Sordid-1's Full Review: Audrey Ricker and Carolyn Crowder - Whining: 3 Ste...
Rodrigo, the father of three sons – nine year old Lemuel, seven year old Butch, and six year old Mao – has consented to let his children watch a rip-roaringly funny Don Knotts movie and eat potato salad with their bare hands out of an industrial-sized tub as long as they agree to do their homework immediately after the movie is completed. Once the movie comes to its super-hilarious conclusion, Lemuel (a feisty little lad) starts whining to watch another Don Knotts movie.
“Yeah, yeah! Mr. Limpet! Mr. Limpet!” squeals Butch.
“All the other kids get to watch as many Don Knotts movies as they want! Please, daddy, please!” begs Mao, his bottom lip quivering.
“We’ll get up early and do our homework before breakfast,” chimes in Lemuel, “And if you let us watch Mr. Limpet, I promise I won’t do terrible things to the dog with a salad fork. Please, daddy? If you don’t let us watch it, it’s just not fair! DON KNOTTS IS A VIRTUAL GOD! If we can’t watch Mr. Limpet, I will join a cult and pass out pamphlets in the airport. Homework is stupid! Homework is for sissies! You’re mean! I hate you! I hate you! I hate you!”
“Daddy sucks! Daddy sucks! Daddy sucks!” all three children chant in unison, the only breaks in harmony and rhythm provided by their grating whines and contrived sobs.
If you were Rodrigo, would you:
A) Think to yourself, “Well, by jingies, if all the other parents let their kids watch Don Knotts movies all night long, it must be okay!” and pop in The Incredible Mr. Limpet tape for some semi-animated, Don Knottsian, aquatic fun!
B) Scream out, “Time for some good old-fashioned butt-whooping!”, take off your belt, and start flailing wildly at anything that moves.
C) Give your children less stupid-sounding names.
D) Lock yourself in the bathroom and swallow an entire bottle of Prozac.
- OR -
E) Calmly turn off the television set and ignore the children, pretending they don’t even exist. Later, when things are going smoother, call a family meeting and tell your children, “Sons, when you refuse to do your homework and whine about it, I feel frustrated and enraged because I want you to be smart and educated . What I would like is for you to do your homework when requested, speak to me in a loving and respectful manner, and break free of this demented fascination with Don Knotts that seems so prevalent among the youth of today.”
According to Drs. Ricker and Crowder, co-authors of Whining: 3 Steps to Stopping It Before the Tears and Tantrums Start, the preferable course of action would be E. Option A would be considered representative of the “permissive school of parenting”, Option B would fit into the “autocratic school of parenting”, Options C & D are just plain silly and would best suit the “Sordid school of parenting”, and Option E is what this book preaches – a parenting approach closely modeled after Adlerian psychology (a school of thought eager to extend the benefit of the doubt to the nature of humanity – believing that the motivating force for all people is a desire for perfection.)
Whining: 3 Steps to Stopping It Before the Tears and Tantrums Start (hereafter referenced as Whining) addresses the confrontations and power plays all parents of non-mute children will eventually face. It includes many examples (much like the one above, albeit with a less Sordid touch) along with recommended courses of action to nip such behavior in the butt (or “bud”, depending on whether you are a carnivore or herbivore – if you are an omnivore, however, you are experiencing the best of both worlds and may feel free to nip it wherever you darn well please!)
There is much in this book that rings very true - any thinking individual with at least a thimbleful of common sense should be able to figure out much of this on his own. For example, the authors believe that giving in to the whining demands of a child merely reinforces that behavior. That is spot-on accurate. Children aren’t stupid, they have the wherewithal to gauge which actions and behaviors get them what they want, and will flog those effective tactics until the cows come home. The authors also are firm proponents of setting consequences for undesirable behavior (for example, the consequence for whining about the contents of dinner is “no dinner and the hunger that accompanies it”.) The concept of “accountability” is one that all children absolutely NEED to learn if they are to operate as responsible, fully functioning adults. Unfortunately, even some adults have failed to grasp this concept and go through their entire lives shirking blame in whatever direction is most convenient, and operating with petulant, childish aspects controlling much of their personality and outlook on life. Properly training a child regarding such matters is one of the greatest services a parent can undertake.
Other portions of this book stand on less firm ground. The authors have an aversion to the concept of “punishment” (though many aspects of the “logical consequences’ they endorse are similar to “punishment”), and oft-times try to put the children on equal footing with the parents. In the example I cited above, Lemuel, Butch, and Mao did not have their behavior reinforced – it did not get them what they wanted (another two hours with the fabulously hilarious Don Knotts.) It did, however, sentence Rodrigo to stoically endure whining and abuse from his out-of-control children that he, as a parent, should not have to endure. Certainly, while the little hellions are whining, screaming, and verbally abusing old dad, they feel empowered. Even though they might not elicit the response they would expect (power OVER dad – the ability to elicit anger and frustration from him), they certainly feel a little thrill of “getting away with it” and may be inclined to repeat the behavior for no other reason than that, and view such whining as a valid form of expression.
My primary problem with the book, though, has little to do with the ideas endorsed – they are largely self-evident and nothing I have not stumbled onto in my own parenting experience. Rather, it is in the presentation. I realize that Whining is not intended as an entertaining novel or a deep, heavy-duty adventure into the wonderland of child psychology - it is instead presented as a practical guide to promote simple, effective ideas. That’s fine, I suppose that’s what moves it off the shelf. But I do not believe it has to be QUITE so simple, at times it actually seems to directly address children RATHER than adults. And it is so repetitive. And it repeats itself. And it says the same things over and over, somewhat redundantly in a repetitive manner that could easily be categorized as redundant. Many people consider this an effective form of communication (advertisers, for example) - driving a point home by drilling it into the reader’s head over and over and over and over. That is exactly what this book did. The information contained in its 150 pages could have just as effectively been presented in 20. I realize I have little wiggle room to speak, as the soul of my wit is located somewhere far, far away from brevity, but I still find it irksome (when practiced by others, of course!)
My children are, of course, cherubic little darlings who have never done one single thing wrong in their entire lives. Your children, however, may model their behavior after Lemuel, Butch, and Mao. If that is the case, and you enjoy pedantic ramblings, pick up this book for a little reminder course in some of parenting’s more obvious aspects. Or not. No big whoop.
The expert authors of the bestselling Backtalk offer a three-step plan to tackle the number one pet peeve of parents everywhere: whining, that most fr...More at Buy.com Marketplaces
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