jankp's Full Review: Susan Nolen-Hoeksema - Women Who Think Too Much: H...
Author's Note--Note that Dr. Freudine is a psychiatrist character I created for entertainment and thought-provoking purposes. The story picks up from my review of The Surrendered Single with the doctor leaving David's kitchen to find Irish and go home. Links to previous installments on my profile page.
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What a disappointing waste of time that was with Miss Cunengonde. I hate it when people have their own agendas and think I need their advice! She's obviously an overthinker who would really benefit from Susan Nolen-Hoeksema's book, Women Who Think Too Much, still in my bag, but I am not about to go back in there with that sex surrogate. I spy through a window figures loping around in the dusky night and take a deep breath before opening and stepping through the door.
"Hey Doc! Catch!"
A big, orange ball zeroes in on me like a missile and I only have time to shield my face. Irish and David, bare chests glistening with sweat, jog up to me pleased with their male superiority and the latter retrieves his ball. I try not to stare at Irish's hairless, rising and falling chest as he catches his breath, then reaches for his faded blue NYU T-shirt on the hand railing beside me.
"Can you drive or are you drunk?" I blurt. He sputters with laughter, regarding me with cocked eyebrows before slipping into his shirt.
"Not on one measly beer, thanks to the fool in love! Gimme the keys." I do and David bounds up with a question all over his sweaty face, holding the ball. "Thanks for the game, kid. Go see to your dreamlover. We're off."
I just smile a good-night. In the car Irish picks my Dave Mathews Band CD to play softly and opens a Breath Mint while I take out the book, Women Who Think Too Much, to refresh my memory on its contents. It is as I thought. Miss Cunengonde definitely fits the description of a woman with a negative self-image, who focuses on what's wrong with herself or others, who anticipates things going wrong (which sets her up for failure), who then is overcome with fear and unable to act...Well, maybe not the last one. We'll see.
"Must be an exciting book. You're tearin' through the pages," he observes. I grin.
"This book is targeted at women, how they overthink their relationships, jobs and health, but that seems short-sighted to me, how about you? Don't men also worry?"
"Absolutely. Jack who suffers writer's block is a perfect example, but I know there are many more on Epinions. Even I can get so caught up in my thoughts that I don't know what to write or say. I, hehe, start to argue with myself about how I should feel or think or act based on usually my father's opinion, and lose my confidence."
I smile. "You could've written the book! I guess that would be depressing?"
"Oh, just slightly. Doc, don't you ever overthink? Ruminate at least over why tragedy happens? You know, men don't often admit to being depressed, but they're on Epinions along with women who've written about it. Look up their profile pages...on my computer, I guess."
"Okay, I will and maybe I can help them stop overthinking with the excellent solutions Nolen-Hoeksema offers. I need new clients since you're no longer one and David, well, he may not need me much longer either." I gaze out the window and enjoy the breeze as Irish picks up speed on the highway. Is he implying that I should be an overthinker? That it's normal? Suddenly I think of Dr. Defiance calling me up to complain because her sex surrogate cried again to her. Maybe coming to my office! I think of Jan rounding up surprise clients for me, new sex surrogates to work with me. God, no, I couldn't handle it! It's probably already happening, though, and what can I do about it? I must deserve it because I'm too critical...
"Doc? Are you hyperventilating? Calm down. Take deep breaths and focus, okay, darlin'?"
With my eyes closed, I hear Irish's muffled voice over a garbled tune in the background. I feel a bit sick to my stomach and in my head as I deeply breathe in and out, but after a while I feel normal and open my eyes.
"I'm so embarrassed." I thought I'd put these episodes behind me, darn it!
"Hey, none of that! I'm not judging you 'cause I sometimes panic myself and into migraines no less. What does that book say about how to control overthinking?"
"Well, scheduling a time for it so you break free of its grip. Distracting yourself with exercise or something interesting. Talking with a friend who is not an overthinker. Writing your thoughts down, then reading them later with a calmer perspective. Lowering your expectations. Finding your life's goal and what you value...Stop waiting for someone to change and/or rescue you and either change your situation or be satisfied with it. Look at the big picture instead of the details. Oh and stop comparing yourself or listening to others compare you."
"All good advice. There are no quick fixes for a habit we've learned all our life from our parents, friends and the media, not even drugs. Feeling okay now?" Irish glances at me, pulling suddenly into his driveway. I smile back and slide the book into my bag.
"Much better, thanks. As the author puts it, we're a bunch of navel gazers, hahaha, but her solutions help the many distraught women discussed in the book to work through relationship, job and health challenges." I pause, blushing. "It's helped me, too, but not today, hahaha! You bring out the worst in me, it seems."
He leans over and kisses me gently, shocking me just as much as with that other violent kiss. I tell myself it's the stubble on his cheeks. Or because I'm so tired. Yeah, that's it. Oh no, am I thinking too much again?
Women Who Think Too Much by Susan Nolen-Hoeksema, Ph.D, who has written five books, has three sections: An Epidemic of Overthinking, Strategies for Overcoming Overthinking and Triggers for Overthinking. Case studies used represent likely situations, but are either fictional or names have been changed. 253 pages. 2003 published.
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