Reclaiming the Word
Written: Jul 12 '00 (Updated Jul 12 '00)
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Product Rating:
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Pros: Very informative, formula for healthy relationships
Cons: Unfourtunatley some will not read it because of the content
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| althaea's Full Review: Dossie Easton and Catherine A. Liszt - The Ethical... |
Before I wrote this opinion I reread this book. I underlined and highlighted and dogeared pages. I wanted to cover as much as I possible could in this opinion. As many of you might be taken aback by the title and precept of this book, I ask you to suspend your judgement and rate this opinion on how well it is written.
The Ethical Sl*t, written by Dossie Easton and Catherine A. Liszt is a book that should be read by any in a relationship. It should also be read by psych majors and anyone interested in alternative lifestyles. Although the subtitle of the book is A guide to Infinite Sexual Possibilities, and there is major emphasis on polyamorous relationships, this book can benefit any person who wants fullfillment in their sexual, and non-sexual, relationships. There is a reason this book falls under the Psychology and Psychiatry-Human Sexuality, Family and Relationships,and Social Sciences-Custom and Traditions categories.
This book discusses the basics of a relationship like communication, being honest, owning your own feelings. They range in topic from celibacy to multiple partners. They talk about how we have been subject to stereotypes and misinformation about sex.
"The historical censorship of discussion about sex has left us with another disability: the act of talking about sex, or putting words to what we do in bed, has become difficult and embarrassing."
They point out that it wasn't until the Industrial Revolution in Europe (late 18th century) that we started to hear that masturbation was bad for us. "That this most innocent of sexual outlets was dangerous to society." The childrearing manuals of the 19th century show devices that prevent babies from touching their genitals in their sleep.
One of the sections I found interesting was on the different sexual subcultures;gay, lesbian, transgender...Each group discussed has something to offer about different types of relationships. Women (lesbians)are more into talking, about being sensual, about approaching sex slowly, while a lot of gay men are straightforward and come out and ask. The part that really intrigue me, though was the transgender community.
"What we can all learn from transgendered people is that gender is malleable. We learn about how some behaviors and emotional states may be hormone-related from people who take hormones to express male or female gender. People who have lived part of their lives in both gender modes, physiologically and culturally, have a great deal to teach us about what changes according to hormones, and what does not, and what gender characteristics remain a matter of choice no matter what our endocrine system says.
Can you imagine having insight into what is really stereotypical and what is true to gender? What is it that I have really been buying into?
Along with exploring the different subcultures there are chapters on learning a language to talk about sex that is comfortable for you. What are the obstacles that get in the way of us enjoying sex? Sex is pleasurable and there is nothing wrong with that. They talk about the sex-negative cultural messages. The shame and beleifs we are taught about our bodies. The media and it's role in our self-image. If we are thin enough, we still smell. And, especially for poly people,"When our desires and fantasies stretch further than a monogamous marriage with a member of the opposite sex, we suffer further attacks on our self-acceptance-we become sex-crazed perverts, the objects of scorn from others and, all too often, ourselves. According to some, even God hates us. It's hard to feel good about an expansive sexuality when you feel so bad about yourself and you just want to hide."
So we get to getting to know yourself. Affection, sensuality, sexuality starts with getting to know you and your own body. Take a bath, get a massage, read a book. Nurture yourself. All of this is good advice right?
Boundaries
I put this in bold because it is easy to assume that someone who has an openly sexual lifestyle is often mistaken for having NO boundaries, when actually the opposite is true. It is important to have boundaries. Most poly/open people have more boundaries than a monogamous couple. Safety and communication are a must. My favorite quote from the book is, "We believe that if you are not free to say 'no,' you can't really say,'yes." Know your limits, know yourself, what you want, and what you don't.
As this review is getting long, I just want to say that this book covers areas that are good fro everyone to read. As this is a no holds barred book, there is no icing. It is straight forward and to the point. There is no talking around, instead talking about. There are four parts to the book;
Within Ourselves, which talks about values and ethics, the language of the book, skills, styles, enjoying sex, finding a healthy way to talk about sex,
Between One Another which is where we learn about boundaries, jealousy, love, conflict and agreements,
In the World which covers health, childrearing, and a "Sl*ts-Eye Veiw", and last but not least,
Having Fun which is about, well having fun, putting it all into action.
This book offers an extensive section of footnotes, bibliography and resources.
Recommended:
Yes
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Epinions.com ID:
althaea
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Location: Orange County, NY
Reviews written: 125
Trusted by: 62 members
About Me:
Musician, Poet, Mother, and Wife, I remain teachable and willing.
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