Treks Not Taken is a trek that shouldn’t have been taken. This book appeared on my desk as part of Ruin13’s campaign to bury me in books. Every time she comes across one that could be interesting as she’s sorting she hands it off to me. Much of the time I toss them back, but this one intrigued me. I’ve been reading a lot of fan fiction lately and I had decided that it couldn’t possibly be worse than that.

Well, yes it can. The cover reads "What if Stephen King, Anne Rice, Kurt Vonnegut, and other literary greats had written episodes of Star Trek: The Next Generation." That should have been my first clue. I like Stephen King and all, but I don’t think he’s a literary great. (And I’m pretty sure he'd be the first to agree with me.) And Anne Rice. Pfft, fugedabboudit. At least they didn’t list Jackie Collins on the cover as a "literary great." Good heavens.

And the stories are not so much these authors writing episodes of ST:TNG as the characters being thrown into the authors’ books. Now let me just say that the plots and styles of the various authors are reproduced admirably, it’s the Star Trek that’s lost. The first story, The Crusher In the Rye, sounds very accurate to Salinger, but it’s not Wesley Crusher in any sense. The same goes for the rest of the stories. Lady Fed is a Jackie Collins novel in all its smarmy glory, but it’s not Deanne Troi. Jurassic Trek is darned funny for the skewering it gives Michael Crichton (who, I’m sorry, is also not literary in any sense, despite what he thinks.) And Moby Trek (Abridged) is marvelous for the abridgements (believe me, if you’ve read Melville, this is worth reading for the "take that!" factor.) The Stephen King story isn't so good. I could have done a better job (think the Enterprise as Christine. Hmm.)

So next time you’re in Borders, pick it up. Read the stories by the authors you’d like to see parodied and then put it back on the shelf. It’s not worth buying.


Recommended: No