GM commissioned outside designers for the first time ever with the 2001 Corvette: Bulgaria's elite engineering team, (i.e., the non-violent prisoners with metal shop privileges). The newly designed, sporty, all-iron body weighs in at a svelte 16 tons. The engine is also new this year, and it's the only one being offered: a torque-filled Diesel engine known as the "Iron Gnome." This little workhorse is an 8.4-liter inline 8-cylinder capable of producing 95 hp and 3700 ft/lbs of torque with a smooth idling 78:1 compression ratio. Matched to the Iron Gnome is an easy-to-use 15-speed manual transmission mounted on the steering column. The windshield is constructed of GM's world-famous Transparent Safety Glass or TSG for short. And nothing says class like these three little words: cast iron dashboard.

To offset the high production costs of almost $120, and in other words, to save you money, GM has taken a tip from NASCAR and sold space on each new Corvette to corporate advertisers. My car came with ads from Tampax (across the hood), CBS's Touched By an Angel, and Friskies Cat Food.

I push the pedal to the floor and, within 30 seconds, I am keeping up with the majority of Bulgarian traffic (horse-drawn carts, old babushkas, and bicyclists). This is it: it's time to take this baby on the highway. But since Bulgaria has no highways, I must drive to nearby Romania. On my way, villagers often scream, "Aye! Iron goat," but with funny Eastern European accents. I notice that the car picks up a lot of speed going down steep hills.

The trunk release switch doesn't work because the trunk is welded shut at the factory. I inquired GM about this and they replied that it was for my own good.

The hood is welded shut too, which explains the innovative roof-mounted engine, which reduces labor costs (according to GM) because your mechanic no longer has to open the hood to work on your engine. He just needs a ladder, unless, of course, he's very tall. If your mechanic is short and doesn't have a ladder, he might be able to sit on the shoulders of another mechanic to compensate, but there is a drawback: now you're paying the labor costs for two mechanics. Follow GM's recommendations and switch to a taller mechanic.

Additional Features

Speedometer: At no extra charge is a speedometer, which consists of the graphic images of an anatomically correct stick figure sitting in a chair matched at the other end with an image of that same figure running. This is useful for the international markets, as it cuts down on translation costs for the speedometers.

Radio: The AM Radio / 8-track player only picks up Bulgarian State Radio, which broadcasts endless reports of turnip harvests and rock blocks of Canadian hard-rock super-group Loverboy. "Everybody's working for the weekend." So true my friends.

Seats: The seating, a blend of luxury and practicality, is constructed from the recently destroyed cattle that have fallen victim of the dreaded hoof and mouth disease. Each seat is dowsed with Lysol before delivery.

Pre-rusted door hinges: The doors fall off just in time for summer, for that outdoorsy Jeep feel.

Safety Features: Safety features include the heavy-duty nylon ropes firmly nailed to the floorboards. And please, safety first: tie double-knots around you and your loved ones, because dead people don't buy cars!


Amount Paid (US$): 89,000,000
Condition: New
Model Year: 2001
Model and Options: 15-speed manual tranmission