Think as We Do, Don't Think on Your Own
Written: Jan 27 '00
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Product Rating:
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Pros: This is college, enjoy the years while you can!
Cons: If you don't fit the mold, life can be a bit difficult, but with work, you can overcome the obstacles.
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| poseidon's Full Review: University of Wisconsin-Madison |
“Republicans are the most closed-minded people on earth. If we could just have democrats running this country, we’d be in a much better world!”
“You’re a Christian? They’re all a bunch of hypocrites! Only idiots believe in God.”
“Oh please! You’re a man! You’ve been oppressing women for thousands of years!”
“You couldn’t possibly understand ME. You’re white! How can you begin to guess the plight of MY people? You’ve had everything handed to you on a silver platter at the expense of MY people!”
“What do you mean you don’t drink? How do you ever expect to make friends here?”
“Why won’t you date me? Are you homophobic or something?”
Welcome to the University of Wisconsin at Madison, where reality takes a back seat to a world suspended in its own idea of Utopia. Everyone is perfect, everyone knows how the real world operates, and everything is right in their little world. If, however, you have the sheer audacity to think on your own, then Madison can become a very hostile environment.
Social life at this university is simple if you fit into the mold. You should be agnostic, or if you aren’t, have some “neat” religion that doesn’t “oppress” others. Don’t assume that being part of a religion, like Judaism, which has been oppressed for 5,000 years gets you off the hook. Your religion should either be something connected to nature, worshipping Mother Earth, or should have some ties to terrorism. Anything else makes you a bigot.
You should be part of a minority. This isn’t difficult, after all, because everyone who isn’t a white straight male with a Judeo-Christian background can qualify. You can be three- of the four-hated factors, and still be part of a minority. In other words, you can be a white straight male, but you worship Mother Earth, or, you can be a white gay male who is Jewish. However, if you have all four of these qualities, you don’t qualify for minority status.
It is urgently important that you march daily for some glorious cause. The cause can be to legalize marijuana. The cause can be to march for homosexual rights. The cause can be for free abortions for everyone. The cause can be to march for animal rights. You can basically pick any cause you want, so long as it fits the social agenda of the school. The important thing is to go out, find a cause or thirty, and march down State Street to the Capitol Building daily.
Not shaving earns a special bonus. This goes for men and women alike. Women, it is especially important that wear shorts and a tank top whenever possible, despite the sub-zero temperatures. Going a single day without proclaiming to the entire world that you shouldn’t be forced to shave your legs or underarms is a must. Men, it is important to braid your beard and have it grow as long as possible. Please, don’t cut it close, because that shows you conform to the outside world. Men, you must also be courteous and not get turned off by hirsute women.
You must have a very open mind regarding homosexuality. If approached by someone of the same gender and invited out on a date, don’t refuse. Otherwise, you are branded as a homophobe. On top of that, you are sent off to “re-education” or expelled from the university. I am not making this up – I had to undergo “re-education” in my senior year because I turned down a date from a man, and he complained to the powers that be at the school.
Every Friday at 5pm, you must start drinking. It doesn’t matter what your poison of choice is; the idea is to just drink. By about 1 or 2 in the morning on Monday, it is time to put the booze away, because after all, you have classes in six hours.
If you follow the above-stated guidelines, you’ll have a great social life in Madison. You’ll be invited to every social club that fits into the “mainstream” of campus life.
If, however, you are a radical and are unwilling to fit in, you have to work a bit harder at a social life. There are clubs and organizations that do cater to you, but you find very little – if any – brochures, publications of when and where to meet, etc. You must bump into a fellow radical, and hope they are brave enough to let you know they think in a similar fashion as yourself.
The best way to learn about student religious organizations is to visit some of the campus area churches. Many of these churches publish their weekly brochures, which list meetings and happenings of whatever your faith happens to be.
There is a Young Republican organization on campus, but in the two years I attended, I was hard-pressed to find where and when they met. The College Democrat organization was very well funded, and everyone knew when and where that meeting was being held.
One of the best ways to meet people is to check out the bulletin boards in whatever department or school you were majoring. A lot of times, there were academic “social” activities where you could meet other English majors, other Journalism students, etc. It was also a good way to meet and talk to the professors in a social setting rather than an educational one.
Finding an intramural sport to follow is also a good way to meet people. You will find that people who enjoy Lacrosse or Ultimate Frisbee, etc. would get together after a game and go out for a beer afterwards or just stick around and discuss the game, etc.
Of course, there is always the residence hall or the library. However, making friends in this way when you have little in common with the other person is perhaps the most difficult of all. While you may not be judgmental, if you let on that you believe in some “radical” way of thinking, you risk a certain chance of losing the new friend you’ve made.
If you don’t fit the mold, you can still have a good social life, you just have to work at it harder than everyone else.
Recommended:
Yes
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