that-guy's tales of VCR loneliness
Written: Nov 06 '00
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Product Rating:
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Pros: You can tape VIP
Cons: It doesn't love you back.
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| that-guy's Full Review: Samsung VR5609 VCR |
Some have said I died. Some said I went off to Tibet to study the ancient art of some such thing. Some said I was revealed to be W. Bush's illegitimate kid and was being held in a Comfort Inn until after the election. Some said I'd gotten a job delivering babies in the back of Phish-head vans. But the truth be told, I've spent all my time away watching tapes of V.I.P. with the sound off.
You see friends, Romans and country bumpkins, I purchased my Samsung VCR not long ago because well I couldn't be bothered to watch Sabrina the Teenage Witch on Friday nights when I was so busy chatting with my Buffy mythos group. It changed my life. It made me the misanthropic, hater of mankind, womankind, boykind, girlkind, robotkind, that I am today.
Let's start with the obvious. Like most people I marvel at the idea that by using a VCR them pictures on the TV can be stole, like souls with photographs. My model came with the ready to go plug-in cable hook ups (that's complicated techie talk). Also, it was complete with a fancy remote control-- which is nice since my TV's remote's batteries are dead, and I'm too lazy to buy more. Now this is the cheap version so I don't have too many bells and whistles, but I'll go through them for you.
Like one would expect it's got the usual: your display on screen of the menu, the features, the time remaining, and so on. It also comes with the handy slow motion (and believe me it doesn't wear out so easily--four hundred and seventy-eight V.I.P. slow girl fights later and it's still kicking). With the tape tracking, I can easily find that part in V.I.P.. What about everybody's favorite: the trilingual on-screen programming? Oddly enough, programming in Spanish is just as simple. Meaning, no matter what I put in, I always end up having recorded an Antiques Roadshow--the one where the people are disappointed that their junk isn't worth a million dollars. But this model does have helpful features for the slow-witted likes of that-guy, like changing the recording speeds automatically to fit the length of the program recorded. Damn thing thinks it's better than me.
That's all well and good some may say, but what can I really do with it. I for one have taped every single political debate, campaign ad, political news segment, and so on. Using my VCR technological wizardry (okay, two VCRs), I have spliced together a feature length film with W. repeating everything ole Al says. Four and a half hours of vacuous promises and empty words. And just for fun, I through in a few scenes of When Animals Have Rough Sex. A man does get bored.
What about that eight event programmable timer? After hiring a nuclear physicist to explain the damn thing to me, I've put it to good use, taping my favorites:
1. Prostate Cancer Operations Live
2. Who Let the Dogs Out Who Killed the Guys Who Sing "Who Let the Dogs Out"?
3. Bette
4. Sadist & Masochist Masterpiece Theater
5. Kathy Lee on QVC
6. Chinese Census Taker Bloopers and Practical Jokes
7. Making the Band
8. Behind the Scenes of the Teletubbies
Now, I know what you're saying, "that-guy, why are you such an ass. You leave forever, then you come back and you write some inane thing about a VCR and you think people should love you for it. Well, no. I say. I will never love again."
That's right, you want me to tell you about the draw backs to this fine machine. It's got a few I have to admit. First off, it's slow coming on and slow to stop. So as I'm fast forwarding through all the boring chatter in 9 and ½ weeks, I see some action, but when I hit the play button, it takes precious seconds to respond. Also, I've found the commercial fast forward button, which is supposed to fast forward through average length commercials, to be absolutely useless. Not to mention it has that stupid feature where it starts playing a pre-recorded tape as soon as you put it in. Who wants that? God knows I can't get the blinds closed that fast.
Let's review: Samsung VCR not a bad buy for your money but not a machine for video editing (my Bush/Gore film was terrible) and that-guy though pledging to return and do good, will inevitable let us down. So buy the VCR (unless you're one of those funny people buying DVDs--I bet you bought 8 tracks, too) and ban that-guy.
This has been brought you by the that-guy for leader of the free world child psychology campaign.
Recommended:
Yes
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that-guy
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Location: Wilmington, NC
Reviews written: 68
Trusted by: 175 members
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