Pros: Leg room, plenty of neat controlly things, tight steering and handling, slick ass car.
Cons: Uses more gas than smaller cars.
DISCLAIMER: This review is part of a genius lexiphilac writeoff idea of annexation's, and you can visit his profile page for links to other members participating. Or you can check out my crappy typed list...
Kristinafh - Roxymarie - Kris-Kochanski - Xiphoid - Badkittym - Obiwanjabroni - Annexation - Phixed - Lessaleigh - Love_Less - Fez_Monkey - Petra - Psychovant - Bijou - Young1028 - Deaser26 - Davidk93 - Brendametcalf - Repulsemonkey - Pogomom - Flamepillar - Jsallen - Galileo365 - Fallenjesusboy - Suspecterrain - Dastr8poop - Seraphofhades - Maggsmomm - Shadow_Dream - Spyder550 - Imokliel - Officer - Artbyjude - Farfetched - Prfstars - Nifer - 29th_Candidate - Sordid-1 - Lattechick - Sloucho - Blackmonolith - Mauriced - Difrentisgood - DGTurtle2 - Jkkelley - Natch...
Take warning that this review contains some vulgarity, and should not be viewed by children, young teenagers, or by uptight pissy Epinions members. All NH's will be smiled upon, knowing that the ultimate goal of the writeoff was reached. Thank you, and enjoy.
Young1028 sighed as she unlocked the door to her 98' Ford Escort. It was getting to small, had way too many miles, and wasn't even half paid for. She knew it was almost time to let her go. They had grown apart, and the Escort wasn't performing like Young1028 wanted. She needed more, a car to suit her better in the long run. One with a little less miles on her. One that looked better than her. "Sorry MUFFIN", she told her little steel buddy.
Without the Escort understanding it's mission, she drove to Clarksville, TN where her husband's aunt works as a finance manager at a major auto dealership. She looked her one long last time, and a tear escaped her eye thinking about the good old days. Her mind was immediately taken off of the Escort as she made her way through the shiny maze of metal. She scoped out her options, feeling very excited about her change of transportation. Black is a favorite color of Young1028's, and it wasn't long until the petit brunette saw something that made her VAGINA SLOPPYwith DISCHARGE...the black 2001 Ford Taurus.
God, was she slick. She was curvy, yet defined, with a back end that rears up like a PLUMP DISEASED hooker making a hundred bucks for ANAL sex. What an Erotic feeling she wanted her...she wanted to get behind her wheel and RAVAGE her RAW Ford power. Yes, she had to have that vehicle. She parted her LIPS gently as she entered a stick of MINT-a-burst gum, JIGGLED her left BOOB for luck, and made her way to her new mechanical interest.
As she made her way to the black beauty just feet in front of her, she was greeted by the aunt and her salesman buddy. She was almost embarrassed at the way she felt. She just knew that the warm LIQUID was STAINING the outside of her khakis from her excited, tight little MUFF. She knew her little LUBRICATION problem would give away her longing for the car away, just like the STANK on your shoe tells that you stepped in FECES.
Her SPHINCTER muscles tightened as she confessed that she would like the keys, which did hurt a bit since her ass was BRUISED from too many spankings. The salesman smiled at her, and she just knew that he himself wanted to ram his large OILY PHALLUS into her, just as bad as she wanted that vehicle. Yes she'd take her for a test drive! She was confused a bit by the keyless entry system, she'd never had that before. That excited her. She like the way the doors unlocked for her. She locked them back. She loved the way the red button would turn on the alarm system, and thought about how helpful that would be when you've lost your car in a busy parking lot. She opened the trunk with the remote on the keychain too. Oh, it was so big! There was even a glow in the dark tab to open the trunk if some pesky car jackers put you in there! She like the button that opened the trunk for her. Again, a very attractive quality for a princess such as herself. She closed it back. She smiled and unlocked the door again.
Young1028 was nervous as she opened the door. It was a bit hard to open, almost like a suction cup. That was okay with her though, once she saw how roomy and classy the inside of her was. She was open and roomy, with plenty of leg room in the back, and her front seats looked comfortable, and ready for her put her hot little ass in. There was a large front console, with two cupholders and plenty of storage room for CDs and such. She shivered when she looked at the stylish steering wheel, imagining what it would feel like in her hands.
Like a RAMBUNCTIOUS fifteen year old virgin, she jumped right inside of her. It felt good, oh yes it felt good. It was what she had waited for. She started the ignition, and had a sensation almost like the beginning of ORAL pleasures. Her GLANDS throbbed with anticipation as she slid her hand around the SHAFT that lead to the transmission. It was different coming out of the steering column. She thought about the Escort, where the gear shift was in the floor. For a second she missed that feeling, then she turned of the radio, and DAVID LEE ROTH was on. The mach stereo factory upgrade sounded decent for what it was. "Might as well jump", she thought.
Being a much more powerful ride than the Escort, she jerked her around a bit getting used to the feel of the gas petals. She liked the way the Taurus would get up and go. Pulling out onto the highway, she realized what tight handling she had. It was a bit HUMID out, she placed her finger on the power window controls and cracked the window. She noticed the way the control gauges were laid out...all in full view despite the steering wheel. She could see all of her...and not only that, but she could also see out her her too. The windshield was wide, and everything was in plain view. The mirrors were all easily adjustable, and she loved looking out of them and seeing the curves of her potential new car.
Loosing herself the intense bond she was developing with this black metal goddess, her breathing became heavier and heavier as she accelerated. She thought about all they could do together, all the places they could go. She thought about buying her a bumpersticker she had seen that said "CHRISTIANS give good head", but hesitated at the thought of spending eternity in hell for BLASTEMY. Even if she did go to hell, it would be okay, because she had driven the best. Everything was okay.
And then Young1028 realized that she was hungry, despite the presence of the new car, then reclined as she couldn't bear the thought of dripping CHEESY, GREASY, bits of HAMBURGER on the lush, grey cloth seats. No MUNCHING in her new car...not on food anyway she thought. Her CROTCH was itching, she hadn't DOUCHED yet, and the WART on her unmentionables was becoming uncomfortable, causing her to pull over to use the bathroom. She felt secure knowing she could unlock and lock the doors without fumbling, and plus it saved her some time getting to the restroom. After soothing herself, she washed the COTTAGE CHEESE looking CREAMY substance from her hands and thought "Man, I shouldn't have screwed that dude, his NUTSAC did look INFESTED." Her mind then shifted again as she saw the Taurus awaiting her as she left the bathroom. She didn't need anymore men, she had someone new....she was big, powerful, black, and boy was she beautiful.
It was then that she knew what she had to do.
She made her way back to the dealership like a BRITISH in a red jacket. She could hardly wait to have that pen in her hand, to sign for her baby and take her home and have her way with her. The ride was so smooth, and she was as hot as a stick of BUTTER in a DUTCH OVEN. Her MUFF became more JUICY with every step towards the finance office. Yes, she was almost hers.
Yes, I do want her she exclaimed as she walked in the office. I want to take her home and ride her around town like a bucking BRONCO!
The salesman smiled, and as the papers were signed she came long and hard. She had her now, and nothing would tear them apart. She'd bet her BLUMPKIN on it. They detailed cleaned her, PUMPED large tank full of gas, and Young1028 sighed a breathy sigh of relief as she entered her again. She looked good in her, no, she looked NASTY. Freak Nasty. Nastier than a MUMMIFIED PIRATE with a PIMPLY ass. She was ready for another ride.
Looking back on the ordeal, she was glad of what she'd done. Although the Escort had been DISCARDED, she was happy with her 2001 Taurus. She was a good car with wonderful features, affordable luxury. Her gas mileage wasn't as good as the Escort, at about 25 mpg, but that was only a small sacrifice to make. Things were better now, and she was glad she had found her.
::God, please give us who participated in this writeoff your mercy...and may it be known that annexation owes me one while we are frying in hell, for surely it will be his fault.::