Guideposts beside the road
Written: Feb 18 '03 (Updated Feb 19 '03)
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Product Rating:
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Pros: not just another 'steps-of grieving' book
Cons: After reading it a million times, and crying over it, it wears out
The Bottom Line: Highly recommended. Short thoughts that ease you back into life while allowing the freedom to grieve completely.
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| javajnkie's Full Review: Safe Passage: Words to Help the Grieving Hold Fast... |
This is a book I wish no one had to read, and it's certainly one no one wants to read.
Some very kind soul sent this to me when my husband died. When the package arrived, I looked at the cover and set the book down on my desk; I was not ready to open yet another "stages of grieving" books or to read again about how to move on. My heart was broken, my body was tired, and I was fed up with people trying to tell me what to expect and how to feel.
Late that night, while wandering around in my too-quiet house and feeling like the world was caving in on me, I opened the book out of curiosity.
It would be too much to say this book saved my sanity, but at the time, that's how it felt. I've since passed my water-logged and tattered copy along to someone who needed it, so this review is based on a very emotional memory:
The book is nothing more than a collection of thoughts--none more than a page long, and most only a paragraph or a line long. It's perfect for the grief-stricken; no story to finish, no forced thoughts. Read one page and you're done, or read the entire book in one sitting, it's up to you. Safe Passage is the kind of book you can read again and again and take something new from it each time, because your state-of-mind changes each day when you're grieving.
The book is divided into sections that relate to the 'stages' of grief, but there is absolutely not one word of advice in this book or any kind of timeline. Just thoughts, organized by when (in the 'stages') they were thought.
It's not meant to be read cover-to-cover; I remember very clearly opening the book to the first section and feeling almost every word resounding inside me. I could *relate* to these thoughts--I wasn't as isolated in the world as I thought I was. That first month, whenever I flipped ahead to the end of the book, I almost laughed (or threw the book in anger). I would never feel what these people felt--I couldn't imagine a time where my first and last thought of each day wouldn't be about him. Those last chapters seemed a cruel joke. Yet as life moved on, I found that I wasn't stagnant--it didn't move without me, I moved with it. And each of those subsequent sections of the book came with me. I could relate, and it was comforting in a way I can't really explain.
It's been a while since I've read the book, and I don't have a copy anymore to provide you with greater details. I remember exactly one quote from it, and I can't even guarantee it's a direct quote:
As it turns out, "happily ever after" was the cruelest part of the fairy tale.
That sounds awful to someone who has never experienced the death of a soul mate. For me, it was comforting, in that it put to words exactly what I was feeling.
Somewhere near the end of the book, there's a line that talks about grief being like a leaky faucet. Just when you think you've 'fixed' it, it comes back and seems louder and more intense each passing night. It's true, and because of this, Safe Passage was pulled out over and over again over a span of five years. Each time, the book seemed to wrench out the tears I'd been fighting to hold back; it was my catharsis many nights.
I don't buy flowers anymore when I go to a funeral. I buy this book, and leave it for the living. Recommended.
Recommended:
Yes
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Epinions.com ID:
javajnkie
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Member: Mari Nichols-Haining
Location: Somewhere Out There, USA
Reviews written: 26
Trusted by: 22 members
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