Pros: It's funny. Stars Jenna Jameson. Someone out there thinks that's a plus, right?
Cons: In only fifteen words? Can't be done.
Zombie Strippers (2008) Written and Directed by Jay Lee.
Nothing comes out of your pants except tips for the girls.
What do you expect from a movie called Zombie Strippers? The Cliff Notes version of Western Philosophy? A scathing indictment against the objectification of women and man's dehumanizing treatment of workers in the sex trade? An allegory of the dangers of conformity?
Well, you get all those things. And Zombies. And strippers. One part soft core porn, one part Syfy Original movie of the week, mix in a generous helping of George Romero, and assorted dashes of campy homage to classic Sci Fi movies, and you have Zombie Strippers. Sadly, the acting skills were taken from the soft core porn.
The scenario is as follows; George W Bush has won his fourth consecutive term as president, taking Florida, which due to a glitch in the Jeb B voting terminals, tallied one single vote for President Bush and Vice President Schwarzenegger. Bush's presidency was unanimously declared legally binding by the Supreme Court as well as "totally cool" by Supreme Justice Jenna Bush who subsequently set in motion another Supreme Kegger. Following the landslide victory, a constitutional amendment banning public nudity was implemented. Shortly thereafter, President Bush dissolved Congress, claiming it was "cramping his style." American Troops continue to be strung thin due to the still raging wars in Iraq, Afghanistan, Syria, Iran, Lebanon, Libya, Pakistan, Venezuela, France, Canada, and Alaska.
To that end, scientists come up with a chemo virus that reanimated dead bodies, so that soldiers who have been killed can continue fighting. But Private Byrdflough (Bird Flu) is infected, and flees his certain extermination at the hands of his commando buddies (a clear camp take on Aliens) and flees to the local underground strip club.
The virus lets women retain much of their faculties from life, but turns men into mindless zombies. (Sort of like Strip Clubs.) Anyway, Byrdflough infects the star stripper at the Rhino, Kat (Jenna Jameson) and she uses her supernaturally fueled talents to become an ever bigger star. One by one, the other strippers in the competitive and cliché driven world of the stripper backstage take the plunge and join the ranks of the living dead, much to the delight of the patrons, and the club's owner, Ian Essko (Robert Englund). They wilder she gets, the more they throw money.
Ian is like an aged mean Pee Wee Herman with a herpes phobia, and no respect for the women who earn him his living. He sees the fact that the zombie strippers eat the men they are supposed to be giving lap dances as a minor inconvenience. Madame Blavatski (Carmit Levité) is combination of Madame Sousatzka and Natasha from The Bullwinkle and Rocky Show. She is in charge of the ‘artistes' and has a soft spot in her heart for her girls.
As the strippers decay, the patrons pay. As they go rotter, the men find them hotter. And of course, things get out of hand; Jeannie (Shamron Moore) Kat's chief detractor joins the ranks of the undead to be able to compete, and she and Kat have a strip off, to the death! Have you ever seen the Ping Pong ball cannon used as a weapon? Kat uses billiard balls. If you don't get the reference, stop trying. You'll be happier that way.
It's crass, crude, campy, and corny. It is blatant exploitation and gore porn. It is honest about all these things. Here is the problem. It is too honest. It laughs at it's own jokes. It slides in a zinger, and then makes sure you notice it. It tries far too hard to be crass, and campy, and thereby spoils some of the fun. It was never going to by high art, but it could have been a better grade of commercial schlock.
Still, it has laughs, and gore, and delivers on its promise; it gives you Zombie Strippers. You decide if that is a good thing.
This review, like Tito Ortiz, who plays the bouncer, is Lean-N-Mean. It is an apropos 666 words.