Do You Want To Get Married? (No, Not to me, Silly!)
Written: Apr 25 '01 (Updated May 17 '01)
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Product Rating:
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Pros: Some sound advice and recommendations
Cons: Focus on marriage as a goal still leaves me a bit cold.
The Bottom Line: It's not for me, but it's not completely worthless and might be perfect for some.
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| KateTPZ's Full Review: Aggie Jordan - The Marriage Plan: How to Marry You... |
Disclaimer: Getting married is not one of my life goals. I've "been there, done that." My marriage lasted 12 years before ending badly, and I'm certainly not anti-marriage. It just isn't a priority. I've got my boys to raise, a career, and lots of great friends. If the right man stumbles (well, I'd rather he not stumble, exactly!)) into my life somewhere along the way, that will be like icing on the cake. But I'm enjoying my cake just the same.
So you're probably wondering how I happened upon The Marriage Plan: How to Marry Your Soul Mate in a Year - Or Less by Aggie Jordan. I'll tell, but please don't spread this around, okay?
My best friend, who is also a single parent, called one evening to invite me to a seminar. What was the topic of the seminar? Marriage. (Hmmm, thinking, gee Tracy, that doesn't sound like fun.) I went anyway. It was a rare free evening, the boys were otherwise occupied, and it was inexpensive. I figured it would be good for a laugh, if nothing else.
I was way wrong! Aggie Jordan, Ph. D., is a very interesting and dynamic woman. She shared her story and then launched into her presentation of "The Marriage Plan." It's not that I was overly impressed, but I felt compelled to buy the book on the way out. I've read it twice since that seminar two years ago, never with serious thoughts of taking the book's advice and actively setting out to find my soul mate, but always with an open mind.
The Marriage Plan consists of the following fourteen steps. I will expand on a few of them and share my thoughts about what I find valuable. Note that the seminar was co-ed although the book is directed toward women. Substitute "women" for "men" if appropriate for you.
1 - Set your goal to get married
2 - Set a deadline that is no longer than a year
3 - Draw a profile of the kind of man you want
4 - Send Your Message
5 - Get support from a friend
6 - Focus on your profile; Don't date low profilers
7 - Be open and direct. Don't play games
8 - Trust that he'll come into your life
9 - Develop intimacy and friendship
10 - Fall in love; Be in love
11 - Tell him your goal
12 - Get a commitment early in the relationship
13 - Don't have sex before commitment
14 - Get married by your deadline
OK, it sounds easy enough, right?!
Steps one and two - setting the goal and a deadline within one year - are based on Aggie Jordan's background as a professional trainer (of goal setting, among other things) and her own experience in finding and marrying her husband. Personally, I think one year is too fast for most people, at least it would be too fast for me.
As I mentioned earlier, I've never thought of marriage as something I aspired to have. Instead I've always felt that if I found the right man, a true soul mate, then I might decide I wanted to spend my life with him, thus at that point marriage to him would become a goal. Aggie Jordan sees it differently. She says:
Most women don't have a plan to get married. They fall in love then decide on whether the fit is right. It's too late when they're emotionally hooked and can't make a reasonable judgement on whether that mate is good for them.
I have to admit, she makes a good point. It's still not my way, but it does make sense.
Step 3 - Draw a profile of the kind of man you want is, in my opinion, the most important information in the book. She talks about listing the core values that you want in a mate. These core values are the essentials - the characteristics, traits, beliefs, and habits that are absolutely essential to you. This may include religion, communication style, honesty and integrity, respect for uncommon interests. It certainly makes sense that it's harder to find what you're looking for if you yourself haven't examined what that is.
Steps 4 and 5 are fuzzy - you'd have to read the book to understand them - I've read it twice, and attended the author's seminar, and they are still unclear and seem somewhat "hocus pocus" to me.
Steps 6 and 7 have to do with dating, specifically not dating people who do not match your desired profile. If you know you could never marry someone of a different religion, for example, and you happen to meet someone of a different religion, don't date him; don't waste your time. There's no point falling in love with the wrong person. (Where was Aggie Jordan when I was dating my ex-husband?! Just Kidding.) I suppose if your sole purpose in dating is, as Aggie Jordan believes, to interview potential mates, this makes a lot of sense. However I've found that dating is much more - it's getting to know myself by getting to know other people, experiencing things I might not have experienced on my own, broadening my horizons. And having fun.
The last step I'll address is step 13 - don't have sex before there's a commitment. I can hear some of you groaning already - what old-fashioned advice! This is such a personal issue. My own feeling is that, often, when sex comes into a relationship, learning about each other and growing together can be halted or at least slowed. Sex in an uncommitted relationship can blur things, especially since men and women often view sex differently and have different expectations.
The Marriage Plan - Overall
I'm not completely comfortable with treating marriage, or even finding my soul mate, as a personal goal or objective. Perhaps I'm too romantic in nature - I believe when it's meant to happen it will happen. Others may feel differently, however, and for them, this book could be a terrific guide. Even though marriage isn't a goal for me, I did find much in the book useful.
This is a well-written book with many real-life stories which help to illustrate the points. This plan worked for the author and the book begins with her story and her husband's story. It's interesting reading.
If you have a desire to get married to your soul mate in a year or less, this book just might help! Tracy and I both decided the plan wasn't for us, but a mutual friend followed it. It took her 14 months to get to the engagement, but I'll be going to her wedding in June!
Recommended:
Yes
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Epinions.com ID:
KateTPZ
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Member: Kate
Location: North Carolina
Reviews written: 126
Trusted by: 80 members
About Me:
40-something Mom of two great kids and aspiring author in my "spare" time.
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