Best part; Naked Female Dog Werewolf Murder Spree...WAR WOLVES
Jan 27, 2010 (Updated Sep 26, 2010)
Review by Mark Vaughan
Rated a Very Helpful Review
Plot Details: This opinion reveals minor details about the movie's plot.
Recommend this product?
War Wolves (2009) Directed by and starring Michael Worth.
Internal Monologue at an AA meeting. "It's been about three hours since my last drink, and that's a good thing, because otherwise I would kill everything in here."
"Even a man who is pure at heart, and says his prayers at night...needs a little help from the man upstairs." -Gail.
With the upcoming The Wolfman starring Benicio Del Toro and Anthony Hopkins just around the corner, I decided to review a werewolf movie or two. Imagine my surprise when I discovered one starring John Saxon, Tim Thomerson, and Adrienne Barbeau! (Nightmare on Elm Street, Trancers, and The Fog, respectively.) Wow! I thought; how cool is this!
Not cool, not cool at all....
As if being in the Iraq war were not bad enough, a coed unit is attacked in the middle of a fire fight by mysterious mullahs with whiteout contacts, and sharpened teeth. Never a good thing...
Several years later Jake Gabriel (Michael Worth) is hiding under the ever so clever alias of Lawrence Talbot, holding down a crappy job, and a prodigious amount of liquor, while attending daily AA meetings, and living in the basement of Gail, (Adrienne Barbeau) who means well but can best be described as nuttier than squirrel poo.
Some people handle their infection better than others. The suicide; not so well, Jake, coping. His girl friend and the other two female infectees, Erika (Natasha Alam), Justine, (Kristi Clainos) and Casey (Siri Baruc) have given in to the beast within, and are hunting for the alpha of the pack, and leaving a trail of half eaten rednecks behind them.
Following the carnage are two old army pharts, Tony Ford (John Saxon) and Frank Bergman (Tim Thomerson). Tough as old boot leather, and about as stiff, this geezer death squad of two hunts werewolves like Sam and Dean Winchester, at age 65. For some unfathomable reason, they don't consider Jake a threat. The wolfbitch patrol, on the other hand...
There is another wolf hunting Jake; Malik (Martin Kove, another blast from the past! Cobra Kai!). I guess he is eliminating the other alpha male. Not, mind you, that the movie ever makes that clear. So, let's bring all these groups together, and wait for the explosion! And wait.... And wait....
This movie for being a film about military werewolves moves at a snail's pace. There is a surprising dearth of action, mostly consisting of the old pharts hitting people in the face with rifle butts. Not until the very end do you have any true "action".
Sadly, there doesn't seem to be anything to take its place in the early part of the movie. Whiney self recrimination that passes for psychological drama and wolfbitches in heat seem to be most of what is going on.
And let's talk special effects. I am not kidding when I say I have better costumes show up every year at my Halloween Party. One girl had, I swear, off the rack ear points and dog nose and plastic fangs; total price for makeup; $6.57. The big production fight makeup with most complete transformation looked like a modified gargoyle mask. And the red balloon bits with fake blood that were supposed to be someone's ripped out throat? Please! I can do better FX with food colouring and pudding that has been left out over night! What do you expect from made for Syfy Channel Movies? BETTER!
Oh, the martial arts fight between Worth and Kove was worth the price of admission (if you sneak in the back) and some of the dialogue was sharp, sometimes funny banter. But not nearly enough to make a movie. No, we would have needed much more gratuitous nudity to bring this up to the level of Campy Monster Schlockfest. If Kove and Worth had fought naked, THEN I might have thought about buying this. As it is, let the moon set on this one, and just wait for The Wolfman in theaters.
Like Erica, this review is Lean-N-Mean at 666 concise words.
Full Moon Theatre. Werewolves on the Silver Screen.
(0)True Blood: Season Two.(O)Wolf Moon(O)Wild Country (O)The Wolfman (2010)(O)War Wolves(O)Wolf Man: The Legacy Collection
She-Wolf of London(O)Werewolf of London(O)The Twilight Saga: New Moon(O)Frankenstein Meets the Wolf Man
The Wolf Man(O)Dog Soldiers(O)Wolf(O)True Blood
An American Werewolf in Paris(O)Underworld: Rise of the Lycans(O)Underworld(O)An American Werewolf in London
Silver Bullet(O)The Brothers Grimm(O)Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban(O)The Brotherhood of the Wolf(O)Wolves of Kromer
Viewing Format: DVD
Video Occasion: None of the Above
Suitability For Children: Suitable for Children Age 13 and Older
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