to add country into his repertoire, which was greeted with mixed reactions; his core fans were thrown off, but country fans seemed to like the new Kid rock, especially when he released "Picture" as a single that became a major hit. When he thought it was expected of him to venture further into country after "Picture" hit, he released 2003's self-titled "Kid Rock", which carried even more of a southern rock vibe and pretty much left rap behind aside from two or three songs. Either way, Kid Rock's fatal flaw is that no matter what genre he tackles, he's been singing the same songs recycled for years, hence why nobody in the public really looked at him as a true talent. That's why I was so excited for his new album, "Rock N Roll Jesus". In 2006, he came out in interviews and said he wanted to make, and I quote, "a timeless rock and roll record", so there would be no rap or country on it. He also originally stated that the album would be produced by the legendary Rick Rubin. Unfortunately, Rock and Rubin's schedules were too conflicting and eventually, Rubin was demoted to 'consultant' while the production was handled by Rob Cavallo, best known for his work with Green Day. Even so, Rock still described the album in interviews as "stadium rock to the bone" so it sounds like he was finally moving away from everything that he had been pigeonholed to in the past to make that one album that showcases his true talent and earns the respect of everyone that ever slighted him. Unfortunately, that did not turn out to be the case; yet another haphazard mix of rock, country, and rap, "Rock N Roll Jesus" is hardly the return to form that I expected it to be.
As big of a Kid Rock fan as I am, I had my doubts from the beginning, especially when the lead single, "So Hott", was first released. It was described by Rock in interviews as 'strip club banger'; while it certainly sounds like something you'd hear in a club, it is definitely NOT a banger. The lyrics are very poor, even for Kid Rock's standards ("You got a body like the devil and you smell like sex"? Come on, man!), and on top of that, the song contains some of the thinnest and most horribly bland guitar riffs I've heard in quite some time. I don't even think Nickelback could write a song this bad. What would motivate him to write such a trashy piece of garbage? Well, for those who don't know, Rock is apparently a big fan of Buckcherry's hit song "Crazy Bitch", even covering it in concert as early as the middle of last year. So basically you can see Rock tried to write his own version of Buckcherry's hit. But as mindless as "Crazy Bitch" was, at least it was catchy; Rock's song is an obvious rip-off that comes off blander than it normally would. The songs even has a similar hook line: "You're so hot, I don't wanna be your friend / I wanna fuck you like I'm never gonna see you again" (whereas the hook line for Buckcherry's song was "Hey, you're crazy bitch / but you fuck so good, I'm on top of it"). Instead of bringing back the feeling of pure classic rock like he wanted to, "So Hott" feels like a terrible attempt at a radio hit. Ironically enough, I've heard this played on the radio probably two or three times since it was released -- so much for good promotion. One song you could've easily swapped for the first single is "Sugar", which brings him back to his rock/rap roots. When I first heard the album, "Sugar" was actually one of my favorite cuts cause it showed Rock doing what made him famous. But the shine wore off quickly, as I realized his emceeing now is a far cry from his "Devil Without a Cause" days. If you want proof, just check out these embarrassing lyrics: "Bad like Brutus, hit like Joe Louis / I got lots of cash but I'm not Jewish / I'm not no nudist, I'm fully clothed / and I fuck hot pussy until its cold". If that wasn't bad enough, he takes the time later on to rhyme 'Fonzie', 'Yahtzee', and 'Nazi'. It's as if Kid Rock strayed so far from his Hip-Hop roots that he can't even write a decent rhyme anymore.
One of Rock's biggest problems is that he wears his influences too loosely on his sleeve, and it sounds like even his original songs are covers of older tunes. This became evident on the self-titled CD but even though they sounded like other people's songs, they were good enough to listen to and enjoy. But by showing his influences too much, he adds to the general consensus that he's more of a recycler than an originator. Unfortunately, I have to say this album does not help his case, as he continues to borrow endlessly from his classic rock influences. And what makes it especially sad is that time around, the songs aren't even that good. "All Summer Long" finds Rock waxing nostalgic about a chick he met in the summer of '89. It's not necessarily a bad song, but you can easily tell that his intent was to write his own version of Bob Seger's "Night Moves". If that wasn't enough, the song is pretty much based off of other classic rock songs; he borrows the piano riff from "Werewolves of London" and the guitar riff of "Sweet Home Alabama". The mash-up works better than it should, but if he really wanted to make it a better song, he would've written his own tune instead of just borrowing from other rock songs. It gets worse with "Roll On", an easy listening tune about leaving behind your past and growing up to be a better person. It's bad enough that he's already covered this type of subject in previous songs, but the song as a whole sounds too much like something Seger would write, from the cliched lyrics to the simple guitars backed with cheesy saxophones. Rock attempts to bare his soul, but he falls short of delivering anything truly memorable. Seger isn't the only rip-off victim here. "New Orleans"finds Rock's showing love to the Big Easy with heavily jazz-influenced jam session, complete with a drum machine, trumpets, guitars, jazzy pianos, saxophones, back-up singers, and lyrics sung in the 12-bar blues format. It comes across as a very sloppy attempt at a CCR-styled big band performance. Rock even adapts a faux southern accent in an attempt to sound like John Fogerty, but it sounds more like somebody kicked him in the nuts before he went into the vocal booth. Steve Miller is also a victim of Rock's plagiarism, as the chorus of "Don't Tell Me You Love Me" (which is actually one of the more enjoyable songs on the album) directly rips off the chorus of Miller's hit song "The Joker". The lack of originality is what makes this record so much of a disappointment.
While people lambasted the self-titled CD for having too many ballads, there are even more ballads on this record. We find Rock trying to play into the sympathy factor even more than he did last time, and it bugs the hell out of me. Many of Rock's newer fans seem to be praising the country ballad "Blue Jeans and a Rosary" (originally titled "Miss Understood") as a triumph, with some even saying that it'll do what "Picture" did for "Cocky". I'd beg to differ though, cause while "Picture" was at least a good song, "Blue Jeans" just sucks. It takes the tired old tale of 'bad guy meets good girl that doesn't care that he's bad' that we've heard in countless songs (not to mention seen in countless television dramas) and adds in a few tired 'countrified' elements, like a mix of violins and slide guitars, to make one big cliched ballad that tries way too hard to appeal to today's saddened state of country fans. In terms of Rock's previous country ballads, it doesn't hold a candle to "Picture" or even "Cold and Empty" (which I think is better than "Picture" anyway). As a matter of fact, the guitar solo after the second chorus is more or less an exact replica of the solo in "Cold and Empty", which just shows his redundancy and illustrates the same point I made earlier about him recycling the same song over and over again. "When You Love Someone" is a little bit better, but not too much; it's another by-the-numbers love song that relies heavily on cliches to get its point across. Rock tries to breathe some life into it with guitar solos, loud organs, and a gospel choir at the end to make it sound powerful, but it just sounds self-indulgent and uninteresting. Ironically enough, in the second verse of that song, he asks "Can you forgive someone or will you hold a grudge?". He answers his own question later on in the album with "Half Your Age", a direct attack on ex-wife Pamela Anderson. You thought "So Hott" was a bad song, you just wait till you hear this: it's Kid Rock's attempt at an old-school styled honky tonk jam, with disastrous results. Rock puts on his best country accent possible and sings to Pam about a new girl he's with that's so much better. It's extremely immature and he comes off sounding like a real dick. And what's the song's punchline? "She's half your age ... and twice as hot!". Two words: FUCKING LAME!
That's not to say this album is a complete waste. There are a few moments of levity that actually show Rock's talent and give us an idea of how much better the album could've sounded with more work. Opening the album is the title track "Rock N Roll Jesus", a no-holds barred anthem where Rock proclaims the return of classic rock over a broken-up metal riff and blaring trumpets. Rock sounds surprisingly believable as the preacher in this electric church, as a lively gospel choir backs him while he sings the chorus: "Testify, it's a rock revival / don't need a suit, you don't need a bible / get up and dance, I'm gonna set you free!" It has the attitude and power that you originally expected when Rock spoke of 'classic arena rock' in the interviews. At the very least, it's everything "So Hott" should've (and could've) been. The next track is a complete change of pace, but it turns out to be one of the best songs Rock has ever written. "Amen" is Rock's attempt at introspection, as he covers such subjects as racism, starving children, religious hypocrisy, and soldiers at war. Based around an acoustic guitar riff and a piano accompaniment, and once again backed by the gospel choir, it's a Bic-flicker anthem of the highest quality. And even if Rock doesn't have the introspective writing abilities of Bob Dylan or Bruce Springsteen, he's got that same kind of heartfelt sentiment that you just can't help but admire. Thankfully, after all the garbage after "Amen" that you hear in the above paragraphs, the album also ends on a high note, with a bluesy cover of "Lowlife (Living the Highlife)". Even though it was originally written by John Eddie, it just sounds like a song Rock would've written in his heyday. The song is satirical outlook on rednecks, painting them as dirtbags who do despicable things. While it is sure to raise a few eyebrows with cats who have no sense of humor, it's a hilariously clever satire where the lyrics like this steal the show: "I've got kids I've never seen / and they momma's seventeen". Backed by a horn section and bluesy guitar licks, the song is lively and exuberant old school styled rock and roll -- exactly what this album SHOULD'VE sounded like all the way through.
When someone dubs themselves the "Rock N Roll Jesus", they're certainly proclaiming something they can not take back. It's obvious that Kid Rock is not a shy person, so when he says proclaims himself as such, he means it! And with an album title like that, you'd expect the album itself to deliver, right? Well unfortunately, it does not. Kid Rock misses the mark by a mile, cause instead of showing that he has the talent to stand beside all his idols, we find him hiding in their shadows. I mean, there's a big difference between paying homage to your influences and completely ripping them off, and on this album, Kid Rock can not (and does not) walk that line. When I listen to these songs, I don't hear Kid Rock, I hear Skynyrd, AC/DC, CCR, and so many others. Sure, he's got the right attitude but he obviously can't back it up like he says he can. I'm not expecting another album like "Devil Without a Cause"; what I was expecting was an album as groundbreaking as "Devil", perhaps something even better. I thought Kid Rock had enough talent to show the naysayers that he was everything that he said he was. It looks like I was wrong, and the three year absence had more of an affect on him than I had hoped. But hey, it doesn't matter to him that one of his most staunch supporters has now lost faith in him; Kid Rock does not give a damn what anybody thinks, cause he's rich as hell and has been able to surpass the nu-metal fad of the late 90s to becoming one of the most successful artists in recent history. But even so, until he makes that one great album that shows his talent without wearing his influences on his sleeve, people will never look at him as anything more than a recycling one-trick pony. I had said multiple times before it came out that if this album didn't live up to Rock's word then his career was over. Well, perhaps its time for the "Early Stoned motherfuckin' Pimp of the Goddamn Nation" to hang up his pimp hat for good, cause "Rock N Roll Jesus" is certainly not the 'timeless rock and roll record' that he said it would be.
FINAL RATING: 2 Stars
Track listing:
1. Rock N Roll Jesus (5 Stars)
2. Amen (5 Stars)
3. All Summer Long (3 Stars)
4. Roll On (2 1/2 Stars)
5. So Hott (0 Stars)
6. Sugar (1 Star)
7. When You Love Someone (2 Stars)
8. New Orleans (1 1/2 Stars)
9. Don't Tell Me You Love Me (3 1/2 Stars)
10. Blue Jeans and a Rosary (1 Star)
11. Half Your Age (0 Stars)
12. Lowlife (Living the Highlife) (5 Stars)
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