From her humble beginnings as a Fashion Model, Barbie's been a lot of things - Registered Nurse, Astronaut, TV News Reporter and Diplomat - with each career being more unbelievable than the next.
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Over the years I have pondered how gullible Mattel must think we all are to believe that someone who graduates every year (I gather from the Learning Annex) could actually have so many careers requiring higher education and brains. They have prided themselves in separating truth from fiction by never allowing product tie-in dolls that would show Barbies true skill set.
Dolls like Hooter Hottie Barbie, and Barker Beauty Barbie have always been pushed aside in favor of the Delusional Dream Doll line. Well, that was the case until recently. A doll has finally been released that shows Barbies true roots (literally and figuratively) and the career she was destined to have - Honk n Holler Honey.
Sure, this fantastic Barbie isn't actually a Barbie at all, and isn't really released by Mattel - but does that really matter, does it make her any less loveable? I think not, and in fact I think that Arsenic and Apple Pie's Trailer Trash Barbie is the most realistic, correctly career oriented Barbie that has been released in years.
If you think the stock market should have a fence around it or that a family reunion is the place to meet your next mate have I got the doll for you. Originally for sale in the Holiday 2003 Urban Outfitters catalog, Arsenic and Apple Pie's Trailer Trash Barbie has quickly become my favorite underachieving, over proportioned fashion doll. A hybrid mix of Daisy Duke and Ellen Barkin in Drop Dead Gorgeous - this little holler honey has it all - dead end career, booty shorts and a double wide - she's the kind of gal you can take home mom, well because she already lives in your house.
Trailer Trash Barbie isn't exactly the kind of doll you give to your kids to play with - unless of course you encourage dropping out of school, smoking and drinking. She's not exactly the role model Barbie has become (whoops I choked as I typed that one). Her hobbies include drinking, smoking and spitting, her life's goal is a Vegas Wedding (how Britney of her), and she hopes one day to be abducted by aliens so she can be reunited with her mom - on fun scale, I'd say she's the better bet to hang out with.
So what exactly does this 11 1/2" fashion faux pas have that the real Barbie doesn't - let's break it down.
They are both 11 1/2" inches high and both have pointed feet - I suppose hers got stuck that way having to wear hand me down shoes and having to tip toe through the pig pen to get to the outhouse - you're almost sure this little lady has never experienced indoor plumbing - or at least any real indoor plumbing - an empty Crisco can in the corner doesn't count.
She is the same shoe size as Barbie, which leads me to believe in the world of fashion dolls there is a direct correlation between shoe size and intelligence - Mattel just wants you to believe otherwise. Trailer Trash Barbie might be inclined to borrow some of Barbie's shoes, but it might take a lot of slides to actually make one big enough to go down. She comes with a pair of red mid-calf cowboy boots - perfect for weddings, funerals and formal functions.
Just like the real one, Trailer Trash Barbie comes to you with a deep dark tan - possibly because she can't afford sunscreen or thinks that leathery skin is a turn on, but more than likely it's not tan, but a month's worth of soot and grime - washing day is the last Sunday of the month and mine was shipped the previous Friday, so she never got her turn.
Her long legs bend at the knee and are rubberized like a real Barbie, which could make dressing her a challenge. Lucky for me she came in her Sunday best so I never have to worry about changing her - she's got on acid washed daisy dukes and what I find very comical - a pair of white granny panties (at first I thought how can she be more modest than Barbie and then realized those might not be granny panties, but perhaps Depends - which she needs to wear because of all the litter of young ins she's already squeezed out).
Just like her best friend Barbie, Trailer Trash Barbie has an incredibly small waist - which seems almost unbelievable when you realize she was raised on a diet of meatwiches, Oleo, government cheese and beer and she gave birth to her first child at the end of third grade - perhaps there is something to be said for the inbred gene pool.
Trailer Trash Barbie also has incredibly large, incredibly perfect chest - which might just be possible after all those babies, if you use your prize sow as a wet nurse. This little lady knows how to cover up, and she's crafty to boot - she's fashioned a red and white checked tablecloth into a sleeveless, halter top that cinches below the boobs (at least she had the good sense to use the cotton tablecloth, because the vinyl one might cause some chafing).
Quick side note - unlike some Barbie dolls, her arms don't bend at the elbow - while that does make smoking and beer guzzling a challenge, it does make it easier to stick out her arm for all the government handouts she's entitled to. Her arms rotate kind of oddly in the socket, but when you daddy is also your brother, what can you expect - not much!
Trailer Trash Barbie comes equipped to smoke and spit (two of her favorite hobbies). While a can of chew is not included, you do get a tiny lit cigarette (off brand of course). It fits snugly into the right side of her mouth - that's the smokin side - should you feel the need for nicotine, the tiny butt does come out, so you and she can share a smoke (and who doesn't want that special bonding experience with their fashion doll?). On the left side of her mouth you'll she's missing a tooth or two, so that's her spittin side.
[I probably shouldn't admit this, but for an extra oomph I have borrowed and modified some tiny "cigarettes" from my immense stash of smoking monkeys (anyone recall that awesome vending machine toy from the 70s?) I'm sure Arsenic and Apple doesn't condone or encourage the doll to actually smoke, but dang if it isn't funny to sit there and watch her puff out a few smoke rings. Her uptight buddy Barbie would never be caught doing that - she gets her share of facial wrinkles from thinking too much.]
Her eye shadow is to die for - straight out of the Tammy Faye School of makeup application - lucky for Trailer Trash Barbie Tammy lives two double wides down, and unlike Perscriptives, she makes house calls. The teal eyeliner is about an inch thick and the awful 80s bright blue eye shadow covers the entire eye.
Her perfectly arched eyebrows have that "just tattooed on" look - or perhaps she spent the 25 cents for the trailer park endoscopic brow lift - you know pull up the forehead and staple the excess under her bleached out bangs - oh wait that's the high brow eyebrow lift - the preferred way is lift and duct tape.
If you look real careful - you'll see that she has a lazy right eye - it sort of looks directly up - so you don't know if she's looking at you or where she's been.
The crowning touch is her long and lovely main of bleached blonde locks. Since she can't afford a comb (or at least she doesn't come with one), she has decided to do simple braids. Unlike her high maintenance top notch fashion doll friend, with Trailer Trash Barbie, you know the drapes don't match the rug - she is probably the only doll out there that comes with black roots and bleach blonde hair - I mean you can't really blame her - she hasn't quite figured out how to use food stamps to pay for Clorox.
As for a career, this gal has Barbie beat hands down - she aspires to heights no other fashion doll has before - to be the assistant manager at the local Honk n Holler, but until that dream comes true, she'll be content collecting stray carts.
Overall this has to be the most awesome Barbie Type doll I have ever owned - she's everything I thought Barbie should be and so much more. Besides the cigarette, she also comes complete with a tiny six pack (no, not her abs, the wonderful off brand kind). But before you judge her on her "accessories," please realize she needs those six sudsy adult beverages - after all she's an athlete in training - she's been the County Fair Beer Guzzling Champ six years running - you wouldn't want her to give up that honor just cause she's moved to the burbs.
As for warnings, here goes Contains small parts and extreme sarcasm. Not recommended for children under 18 (taken directly off box as were the other italicized quotes). Would I suggest giving this to your 5 year old sure you could (if you take away her smokes and beer) shes the same size as an on-brand Barbie so your daughter could try to dress her up and take the holler out of the girl. However the face is scary and well at 22 bucks a doll, Im not sure I want to risk any jelly stains or juice spills possibly the occasional drop in mud might make her feel right at home. And let me just toss this one out there that isnt on the box doll does not drink or smoke alone.
Trailer Trash Barbie is the cubic zirconium in my collecting crown and now she can be yours (temporarily) for the low low price of an epinion - or at least a picture.
She has teamed up with One Modern Circle Ken for a whirlwind Sweet Home Alabamaish tour of the country. She and her best male buddy can be mailed to you for a day or two of fun, merriment, photos and dare I add excitement. See my profile page for the details of the Little bit Country, Little bit Rock N Roll write off (and yes, a fun/fabulous prize is being offered up - picture of prize is also posted).
PS - Thanks to MT and Suzanne for getting this product line added to the database
PPS - if you want to own one for yourself - she's available at
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Amount Paid (US$): 22.00
Type of Toy: Other
Age Range of Child: Other