Why, that-guy? Why? Why would you ever read The Bridges of Madison County. The answer is not a good one. I was encouraged to. Luckily, the person who encouraged me was fairly understanding of my take on it.

Confession: I have not seen the Clint Eastwood movie and understand that some of my complaints could be fixed easily when transferred to the silver screen.

Offender: Before entering a career as a writer based on the success of Bridges, Robert James Waller was a professor of management at the University of Northern Iowa. Can you name four other Waller books from his illustrious career? Hm? There's a reason for that. (Just in case this question appears on Millionaire: Slow Waltz in Cedar Bend, Old Songs in a New Cafe, Border Music, Puerto Vallarta Squeeze).

It's Popular=It's Good: On the matter of taste, popularity is often cited as pure objective arbiter. Lots of people can't be wrong (like when people supported slavery, death camps, and capital punishment). Unlike most cultural snobs, I quite like much of the trendy stuff (I've Mmm...bopped) because fads at their core have a basic appeal. (Un)Fortunately, often once that basic appeal is sated, the fad disappears into the annuals of time. Some fads are harmless (pet rock, anyone?) but some come with ugly cultural baggage (Sambo).

Fairy Tale: What's that appeal got to do with Bridges? Simply put, I think this rotten book's appeal comes from a very basic use of the time tested myth of the damsel in distress who is rescued by the handsome prince. But here the knight in shining armor is a photographer (how do we know--uh, he carries a Nikon and snaps pictures) and the damsel is a housewife, plagued not by a dragon but distressed by boredom. I don't have a problem with audiences who find this myth appealing (though it would seem a set back for the women's movement), but I do have a problem with this inept writer being foisted on the public by corporate marketing.

The Book, cough, cough: Called a novel, it's more a novelle, barely over 170 pages--the better to save money on printing costs--set in large type on small pages. Set between a frame story (utterly forgettable) employed to give the reader a sense of being privy to a real event, voyeurism at it's best--one of my acquaintances actually tried to find the characters from the novel in the real world using the internet, convinced Waller could never have made the story up. She was half right: Waller didn't make up the story, he just changed the details in a story old as time (how old is time, anyway?), like changing the colors in a paint by number.

The Oh-So Complicated Plot: First, if you're going to read this book, don't. Second, if you aren't going to listen to me, skip this part and read on to find out more about why you shouldn't read this book. Francesca is a bored housewife married to Richard (forget him--Waller does) who has an affair with a new and exciting photographer (How do we know? He carries a Nikon and snaps pictures) called Robert Kincaid. Note: not Robert, but Robert Kincaid, like James, James Bond; for the slow reader, two names means he's different. The two adulterers fall in love. But then instead of going off with the exciting man, Frannie, as her unexciting husband calls her, decides to stay because of her "responsibilities." Later she regrets it and finds out Robert never loves again. Why? Because it's more romantic that the knight goes off and dies of unrequited love than settles down with the damsel and becomes the unexciting husband of everyday life.

Fiction Writing 101: I found this book good for only one thing: as an excellent primer for those who want to become writers themselves. Just look at these valuable lessons I learned.

1. Characterization-Uh, I got this character who I want to be different. Hm, well I gave him two names and I made him a photographer (by making him carry a Nikon and snap some pictures). I guess I should describe him in some different way, too. What about calling him a "dead-end branch of evolution." Now, that's description. I'll just repeat that one phrase over and over and over. Wait maybe I'll through in something really original like the "last cowboy." Oh man, that's hot stuff. Dude I'm like that Shakespeare guy.

2. How to simplify a morally ambiguous issue: Excuse what your character does and have the other characters accept it; that way your reader doesn't have to do any thinking and doesn't get confused over how they should feel about the character. Francesca to her children on her affair: "If you love me, then you must love what I have done." Mom, I killed my brother but if you love me, then you must love what I have done. Waller told me so.

3. Theme-Make astonishing philosophical statements by asserting bland generalizations about the sexes: "In a way, women were asking for men to be poets and driving, passionate lovers at the same time. Women saw no contradiction in that. Men did." Now, that's brilliant, what in-depth analysis of the complex way women and men view each other.

If that-guy could impose his will on everyone--and you know it's only a matter of time.

Read instead:
Emily Bronte, Wuthering Heights
Gustave Flaubert, Madame Bovary
D. H. Lawrence, Lady Chatterley's Lover
William Styron, Sophie's Choice



Recommended: No