Maybe I’m being overly dramatic with my title, but I don’t think so. Any reader of Dr. Laura Schlessinger’s new book, 10 Stupid Things Couples Do To Mess Up Their Relationships, who has not been willing to grow up and leave Neverland will now face her bullet-like words and reap the consequences.

I picked up the 273-page hardback while I was for a few days incommunicato with my computer (seems the memory chips needed reseating), not expecting that relationship to be healed of course through osmosis (it required a man’s touch, as you see), but I had hoped for some pleasing softshoe with classic jazz at least! No, what am I saying? The licensed psychotherapist/author is “oh puhlease!” Dr. Laura, after all, from the infamous radio and TV talk shows.

Since I’ve read and reviewed her first two bestsellers, Ten Stupid Things Men (and Women) Do To Mess Up Their Lives, I wondered if the new one would tell me anything new. Following the same format with ten chapters, many subsections and examples from callers/writers to her radio or TV show, some of her advice only pertains to couples, but much of it I had read in the previous works. As Schlessinger still argues (and I concur), “love” is not enough and first a person must be mature before trying to make an intimate relationship fly. Combining the three books, skipping the repetition, would be my advice.

Schlessinger impressed me as even more religious-oriented here if that’s possible and ended with the directive to now go read the Bible. How annoying. What a turn-off! As if people who haven’t read it are the only ones exhibiting stupid behaviors and/or are heathens. I suggest that she specify what part of the Bible to read if she doesn’t want to offend anyone, although maybe that was her ill-advised intent.


Contents


Chapter One: Stupid Secrets

Compelling chapter about the difference between keeping secrets (in fear of rejection) and being private (no fear of the past).

Chapter Two: Stupid Egotism

When one person only considers his own wants and needs in the relationship and blames the other for not giving him those. A “me’ mentality instead of “we.”

Chapter Three: Stupid Pettiness

All you want to do is complain, nag, manipulate and become jealous about trivial matters because you’re insecure with yourself as well as the relationship.

Chapter Four: Stupid Power

You both want to be in control all of the time and bicker about everything, such as who who works more and deserves to spend the money. Not a team effort.

Chapter Five: Stupid Priorities

Working too much or spending time on hobbies or other things apart from your wife and family so you escape building intimacy and maturity.

Chapter Six: Stupid Happiness

You’re unhappy because the relationship bores you or doesn’t make you feel good, but it’s your fault for being boring and looking for outside stimulation.

Chapter Seven: Stupid Excuses

Everyone else is to blame for your mistakes or problems because you fear knowing your weaknesses and taking responsibility for them. You fear rejection if not perfect.

Chapter Eight: Stupid Liasons

You can’t let go of friends and relatives that drag down your relationship and confuse your priorities, which should always be your spouse and kids.

Chapter Nine: Stupid Mismatch

Repetitively-worded behavior that means you realize you’re in a bad relationship, but you stay in it anyway because you don’t want to be wrong about the person.

Chapter Ten: Stupid Breakups

Letting other people with agendas convince you that your relationship is not good for you and you deserve better. Schlessinger attacks feminists for “self-fulfillment” baloney.


Final Bullets


Dr. Laura shoots from the hip with a lot of well-aimed shots, such as needing a return to old-fashioned courtship where both families get to know each other over a couple of years and no sex to distract the couple. Infatuation and lust last a year to eighteen months and marriage, not until you’re at least 25, shouldn’t even be considered for two years.

With my biker sweetie, we’ve focused on being friends and building trust and emotional/spiritual intimacy without sex for several years. It can be done if there’s love and the belief that making love is sacred rather than a casual encounter; although he’s made his stupid mistakes with others, I don’t need to and just wait for him to mature more (almost 25). I don’t expect him to be perfect, to be just like me, to complete me, to entertain me, to rescue me or to read my mind. I do expect a desire to communicate, to support or guide me, to work together, to be responsible for his behavior and happiness, to build spiritual/emotional intimacy, to be honest and not fear rejection from me. He can expect the same from me and by doing so the “ten stupid behaviors” are bypassed.

So I have no problem with Schlessinger's high moral standards, but I do not feel that religion needs to be shoved down anyone’s throat in order to be moral. Having a religious and charismatic (filled with the spirit) background, I’ve realized that values/standards come with a craving for inner peace or maturity and must be one's choice.

You’re free to choose this book, too. Dr. Laura's earlier ones could be enough without messing with this one, but then they don’t warn you against the lure of cyberrelationships like this one does and we all know how bad computers can be! Imagine the suffering I’ve gone through for a few days just because of its faulty memory!



Recommended: Yes