The Parental Nerve Assassin
Written: Nov 12 '02 (Updated Jun 19 '04)
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Pros: Look just like a real skateboard, seemingly endless selection
Cons: Cheap and abundant.
The Bottom Line: These are not only annoying, but dangerous toys. Any home with a small child should avoid these things like the plague.
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| logimom's Full Review: Xconcepts Tech Deck: Fingerboards - 6 Board Boxed ... |
“Tech Deck 96mm and 57mm are #1 in mini-Extreme sports replicas because of our awesome designs and quality construction. Tech Decks are the only Minis that use authentic, licensed graphics from top brands like: Birdhouse, World Industries and more! All our products are made with top quality materials and we're constantly improving our designs. The hottest names in Extreme Sports say our product is the best! Just ask the pros which brand of minis they prefer and you'll get a unanimous ‘Tech Deck.’”
Of all the toys I’ve had to endure as a parent, I’ve never had one push my nerves as much as the Tech Deck. These midget skateboards have become the bane of my existence… so much so, we’ve begun planning covert operations and cover-ups in their mysterious disappearances in my house. The worst thing is these little goomers are so cheap and plentiful. You can even buy these things at gas stations. I’ve also discovered an underground trading ring. Just as I think I’ve rid my house of these tiny annoyances, new ones mysteriously appear.
“Logan, where’d that Tech Deck come from?”
“I traded a Yu-Gi-Oh card for it.”
Silent screams well up and run rampant in my head. Its all I can do to NOT vocalize them. Oh no… that twitch in my eye is back. Why do I loathe them so? I’m not sure where to start on that one.
How do they come? Every conceivable way you can think of.
The most popular way to buy a Tech Deck skateboard is in singles, but they are also available in 2, 5 and 6 packs. There are also different sizes, with the best-selling and most abundant being the 96mm length. Other popular sizes are the 57mm and 27cm handboard (much larger than the fingerboards). This particular 6-pack comes with 6 of the 96mm marvels, real grip tape, real tools, real metal trucks, 12 wheels and removable hardware. Each 6-board set promises two exclusive skateboards that cannot be found anywhere else. Other Tech Deck products include (but are certainly not limited to) remote controlled boards, snowboards, surfboards, bikes, scooters, and other various and sundry things. Enough to make you screech. Almost all of their products come with replacement parts and tiny tools. This is another rant altogether that I’ll get to later.
The average Tech Deck resembles a really short emery board on wheels. According to my 13 year old, these 96mm boards are best for “grinding” and other tricks. It really aggravates my son when I ask to borrow one to file a rough spot on my fingernail.
The tiny little tools and tiny little parts that come with each set consist of extra wheels, microscopic nuts and bolts, a teeny, a t-bar looking tool thingy, and a tiny socket wrench for removing/replacing parts. And believe me, they WILL need replacing. Most of them get sucked up into the vacuum cleaner – totally on accident, of course.
Designs on the bottom run the gamut of everything you can think of between aliens and zebras. Hundreds of things. Most of the designs are part of a collection relating to famous skateboarders (like Tony Hawk – he’s the only one I’ve ever heard of) or skateboard companies (none of which I’ve heard of). Usually, in these 6 packs and other multi-packs, all the boards consist of these collections. Of course, one 6 pack does not contain an entire collection. This in turn induces your child to bug the living fool out of you to purchase the rest of the collection (about 4 of these 6 packs).
What do you do with them?
I wondered that very same thing. The main purpose is to do all those really neat skateboard tricks that Tony Hawk and those other pros do on real boards – but without the potential for grave bodily injury. The REAL purpose is to annoy any adult that comes within a 100-yard radius of them. No place in the house is safe.
Here are a few names of tricks one can do with a Tech Deck: Ollie, Nollie, Kickflip, Heelflip, Nosegrind, Crooked/Smith Grind… yadda, yadda, yadda. I do not have a clue what these actually look like in action, but if you’re curious (or much more tolerant than I and want to show your kids), the Tech Deck website has both viewable/printable text instructions as well as instructional streaming video footage in both Windows Media and Real Media formats: http://www.techdeck.com/knowledge/knowledge_tips.asp
This is my take on how they’re played with:
Flip – Click… Flip – Click… (That’s how it starts out)
Zzzzzing… (silence)… CRASH (a few pre-teen expletives like “crap” thrown in).
This goes on ad nauseam until the adult reaches the boiling point. Makes you want to say a few adult expletives of your own and reach for the Excedrin.
“Hey Mom… Come watch this 360 flip to 5-0 grind shove it out!”
What? After MUCH prodding, I reluctantly enter my kitchen, which has now been transformed into a makeshift miniature skateboard park. Canisters, Tupperware, formula cans and Bisquick boxes piled and stacked high all around the cabinets. After 6 unsuccessful attempts, the boy is getting angry. I attempt to leave.
“Wait Mom! One more time…”
After several more non-successes and much grousing, I run the boy from my kitchen and undo the makeshift fingerboard park. The jewel I find underneath? Very scuffed up cabinets and scratched vent-a-hood. I must soak the scuffs in industrial strength cleaner to remove them. He may as well have been tap dancing on them. More jewels around the house include a scuffed up and scratched banister, desk, coffee table, etc. I shall keep Old English Scratch Cover in business for a long time.
Logimom’s Safety Soapbox
These things are pretty safe for kids over age 7 who have learned to not put things into their mouths. But for an infant, especially at the sitting/crawling stage and up, they are your worst nightmare. The parts are very small and pose a VERY serious choking hazard. The emery board grip tape isn’t very good for baby’s teeth, either.
My suggestion is to do your best to steer away from these toys when there is a baby in the house.
Final Thoughts and Tidbit of Info
As you can see, I’m not a fan. Sure, they’re cool-looking and all, but GEEZ,. If having 5 kids, an outside job and a husband wasn’t enough to break you, by golly just add one of these into the mix. Its enough to make you want Valium.
If you’re still interested and want to see the entire Tech Deck line including mini skate parks, ramps and other gear, here’s the URL to their nice, nebulous website: http://www.techdeck.com.
I’m off in search of Prince Valium now…
Happy Ollie-Nollie-Kickflip-Whatever!
© 2002-2004 Donna Standridge
Recommended:
No
Amount Paid (US$): 12.99
Type of Toy: Other
Age Range of Child: 9 Years or Older
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logimom
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Member: Donna Standridge
Location: Texarkana, Texas
Reviews written: 213
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