It's the latest rendition of The Good, The Bad, and The Celmatic. If you've read me for a while, you might've come across one of these reviews. If you want the back story on the man known as Celmatic, you can click the links below.

Part III
Part II
Part I

The WWE Originals is not actually an original concept. There have been a few albums of music with WWE/WWF superstars singing to original music. The first album was called The Wrestling Album and featured Vince McMahon and Jesse "The Body" Ventura doing play by play of the wrestlers singing. Even Mean Gene Okerlund got involved and did a rendition of Tuti Fruiti. The second album was called Piledriver with Koko B. Ware singing the lead on both the title track and If You Only Knew which had Ted DiBiase arguing with Hulk Hogan on whether everyone had a price. Vince McMahon himself made his recording debut with a song titled Stand Back. That's a fact. I believe there was another album with the superstars signing, but fortunately, I don't have that one.

This album isn't an entirely original idea, but it is original music. Jim Johnston is the WWE music producer and he does every single one of these songs, except Basic Thuganomics by John Cena. Cena got his own producer and they did the song together.

There was a certain charm (not much, but some) with the old albums that is not here for the most of this new one. At least the superstars didn't take themselves seriously. I mean, they remade Land Of 1,000 Dances with Mr. Fuji talking about knowing how to pony. And with the second album, the doctor of style, Slick sang Jive Soul Bro. These guys were having fun. But Mr. Johnston, or maybe even Vince himself decided these guys should take themselves seriously on this album. Let me put this in perspective. Rikishi, for those who don't know is a 350 pound Samoan man with a thong that exposes his bulbous buttocks, sings a song called Put A Little A** On It. Now, if you know Rikishi, he does a move called the Stinky Face, where he sticks his cottage cheese rear end in someone's face. One would think that by the title of his song, he would be talking about that. But no. It's a love song. Barry White style. This one is going to be fun.

The Good

Stone Cold Steve Austin has a five part skit in which he and Jim Johnston go back and forth on recording Stone Cold's solo song. But Stone Cold isn't an easy superstar. First, Johnston forgot his beer. Then, he gave Austin a soft track. Then he changed Austin's lyrics. So finally, Austin whooped him. Then he dumped beer on his head. And he was finally ready to record his track as the album ended. It's a funny piece and Austin, like usual is just awesome on the mic. However, it's not a song.

Basic Thuganomics is John Cena's original track. John Cena plays a white rapper on television, who can't flow that well, but can tell a punchline. This song is done decently well, but you can tell John's an amateur. His flow is slightly off beat, but his lyrics are decent. For this album, decent is good.

New Deadman Inc.
And we about to make you famous
Takin' over earth
And still kickin in Uranus (your anus)

Can You Dig It is done by none other than the booker man, Booker T. The lyrics are ok (I'm dying to know who wrote them), and he has a back-up rapper that helps him out. The song is not bad, and I was actually impressed with Booker's energy. He flows like he has a mouth full of marbles, but like I said, with this CD, decent equals good. Lilian Garcia is the Raw TV announcer. She announces the wrestlers as they come out for their matches, and usually sings the National Anthem before the shows. She has an above average voice and what she lacks in overall vocal range, she makes up in the strength of her voice. You Just Don't Know Me At All isn't as strong as the theme song for Torrie Wilson that she sings, but it's still better than almost everything on here. Whether you like it or not, Chris Jericho is actually getting better musically. His band Fozzy was actually a fictional cover band and were actually called Fozzy Ozbourne. But now, they are a regular band and produce somewhat ok music. Jericho has a lot of growing up to do vocally, but on the hook he sounds pretty good.

Don't you wish you were me
The king of all you see
It ain't that easy
Don't think you'll ever be
Everything a man should be
Don't you wish you were me
Keep dreamin'
You'll never be me

Don't You Wish You Were Me is the end of the good.

The Bad

I think Huey Lewis said it. Sometimes, bad is bad. This is just bad. Trish Stratus, my REM sleep mistress, is many things. She's a wrestler, a fitness model, a WWE Diva, as well as my REM sleep mistress. But one thing she is not, is a singer. And I think Johnston knew that. So he decided to do to her what all the singers in today's age with less than average voices have done to their voices. He gives it synthetic help. And he turns Trish Stratus into a Britney Spears karaoke queen. I Just Want You is something I wish she told me, but it's just a sucky love song. Lita sings When I Get You Alone which is like a wannabe Avril Lavigne song. Lita is fine when she has the music in the background, but when the instrumental changes and she's allowed to show off her voice, it's horrible. As Simon Cowell would say, "it's wretched". Rey Mysterio is the best cruiserweight in the WWE. He's one of the best wrestlers from Mexico ever. And he can even rap a little bit. But on Crossing Borders you wish the mask that he wears on his face was also covering his mouth. It's a half Spanish half English rap song that has no flow or direction whatsoever. And the last of the bad songs is the Dudley Boyz rock rap song called We've Had Enough. The Dudleys try very hard to do their best version of amateur karaoke rap. But all it sounds like is bad karaoke. And every once in a while, Devon makes a weird "heh, heh" sound that doesn't seem like it fits.

The Celmatic.

Oh the Celmatic. I think Huey also said, sometimes celmatic is celmatic. (Ah dip dip dip dip dip doo wop wop, I mean cool is the rule, but sometimes celmatic is celmatic.) Kurt Angle is a great entertainer. For an Olympic athlete, he has a great personality. I thought his song, I Don't Suck (Really) was at least going to be funny. But it's far from it. It actually does suck. He talks about all his accolades, but does it in rhyming form. And it's just plain awful. The music is a sped up version of his entrance music, with him yelling, "I don't, suck" repeatedly on the hook. You want to see how bad this is? I'll give you two lines.

Second place is the best you'll ever do
Be happy with that before I do worse to you

What is Kurt talking about?

We Lie, We Cheat, We Steal is Eddie and Chavo Guerreros' addition to the album. They don't sing. They don't rap. They just talk. You've never heard more Spanish/English, vato loco speak in your life. Stacy Keibler can dance. She can strut. She can do cartwheels. But she can't sing. Her vocals are toyed with even more than Trish's. And she doesn't seem to feel the beat. The production sounds like a dime store high energy, hot 97.7 reject. And lastly, the aforementioned Put A Little A** On It is a love song. Enough said. Actually that's not enough said. How can a love song have a title that talks about his bulbous rear end? It's not lovable. Just completely celmatic.


Recommended: No

Great Music to Play While: Waking up