I would wish for my child that all the books I read to him were ones that had happy endings and uplifting morals. I would wish that all the books he read show people who are filled with kindness and love for each other.

Unfortunately, I would be doing a disservice to him if I restricted his reading so—even at a very young age. There are some books that are unfortunate necessities. They are important, and that’s a shame. One of these books is The Right Touch by Sandy Kleven, LCSW. It is a book that works with adults to help prevent abuse and teaches children what to do if someone tries to abuse them.

Jimmy Learns About Touching

The story begins with Jimmy and his mom. She is tucking him in bed and they are engaging in what looks to be a playful routine. She tickles his tummy, gives hugs, and nibbles on his ear. But when Jimmy asks her to stop, she does. He then says he doesn’t really want her to stop, but she tells him she wants to talk to him about touching problems. They discuss what kind of touching is bad: if she’d refused to stop tickling him, when the dog licks his face, or when a bully holds you down. This somewhat lighthearted discussion turns serious as Jimmy’s mom tells Jimmy a story about a little girl.

A little girl was tricked by a neighbor. He invited her into the house to see some kittens. She went inside, and there were no kittens. She got an uncomfortable feeling and then he tried to put his hand down her panties. Jimmy asks if she got away and what they did to the man. His mom answers, “He got into big trouble. What he did is wrong. It’s against the law, too. He will have to learn never to do anything like that again.”

Jimmy asks why someone would want to do that to a little kid, and his mother his honest in answering that she doesn’t know or understand.

The book then talks about warning signs and encouraging children to trust any uncomfortable feelings they get. They discuss how one warning sign is an adult asking a child to keep a touch a secret and another is when an adult doesn’t stop when asked to.

Jimmy’s mom shows him two pictures, one of a naked girl and one of a naked boy and discusses what parts are private. The pictures are shown to the reader as well and the body parts are left unlabeled so that the caretakers reading the book can explain the parts using whatever terms are most comfortable to them. It is an opportunity to discuss with our children in a nonthreatening way about their body parts and what is private.

They then talk about good reasons to allow other people to touch those private parts. Examples include letting doctors or nurses examine you, having a caretaker change a diaper or wash a very young child, or letting an adult fix a sore.

Jimmy and his mom then practice telling someone to stop and his mom assures him that “touching problems are never a child’s fault.”

The book then ends on a sweet note:

“Kisses and cuddles I like a lot,
but when I say no, please touch me not.”

Note to parents

This book also comes with an extensive note to parents and teachers, telling them how they can use the book to prevent abuse and how to respond to a child if he or she reports abuse. Six tips the book expounds upon are:

1. Believe the child.
2. Assure the child that it was right to tell them and that the abuse was not his or her fault.
3. Don’t confront the accused offender.
4. Request assistance from the police, sheriff, or child protection agency.
5. Call the Childhelp USA Hotline at 1-800-4-A-CHILD.
6. Use the Internet to find a vast network of resources to help deal with this unfortunate but all too-common problem.

Author and Illustrator

The author, Sandy Kleven, is a licensed clinical social worker who has worked for the Center for Peace Counseling Services in Valdez, Alaska. She has a great passion for this topic as is evidenced by the rest of her life work. While many books are created because a writer was looking for a topic, this book was written because she had the topic and needed the medium. She has developed and tested prevention curriculum based on hundreds of workshops on child abuse. She also created an Emmy Award-winning docudrama called “The Touching Problem.” She’s also directed the SOAPbox Players, a prevention theatre group in Bellingham, Washington. She said that she wrote The Right Touch for caregivers.

The illustrator, Jody Bergsma, began doing illustrations when she was in her mid-teens. She is the creator of the whimsical Dreamkeepers, and the same element of whimsy is evident throughout The Right Touch. Her illustrations make many of the points even more poignant the words do. If you want to see more of her art, you can check out her Web site at www.bergsma.com.

Unfortunate Necessities

The Right Touch was a selection of the Parent Council LTD. It’s a book that can help us protect our children. I found the book painful to pick up, as the mother in me wants to deny that anything as horrible as sexual abuse will ever happen to my bright-eyed boy. Yet, reading this book reassured me. It was neither frightening nor naïve. It will not give a child nightmares or make a child afraid of every stranger. But it also doesn’t sugar-coat the topic or make inferences that are beyond the ability of a child to decipher.

This book is an important one—whether a parent purchases it or just borrows it from the library. It’s a book that every child should hear at least once, and every parent at least twice. With good fortune, a child will never have to say no and never have that uncomfortable feeling that signals something is wrong. But if someone does prey on my child, I want him to know how to get out of the situation before worse harm is done. And if the worse happens, I want him to know that he can tell me and never be blamed or hurt for it.

This book sells for $15.95 and is earmarked for children ages 3 to 7.




Recommended: Yes