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Charlie's Angels (DVD, 2009, Single Disc Version)
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Charlie's Angels was not a pornographic comic book!
May 21, 2001
Review by Vormancian
Rated a Very Helpful Review
Pros:It looks like it was a lot of fun to make.
Cons:They kept the film.
The Bottom Line: Terrible effects, and awful acting. A plot that makes no sense. Hopefully this movie is just a joke.
When my wife finally got around to renting this movie (and I broke down and watched it) I had no intention of writing an opinion on it. For one thing, there are already a lot of them. For another, it isn't really my plan to write a review about every movie I see or have seen.
Recommend this product?
My idea of writing movie reviews here is not to just write an epinion every time I see a movie as though I had a job at a newspaper or something. It would make it seem too close to 'work', and I have seen some people who do write reviews of everything on earth, and you can tell they are just writing to write. Now don't start yelling at me, some people write a lot of reviews and they are very good.
Anyway, so why am I writing this? Mainly because it literally hurt my brain that this is what they did with a movie they took from Charlie's Angels. I was never really a fan of the show, but I just sat in a daze as this movie plodded along on its way to the ending credits. I couldn't believe my eyes.
I read a lot of epinions on this movie, and I was amazed how many of them started off by saying, 'there was a point at the beginning of this movie where I thought I was going to like it.' There was a point like that for me too, but it only lasted about 45 seconds. When the movie made fun of movies being made about old television shows, I actually smirked (but not in the way they wanted me too). As soon as I saw the special effects in the opening parachuting sequence I was already wondering what was happening to me.
The special effects are so bad throughout the movie you can almost see the 'green screen'. During most of the 'karate' fighting you don't exactly see the wires, but you know they are there. The girls do all sorts of ridiculous jumping kicks and such where you see them just lifted up to kick (making no effort to even look like they are jumping) and then they fly all over for no apparent reason.
The whole tone of the movie is more like Spawn or the Crow or something where things seem rather fake, but they are that way on purpose because the subject comes from a comic book.
The girls are also very different from what you might expect. In the TV show, you had your three girls who were all very pretty (that's as far as the similarity goes). In the TV show, you had the one who was smart and not quite as pretty, the one who was really pretty and not quite so smart, and the one in the middle. In the movie you have the one whose job is to try and be as naked as possible and isn't very smart, the one who is the female MacGyver, and the one who is very pretty but borderline retarded.
The movie also changes the basic premise of the show. In the show this was a detective agency. Charlie took the girls and gave them new jobs because they were being wasted as 'regular cops'. This is because they were pretty intelligent or some such thing, and because they were women they were not given 'serious cop jobs'. He didn't give them jobs because they were superheroes. In the TV show they outsmarted the bad guys (who were usually your typical 'regular' type bad guys), in the movie they ride on the missiles that are about to be fired from helicopters and reprogram the guidance system as they do so.
The plot of the movie actually started out pretty good. It took a really ugly turn though.
It started out that the Townsend detective agency was hired to find a computer business tycoon who had been kidnapped. The suspect was a business rival. There was even a sufficiently dastardly henchman type involved to move things along. In what turned out to be fantastically simple, the Angels followed the henchman and after a thoroughly ridiculous melee, stumbled upon the kidnapped person they were looking for.
But wait! We still have to retrieve the stolen software that this genius invented. The story is that his software can get a 'fingerprint' of your voice so that you can be absolutely identified by your voice alone. If we combine that with the GPS system of the rival software company, you would be able to identify and locate anyone using a cell phone whenever they make a call. Then no one could hide or have any privacy or several other dastardly sounding things.
As we move along in the 'plot', we find out that the person we thought was the good guy (the client himself) is actually the bad guy. He hired the Angels just so that he could get control over the Positioning Satellites controlled by the rival company. And why did he want to do this? So that he could find Charlie and kill him.
Okay, so Charlie is an incredibly wealthy recluse and no one seems to know who he is. But come on, isn't there an easier way? If you are an incredibly wealthy and evil bad guy, isn't there some other way to find a person without satellites and voice recognition software and all that? He's got a helicopter with missiles that I'm pretty sure no one is allowed to own, he's obviously got some good connections somewhere.
On a somewhat brighter note. If you try very hard not to take the movie at all serious it isn't a bad 'good time' movie. The acting is really bad, but in almost a sort of way that you realize is mostly on purpose. There is some fun in here somewhere, but there is a lot to get past in order to appreciate it.
Even if you go into it looking for something of a campy, silly movie, you aren't going to find it, and that is really its best chance at anything.
If this is the direction things are going, I really hope we never see anymore movies stolen from TV shows. I had thought that The Wild Wild West was as bad as things could get.
I will say, that if you are old enough to have watched the TV show this is a good movie to watch when you have some friends over so that you can have it on in the background while you do something else and make fun of it every once in a while.
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