We have to face reality: Banks are in the business of making money for their shareholders, not making their customers happy. Bank of America is no exception.

One of the ways in which Bank of America recently slipped its hot little hands into my pockets for some extra change was by changing the minimum savings balance necessary to allow unlimited free withdrawals without making it clear they had done so.

Huh?

Here's the scoop: Until August 2000, if you maintained a minimum savings balance of $300 in your "Alpha Regular Savings Account" at all times, you could make unlimited withdrawals from that account. If at any time during the month (even for a minute) you let your savings balance slip below $300, they would charge you $2 per withdrawal over the allowable limit of three-per-month.

That's right: they charged you for accessing your own money!

Still, I learned to maintain a $300 balance in my savings account, and to make most of my cash withdrawals from my checking account (which, I might add, costs me $12 per month).

But here's the sneaky part: In August 2000, they switched the minimum balance necessary to avoid withdrawal fees to $1000. Technically, they DID let customers know (probably in an insert in one of out monthly statements), but I had no clue. I can just see the money changers at B of A calculating the additional revenues they would generate because many of us don't read the small print on or in our statements.

When I received a $14 monthly service charge in yesterday's bill for making 10 withdrawals from savings (I let my savings balance slip to $600 one day), I immediately called Customer Service.

In fairness to Bank of America, I WAS able to wade through the menu selections, and would estimate the overall wait time to be only about 4 minutes.

The Customer Service Representative was pleasant and helpful, and immediately reversed the $14 charge "as a courtesy." I never got to the part about "switching to Washington Mutual," and am glad I didn't need to.

Still, it irks me that a bank I have been with for more than a decade would manipulate one of its faithful in this way. I wonder how many hidden fees I didn't catch over the past year, being one who always keeps a positive balance in all accounts, and therefore doesn't always read statements closely.

Adding insult to injury was my "interest" statement. The interest rate for my Alpha savings account at Bank of America is 0.81%! That "service charge" (charging ME for the privilege of allowing THEM to make money off of MY money) was more than 1400% of my interest for this month, and more than the sum of all interest I made in this account for the year 2001! In fact, one month's service fee for my checking account more than covers the interest I made, and FOR WHICH I ALSO PAY TAXES!

The ostensible Bank of America Website has also not worked right since I started (and quickly stopped) using it. An address change I tried to enter never made it to B of A's data base, and several other functions simply didn't work. They may have fixed it by now, but I'm not going to waste my time finding out.

The bottom line:

If you have an Alpha Regular Savings account at Bank of America, know that the minimum balance for unlimited withdrawals is now $1000.

Know that Customer Service WILL help you; it's worth it to make that call.

If you use B of A, know that they will find sneaky ways of putting their hands in your pockets.

Summary:

If you like the feeling of a stranger's warm, sweaty hands moving slowly around in your pockets, its probing fingers groping for loose change while rubbing up against your precious privies, I heartily recommend Bank of America. They also have branches and "Versatellers" everywhere. Very convenient.

However, if you long for the "old ways," when folks actually conducted business as if human beings were involved, or if you offend easily, avoid Bank of America at all costs.

Note: A student of mine (who happens to work for B of A) informed me today that I am a moron for having an Alpha Checking Account with its $12 per month Service Fee. If I can maintain a $1000 balance at all times a REGULAR Checking Account is cost-free. Of course, should that balance slip below $1000 for even a second, an $8.50 fee is charged. I think I'll switch to Regular and take my chances.

Recommended: No