Plot Details: This opinion reveals minor details about the movie's plot.

Watching The Detectives tries to be a cute romantic comedy.  It tries to give us the geeky video store owner who falls for the quirky, adorable girl - the one who's always one step ahead of him, so she constantly keeps him guessing.  It tries very hard to entertain us with this cute couple.  But it fails.  Miserably.  Why?  Because I hated the girl.  I didn't find her quirky, adorable, sweet, loving, or cute.  I found her to be an obnoxious, selfish terror, who would very quickly drive away any normal guy.  So, hating the main female character, I pretty much ended up hating this entire movie.

Cillian Murphy plays our geek, Neil.  He spends his days in his old-fashioned video store, the kind that caters to the old films, rather than the current blockbusters.  Neil hangs out with his other geek buddies, talking about old movies, and pretty much going nowhere with his life.  Neil dates a bit, but his love of practical jokes doesn't always make him popular with the ladies. 

Lucy Liu plays Violet, the femme fatale in Neil's personal film noir.  From the moment they meet, Violet is a complete mystery to Neil, and he finds himself drawn ever closer to her.  For her part, Violet only lets Neil scratch the surface.  She keeps her real self hidden from him, while the public persona is one of the life-loving prankster.  Yes, Violet plays practical jokes on Neil.  Time and time again.  The problem?  Her jokes aren't very funny, and usually involve others getting hurt, either financially or physically. 

The rest of the movie follows Neil and Violet through their relationship, which pretty much boils down to Violet's various hijinks, and Neil following her around like a puppy on a leash.  Violet's actions are frequently downright nasty to others, as she seems to have no regard for anyone else.  She happens to think she's absolutely adorable, and would be genuinely surprised to hear that anyone thinks otherwise.  But watching her in action made me actually cringe.  And each time she set up a new scenario, I worried about who would get hurt this time.

And it killed me to watch Neil go along with her antics, and actually try to move forward in their relationship.  I would have dropped her like a hot potato during the first date (when she pretended to be really drunk).  But Neil doesn't drop her, he continues going along with her, even as her pranks escalate causing more damage to others.

Yes, there are a few laughs along the way.  And, yes, the actors do reasonable jobs with the terrible script they were handed. And, yes, of course geeky Neil would find Lucy Liu attractive.  But I wasn't convinced for one moment that he would actually find Violet's personality anything less than annoying.  And while Neil does experience a small amount of growth throughout the movie, he would have been better off using that new-found knowledge to pursue someone else - anyone else.  As a result, this movie comes off as unrealistic, and ironically given its title, completely unwatchable.

Recommended?  No way!

Recommended: No

Suitability For Children: Suitable for Children Age 13 and Older