SLIM FATS
Written: Apr 07 '05
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Product Rating:
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Pros: It was free
Cons: Vastly overpriced. Inedible to all but the most determined munchers.
The Bottom Line: Just eat a salad
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| proxam's Full Review: Slim Fast Snack Bar |
I know what you're thinking. Why in the name of all that's healthily nutritious would a hunky guy, who's obviously in the peak of physical condition, be writing a review about a slim fast bar?
Well I'm afraid I can't answer that. But I can tell you why a fat git like me is writing a review about it. I scored one of these from a freebie site. Why would I do that? because it was free (duh).
Yep, I like it when the price is right, and at zilcho spondulas, the price can't get any righter. But even so, was it worth it?
Oh the excitement. No sooner had Mr Postie dropped one through my letterbox than I skipped down the stairs like ballerina wearing deep-sea diver's boots and scooped that (hopefully) delicious little bar of dietary goodness into my grubby little mitts.
Right...
What we have here, is a low-cal, low-carb bar having just 3.5g carbs and 92 kcals in it's 27g entirety. What's the deal with low carbs anyway? When did carbohydrates become a bad thing? Piece of bloody nonsense if you ask me...oh, you didn't ask. Fair enough.
I ordered the strawberry flavour one which comes in a lime green wrapper...obviously. I know lime green's the first colour that comes to mind when I think of strawberries.
It states that it's "A Strawberry soya crisp snack bar dipped in white chocolate with sugar and sweeteners, vitamins and minerals."
On opening the wrapper and having a jolly good sniff, I can't sense much aroma at all. Nothing fruity, nothing really noticeable apart from a spooky similarity to a plain digestive biscuit - a sort of grainy, wheaty sweetness. As far as it goes, a quite pleasant aroma, if practically non-existent.
I'll just nibble off a corner and see how it tast...HELP MA BOAB! it's like feckin' concrete. You could break a tooth on this thing (if'n you had any, that is).
Anyhoo, it's um...well, it doesn't taste like concrete (I'm guessing), but I'm not really sure what it tastes like. It's supposed to be strawberry flavour...hmm, straw? OK, I'll grasp at that. Berries? Not a pip. Actually, I thought I could taste a hint of banana, but I think that's just the power of suggestion from the 'white-chocolate'-type covering - it's banana-coloured!
It tastes like nothing of this world. Or, to be more accurate it taste of nothing. It's rough, it's tough and it's like chewing gravel (can you chew gravel?). It's feckin' gash, man. YUK!
A quick look at the ingredient list to see what sort of things you can blend together and get something so horrendously horrible and...wait, there's no way I can have a quick look - the ingredient list stretches from here to there and halfway back again. I started counting them but gave up around thirty. One thing I did notice, it says: strawberry chips (1.6%) (sugar, cranberries 0.4%).
What????
No wonder I couldn't taste strawberries. Now, if I'd been looking for cranberries I'd...nah, I couldn't taste them either.
There are all sorts of warnings on this one:-
• It's made in a factory that uses: peanuts, eggs, nuts, sesame seeds and celery...celery? What's the problem with that?
• If you are an adolescent, pregnant or breast feeding, have a medical condition*, or want to lose more than 20% of your body weight, then see your doctor or dietician.
• It contains polyols to reduce carbs. Excessive consumption may have a laxative effect.
Sh1t, it all sounds a bit iffy to me.
* What do they define as a medical condition? terminal cancer? colour blindness? I think they should be a bit more specific!
Y'know? I think this probably IS a good slimming aid. Flip knows it put me off food for a while. Although, having eaten it first and read the label later, I'm not sure it's going to stay eaten. If it wasn't for the fact that I'm a greedy barstard with a constitution Corus* could be proud of, I think I'd feel quite ill.
* The company that used to be called British Steel
Even though this was free, I still feel ripped off.
AVOID!
©proxam2005
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proxam
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Location: De Leving's Toun
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Alcohol & calculus don't mix. Don't drink & derive
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