One of the first things I said, when the issue of kids came up between my husband and me, was that I did not want our children to be raised by daycare centers or babysitters. Fortunately, my husband supports that idea, and so from the start we both had that as our aim.

When it came right down to making the decision to have a child, however, we began to have some trouble. We are both planners. We love to research an issue... talk about it, research some more... put together spreadsheets and lists and charts and graphs, in elaborate detail. In this case, we were at a loss. We had only a vague idea of the financial, emotional, and logistical issues involved with having a baby and raising a child at home.

This book has been a boon in helping us to understand and account for all these issues. The book assumes, for the most part, that it is the mother who will be staying home. It has a solid basis in experience - many of the conclusions and information it contains are based on a survey with more than 300 respondents, as well as in-depth interviews with over 40 women and men. It draws heavily on the personal experiences and thoughts of these real-life examples, which lends great credibility to the work. The book is organized in three parts:

* Making the Transition from Professional to Professional Parent
* Changing Relationships: Starting Over with Your Husband, Family, Friends - and Yourself
* Looking Ahead: Taking the Next Step in Your Family Life Cycle

In addition, the appendices include *many* references to other books and magazine articles, as well as the full results of the survey.

In the first part, the "basics" are covered. Why are many people choosing to give up their second income in order to raise their children at home? What is involved in making this difficult decision? In this section the authors lay out four "ground rules" which they feel are vital to success for stay-at-home mothers:

1: Know What You Want Your Job to Be
What roles will you be focusing on? Teacher, cook, doctor, playmate, etc... which are most important to you?
2: Acknowledge Your Skills
Just because you're no longer in a "professional" environment, that doesn't mean you won't still be using very sophisticated management skills. Continue developing those skills.
3: Validate Yourself
Don't succumb to the popular conception that an at-home mother is a second-class citizen. Affirm the worth of your occupation by seeking out support.
4: Consider Yourself a Feminist
Being an at-home mother doesn't mean you're shackling yourself to the June Cleaver image - you don't have to be the household drudge. There's no reason why you can't be a modern, enlightened woman and still be a stay-at-home mother!

The second part of the book focuses on your relationships with others:
* The changing stresses on your relationship with your husband, including issues of financial dependence and division of household chores and childcare
* Firming up a new self-image - as an at-home mother, you may not be defined any longer by your previous career, so who exactly are you?
* Support groups that can help with all of the above!

Finally, the last two chapters of the book focus on expanding your horizons yet further, firstly by working to influence public policy on child care, work life, and families. Some questions it raises which you would do well to consider are: Why wasn't my husband given parental leave? Why haven't federal income tax deductions been increased to keep up with inflation? and many others. This section also addresses getting involved in the community and home-based businesses, as well as the issue of reentering the work force (if you so desire) once your child reaches a certain age.

I have found this book to be extremely helpful in defining the issues at hand so that my husband and I can discuss them well before the problems arise. It has also shown me, to an extent, what I can expect as a stay-at-home mother - so I can be prepared for those things and ready to deal with them! The tone of the book is very matter-of-fact, even scholarly, with plenty of statistics and solid information to back up the information.

If you are a stay-at-home mom, married to one, or considering becoming one, I definitely recommend that you pick up this book. You will certainly find some very worthwhile information.

Recommended: Yes