This review is on the 1976 Buick Electra, not the 1986. The 1976 Buick Electra (Limited) is the car I own, and nothing would ever make me trade it in for a 1986 model. The 1976 Electra is everything the 1986 Electra is not, and that's the key.

In 1976 our country celebrated its bi-centennial, and the festivities were held across the land. Less noticed were the death throes of the American luxury car. Though not completely dead, some of the largest model lines had already died; GM had designated the 1976 model year as the last for the gigantic Buick Electra, Chevrolet Caprice, Oldsmobile 98 and 88, Cadillac Fleetwood, and Pontiac Grandville. Though most of the names would live on for some years (the Grandville would not), the cars attached to these names would be much smaller for the 1977 model year (and again in the 1980s). While Ford, Lincoln-Mercury, Cadillac, and Chrysler would still make cars just as big as the 1976 Electra for another several years, they, too (the LTD, Lincoln-Continental, Mark V, Eldorado, and New Yorker), would, by 1980, be down-sized.

Nothing, absolutely nothing, can compare to the experience of driving, even owning, the 1976 Electra. Words like huge, silent, massive, and majestic, only hint at the marvelous personality of one of these automobiles. The only adequate phrase for the Electra (actually about a Lincoln-Continental) was penned by the writer Peter Straub in the novel Ghost Story. There, it was "the slow-motion throne". Fitting, and even judgmental, and that's what makes it so right. While your vehicle moves slowly and majestically by the population, both those in lesser vehicles and on foot, you sit in judgment of the entire human race, and you are king.

The attributes of lesser automobiles, speed, maneuverability, economy of motion, are irrelevant. Nothing matters to you, for you are master, and they are cattle. Pass them by, acknowledge them not, do not even look upon them, for they are unworthy.

Are more objective descriptions what you want? My Electra is the Limited model, a notch above the standard Electra for that year. Besides having more chrome trim, mine has a thick, black, velour interior. (Remember that? Remember disco? Carter? Gas for 65 cents a gallon?) Sitting on it is like sitting on your best sofa at home. Support is surprisingly firm, but gentle, and the fabric's texture keeps you from scooting around like you might on leather or vinyl. The black velour goes well with the overall color scheme of the car - black. And it's not any ordinary shade of black, it's Judicial Black. (No lie, straight from the original window sticker.) The exterior is a nice, glossy black, with a black vinyl roof.

Interior room, including that for rear-seat passengers, is enormous. With the seat adjusted for me to stretch my legs out while I drive, there is more than enough room in the rear for even tall passengers to stretch their legs, too. You'll also easily fit 6 adults in this car, without a shoe horn. To the eye, the interior of the car can be described as airy; there's lots of room, lots of light, and in some respects it's like riding in a greenhouse, as the body style is the "pillarless hardtop", giving you that much more area covered by glass (or open, with the windows down) to see out of.

Power options are plentiful, and useful. The power windows all work quietly and smoothly. The power door locks unlock and lock solidly, and faultlessly. The power seats move forward, backward, up, down, and sideways, making it possible to find just the right position for driving, be it a trip to the grocery store, or a cross-country vacation.

The suspension can be described with another phrase from another book, this time having nothing to do with cars; "vaster than empires, and more slow". The shocks and springs of this huge vehicle barely register contact with the usual road perturbations; tar strips, pavement ripples, stones, pot-holes, rail-road tracks. Response to any of these is delayed, as if the gigantic machine is deciding to even notice the imperfection. Once felt, the suspension barely travels, the body hardly moves, and you glide on. You need not even be disturbed by the noise of your passing, as you will likely not hear it through the massive amounts of sound-deadening material.

The air-conditioner on maximum is a lovely, exhilarating experience; the hottest days are banished in a moment, your body cooling instantly, and your mind relinquished from the grip of fevered insanity. Even the radio is cooperative, with an automatic power antenna smoothly moving from its shaft, with just a turn of the key in the ignition.

Handling and steering is surprisingly tight for such a large car. You can park in department and grocery store parking lots, even in spaces flanked by cars on either side, without much trouble. Tight turns, with good tires, cause almost no tire squeal, and the steering wheel actually transmits a minimum of road feel to the driver.

Getting the Electra moving from a dead stop is reasonably easy. With the 455 cubic-inch V-8 in my Buick, it has about 220 horsepower to work with. That's not overly much for a car that weighs about 5,000 pounds, but it accelerates smoothly and quickly enough for any kind of traffic. The modest horsepower in even huge V-8s was typical of cars of the mid-to-late 70s; their engines were hobbled by the emissions controls of the day, and the fairly recent switch from leaded to unleaded gasoline. And speaking of gasoline, it takes regular unleaded, and a lot of it. The tank holds about 27 gallons; fill it on empty, and you'll need about $60. Ouch!! And city driving is 10 miles per gallon, on the dot. But that's what makes owning this car so unique. It makes no apologies for its appetite, so expect none.

What else is there to say? My '76 Electra has pre-historic technology and components by today's standards, but who cares? A three-speed automatic transmission (which shifts so smoothly you'll never hear it). A digital clock, which is actual plastic numbers that rotate on a drum behind a plastic window; no digital screens or LCDs here! Ordinary doorlocks that are opened with keys only; no remote release for convenience, no digital locking codes to foil thieves. Rear drum brakes. No computer components or sensors for the suspension, transmission, fuel/air mixture, whatever. And some genuine fake wood for the dashboard.

I bought this car on E-Bay. I looked for one for months, and one day, there it was, advertised on my computer screen. I knew when I first saw it I had to have it. Mine. Nothing and no one would stop me. I crushed the next-highest bidder into the dust, and he later sent an e-mail to congratulate me on my purchase. Mine. Hand-in-Glove. Rider-in-Saddle. Boots-in-Stirrups. Sword-in-Sheath. Lord-and-Master.

I am Invincible.

I am Unconquerable.

I am Unstoppable.

And you dare not let me pass.
Amount Paid (US$): 2,325
Condition: Used
Model Year: 1976
Model and Options: Electra Limited, power seats, windows, locks, steering, brakes, A/C