Tiny Love Fly n Drive Super Car Bar: Better Than a Tijuanan Donkey Show
Written: Jun 12 '03 (Updated Jun 13 '03)
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Product Rating:
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Pros: Seriously dope construction
Cons: Does not come with any laydeez
The Bottom Line: This product goes very well with Revlon ColorStay Overtime Lipcolor
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| Mr.Eyore's Full Review: Tiny Love Super Car Bar Fly N Drive |
For damn near 15 years, I’ve been a devoted fan of the Tiny Love brand of “Condominimums”. Before Tiny Love came out with their speciality products in June 1989, guys like me had no choice but to tie off unlubricated Kimono prophylactics with a piece of kite string. Maybe one of those little orthodontal rubber-bands if you had one handy. But the Tiny Love brand of french letters finally made it possible for those of us who are “differently hefted” in the penile region to engage in safe coitus without our twigs turning purple from lack of circulation. So I for one have a real devotion to the company.
That’s why, in my house, there was much jubilation the day we found out that Tiny Love was expanding their product line to include a whole array of lifestyle products. Let’s face it, if you’re the functional opposite of Ron Jeremy (but with all the Hedgehog’s less interesting features intact), even the fact that you can now efficaciously cover your johnsonette isn’t exactly going to get the ladies up on it. And it doesn’t get any easier if, like me, you lack a sense of humor, keen wit, intelligence, confidence, a compassionate heart or gainful employment. You’ve got to be able to sell yourself with something, and for me, the hope is I can sell a certain style of life. Just like P Diddy, I wanted to be able to show the honeys a good time by letting them hang with me around the pool at a cool monochromatically themed Florida mansion, bop down the street with me in a tricked out Escalade, and drink Crystal in dark nightclubs with lasers and lots and lots of mirror balls.
But I don’t have any of those things either: The Mansion, the SUV or the ability to get past bouncers at cool clubs.
Tiny Love understands that, which is why they’ve given me the next best thing. Cool, cheap toys that will set me apart from the other guys while helping me get chicks drunk enough to sleep with me.
The Tiny Love Fly-n-Drive Super Car Bar is the cutting edge of mixology technology, ergonomically designed with both your drinking and your driving in mind. It holds eight ounces each of up to six different liquors, a liter apiece of two different chilled mixers, and nearly a pony keg’s worth of your favorite malt liquor or fruity cider. The chillification element is powered by your car’s cigarette lighter, and it keeps your drinks at a nice, cool 42 degrees. For an extra ten bucks, you can purchase an attachment that allows your Tiny Love Car Bar to share Freon with the car’s engine, so you never have to replace the bar’s vital fluids.
The Tiny Love Car Bar comes equipped with a jigger, 2 shot glasses, two cognac snifters, two pint glasses and a three foot PVC tube to attach to the pony keg. All of the glasses are made from unbreakable, highly processed, petroleum products which won’t melt at under 300 degrees, so they’re dishwasher safe. The mixing area is molded from a single piece of high-density plastic (in Cherry Red, Dirt McGirt Black or Venti Mocha Latte) and the resultant tensile strength means you can set a whole person right up on the top of the thing, and perhaps have them move around a little, without it breaking off from the dashboard.
The Tiny Love Fly-n-Drive Super Car Bar is advertised at BabyAnt.com for $28.00, which is an amazing deal, 'cause I paid almost $300 for mine, from makeyourownd!ldo.com, which, in the past, has provided me with some pretty good lifestyle product deals. So, I don't know what's going on there with BabyAnt.com, but if that deal's for real, you should really get up on it while it lasts.
In conclusion, the Tiny Love Fly-n-Drive Super Car Bar is a fantastic product, that hasn’t yet gotten me any, but I have high hopes. Also, if you mostly take the bus, this product will not really work for you, and you may want to try, like, a brown paper bag with a bottle of Alize or Redrum instead.
Thanks for reading. Eyore (c) 2003.
Recommended:
Yes
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Epinions.com ID:
Mr.Eyore
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Reviews written: 129
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I come for the pervasive sense of elitist self-importance and semi-witty expressions of faux camaraderie
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